Friday, April 22, 2011

Happy Earth Day: Obama’s Got Wood for America

Stick with me here, and I’ll connect the dots for you.

Here’s the short version: the endangered Sumatran tigers,

Sumatran_tiger_1809_19141586_0_0_7010293_300(Panthera tigris sumatrae)

not to be confused with the endangered Siberian tiger, aka the Amur tiger,

siberian1_2ef5ef6141(Panthera tigris altaica),

or the endangered Bengal tiger,

bengal-tiger-3_z2s(Panthera tigris tigris), 

the endangered Indo-Chinese tiger

indochina_tiger(Panthera tigris corbetti),

or the endangered South China tiger;

south-china-tiger(Panthera tigris amoyensis)

- all of which look pretty much alike to me - butt the Sumatran tiger exists only in the rainforests on the island of Sumatra where their habitat is being taken over by evil plantation owners seeking to expand their palm tree acreage for the production of palm oil used world wide in cooking and baking. Specifically, it is what they use to make those delicious Girl Scout Cookies that Lady M doesn’t think are good for any child’s fat behind.

Butt stay with me here: Lady M also happens to hold the title of Honorary National President of Girl Scouts USA (GSUSA). Now, somewhere in far off, fly-over Michigan, two sisters have been trying to get the attention of the top brass at GSUSA to address their concern that the Girl Scouts of America are – unwittingly, of course – responsible for the annihilation of the Sumatran Tigers by continuing to use palm oil to make those delicious cookies that Lady M doesn’t want us to eat. This should be a no-brainer.

Hello tiger. Goodbye Thin Mints.


And even though Lady M personally prefers jaguars to tigers,

2006 Jaguar XK 'Victory' Edition

No, not that kind of Jaguar, this kind:


we also know that because of her brain washing in school, Wee Won-1 is more concerned with saving the tigers than anything in the whole wide world – at least now that Daddy’s finally got that hole plugged. And what’s more important than fulfilling every child’s every HOPE?

So I’m pretty sure that Lady M will dictate use her considerable clout as head of the No Child's Fat Behind!  and the GSUSA to ensure that from now on Girl Scout cookies will be made with something more earth-friendly, something more sustainable, than palm oil, that is killing the tigers.


It’s not as if there aren’t other possibilities that will be equally tasty – perhaps yak fat.

I’ll keep you posted.

BTW, does anybody really know what “sustainable” means anymore? Besides WTF, that is.

Today we’ll be out celebrating Earth Day and planting some more sticks and twigs for the Anacostia Watershed Society somewhere. It’s a bit of a tradition now.

kenilworthOur 2009 Earth Day twig planting, Big Guy doing what he does best…

michelle-obama-planting-a-tree while Lady M does all the heavy liftin’ to keep those guns toned

Also part of our Big White Earth Awareness efforts, I just want to make sure you know that this year’s official Big White Easter eggs (Spring Spheres for those of you in Seattle) are totally eco friendly, crafted from Forest Stewardship Council certified, “sustainable” hardwood (Big Guy loves wood).

I don’t know precisely where the wood was harvested, all I know for sure is that it died a natural death.


They’re available for purchase through the National Park Foundation in an enviro-friendly package.( Reasonably priced at $7.50 each or a pack with all four colors at $26.50. Or you can go to Walmart and get your entire Easter buffet: 2 dozen regular eggs, an Easter Ham, pineapple, maraschino cherries, brown sugar, a loaf of bread, a package of cheese food project, and a bag of chips for about the same price as the multi-color pack. Or, you can buy the 5 1/2 gallons of gas it will take to drive to Walmart.)


Don’t forget: You too can get officially rolled by the Big White on Monday, April 25. Unless you’ve already been rolled on April 15/18; if that’s the case, you’re not likely to be invited.