Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Counterfactual President

I’m sorry my update is a little late today, I’ve had visiting dignitaries in my little bunker for the past few days and I just saw them off. I’m not at liberty to divulge their identities, butt I can tell you this: they are royalty!!

Now on to the Big White updates: You’ve probably noticed that our investment in Winning the Future has already started to pay off. Being an early adaptor of Facebook’s excellent product, we’re using it to build a highspeed internet highway off-ramp for potential voters.That’s why we decided to kick off our 2012 campaign tour at Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto yesterday. The first stop on our $4 million West Coast Gold Rush Tour couldn’t have been a bigger success (“rush” like in panning for gold, not like Rush… you know).

Our favorite little multi-gazillionaire nerd was so flattered to be associated with such a historic, presidential campaign and such a charismatic, inspirational historical President that he even wore a jacket and tie to moderate the townhall meeting.

bos signature smileShirt, tie, jeans, sneakers: good to go

Big Guy told him he could lose the jacket before they got started with the tough questions.

what do I hear for this jacketWhat do I hear for Zuckerberg’s jacket? Come on, he only wore it once and it’s for a good cause! My re-election!


nerdiest man on earthThe world’s nerdyist 20-something gazillionaire is “cool with” paying more taxes. Why can’t we all be more like Marky?

The Facebook forum allowed Big Guy to explain to all his loyal Facebook followers the difference between his and  Paul Ryan’s deficit reduction plan:

"I think that what he and the other Republicans in the House of Representatives also want to do is change our social compact in a pretty fundamental way."

I think he’s right. The R-words want to make sure both parties to the social compact have some “skin in the game.” I thought Big Guy liked that?

Marky Z did a great job selecting the questions for the townhall. They were so penetrating and Big Guy’s responses so insightful, he only managed to get through 7 questions in 70 minutes. Which meant we weren’t able to get to a lot of questions people left on the Big White’s Official Facebook page, like this one:

"I want to know why the president mistakenly thinks that the methods for establishing the statist-communist revolutions of Russia, China and South America will work here in America."

Maybe next time. We had to move on to the 6 fundraisers we’ve got squeezed into the official West Coast Gold Rush tour. Butt we’ve got that questioner’s IP address, in case we need to get back to him.

Another investment in the future that’s beginning to pay off is all the work we’ve put into cultivating Time magazine’s staff. We got not one, butt two flattering stories in this week’s edition. First, Lady M made the top third of the 2011Time’s 100 list for her efforts to save the country from the horrible epidemic of childhood obesity.

garden harvest a reuters 

Eat this, not that:


“Lobster’s OK, as long as you don’t  dip it in butter”

michelle-lobster-bibOf course there’s no need for a bib in that event.

World famous chef and Food TV personality, Jamie Oliver, wrote the accolade for Time:

... And perhaps most incredibly, she's had frank and challenging dialogues with some of America's largest corporations and persuaded them to change their business practices for the sake of the children.

While she knows none of these changes are easy, she's stood firm in her conviction that if we all just eat better and move more, then we can fight obesity. For her inspirational work, I salute First Lady Michelle Obama — a true revolutionary.

Hard to believe she wasn’t number 1 on the list.

Butt the really big payoff came with this article exonerating Big Guy from every problem in the country caused by George W. Bush, and trying to figure out how to give him credit for avoiding every disaster that didn’t happen, like preventing an atrocity in Libya. Because unless Big Guy gets credit, we’ve let a lot of good near-disasters go to waste.

Not getting credit for something that didn’t happen is what social “scientists” call  a “counterfactual problem.” That just means that it’s really hard to prove something didn’t happen because of something you did. It’s kind of like trying to prove a negative. Which is funny, because that’s what Democrats are always trying to get the R- words to do.

Anyway, I think that about sums it up: “counterfactual problem.” WTF?