Saturday, March 8, 2014

The Obamas’ Advice: Get Out of Bed And Do It Till Your Butt Comes Off

Sorry you couldn’t all have been here for the “Women of Soul” concert on Thursday. Butt good news: you little people can vicariously enjoy the Women of Soul: In Performance at the White House on April 7 on PBS (9 p.m. ET/PT, times may vary).

The festivities began in the afternoon with Lady M, some of the Women of Soul, and students from across the country for a workshop called "I'm Every Woman: The History of Women in Soul."

And wouldn’t you know it? The one and only time Lady M’s Nickelodeon soul-full get-up might have fit right in…

MO Women of soul copy

she chose to wear one of Granny R’s old dusters instead.

mo and the soul sisters

And believe me, it was no more charming in the going than in the coming:

Michelle Obama Michelle Obama Hosts Women ZPGq6bkux0ilLet’s Moove!:

At the workshop Lady M shared this sage advice with the youth of America:

“Find your own voice and be proud of it,” she said. “And then, sing your butt off. Or work your butt off. Or whatever you do, do it until your butt comes off. “

I think what she meant was “follow your heart.” In Lady M’s case, were still in-search-of our bliss.

Anyway, when the main event got under way that evening, MO’s frock choice for the soul sister session started to make sense: Lady M swapped Granny the housedress for her Nickelodeon outfit! Damn, that woman is talented with her little Singer sewing machine!

granny and mo

Butt you want to hear about the concert:

“What a lineup!” Obama declared at the outset of a concert that featured a generations-spanning array of soul singers that stretched from musical legends Aretha Franklin and Patti LaBelle to 20-year-old Ariana Grande.

Obama paid tribute to Franklin for turning her signature song “Respect” into “a rallying cry for African-Americans, women and then everyone who felt marginalized.” [ed. forever memorialized in the great movie, The Blues Brothers]


The pumped-up audience gave a hearty laugh but was more than willing to forgive the president for spelling it “R-S-P-E-C-T.” [It was totally TOTUS’ fault, he recently uploaded the new Common Core spelling curriculum]

First up in the East Room lineup was LaBelle, with a thundering delivery of “Over the Rainbow” that had the audience on its feet.


It was a mutual admiration society of sorts as LaBelle thanked the Obamas for their tenure in the White House, declaring, “Baby, you got swag!”

tumblr_mj5dumu2901rk4lspo1_1280[ed. Oh yeah, baby definitely got swag! (courtesy of the Saudi Arabian King]

The emotional high point came when Franklin, 71, sauntered in, gave a shimmy and declared “Let’s have a party.” Then she went right into “I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You).” She was back later to close down the show with what Obama called “one more treat” – a slow, soulful rendition of “Amazing Grace” that turned rowdy at the end.

tdy_mor_obama_140307_blocks_today_desktop_tease[ed. Note: Aretha has ditched the blonde prima donna hair for a short, natural crop, and the sleeveless look for covered shoulders. Trendsetter? We can only HOPE.]


Butt hey - in presidential years Thursday was a long time ago! Since then we’ve 1) cast another harsh stare in Russia’s direction and 2) flown to Florida to empathize with the students of Coral Ridge High School who can’t afford to go to college without BO’s financial assistance. Which he’s more than willing to give them in this, his “year of (executive) action.”

coral gablesOh my gosh! Look who’s here! Hey, why don’t we just make this a long weekend?

Like Lady M, BO took time to impart some hard-earned wisdom to the young ‘uns of Coral Reef:

"When I was your age, I didn't know what I was doing," President Obama told the students. "I was lucky if I got out of bed on time."

That was partially due to the fact that he often hadn’t gotten to bed yet: and not because he was studying.

young bo obama stoned 1981 NYIt’s 3:00 am. A phone is ringing. I’d answer it if I could find my keys.

And speaking of Keys…surprise! We decided to go ahead with our mini-vacay in the exclusive Ocean Reef enclave in Key Largo after all! Since we were all down here any way.

Butt let me assure you that we will be treated just like ordinary people here this weekend: we are going to lose an hour of sleep tonight too. I just HOPE we don’t get any of those 3:00 am phone calls.

day light savings timeAny chance you can get that to “Spring Ahead” to 2017?

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Friday, March 7, 2014

Live! From Key Largo! Johnny Rocco! We’ll be here all weekend.

Did you know that today is National Day of Un-plugging?

Probably not, if you’re reading this. 


Yes, it’s official: regardless of what Vlad does, we intend to unplug in the Florida Keys as a family this weekend. After a joint appearance of the Wons at a Coral Gables high school to deliver the pre-vacation obligatory speech on the importance of getting an overpriced college education.

Besides, that whole Moscow/Kiev situation could stand a little unplugged cooling-off period if you ask me. So even if BO decides he has to return to the Big White so he can pretend to attend National Security meetings, Lady M and the Wee Wons will remain to enjoy the sun, sand and surf. Butt don’t worry, if Barry has to plug-in and go home early to look concerned, at least that will give him time to get a jump start on his March Madness brackets.

Screenshot Studio capture #1815Are you done yet Pete? I’ve got to get back to work for the American people on my iPad.

Anyway, while you deal with ice, snow and freezing rain this weekend, at least you can vicariously enjoy the beautiful Florida weather the Wons will have on their (3rd!) vacation getaway of the year in Key Largo:

Screenshot Studio capture #1816

Since you’re here, I assume you’re not participating in Unplugged Day so I though you might enjoy a scene from the classic Bogart film Key Largo. It’s from my 2011 post, Obama’s Rocco Recovery Plan. For the record, we’re still waiting patiently for that Recovery Plan to kick in. Anyway, here’s Johnny Rocco, live from Key Largo:






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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Thursday, March 6, 2014

How Common Core Killed the Cop Killer Counselor

Well that was embarrassing: Big Guy’s controversial selection to head DOJ’s civil rights division, Debo Adegbile, was rejected by the Senate in a stunning defeat.

We’re not used to rejection, how did this happen? Why did Dirty Harry let the Debo nomination go to the vote if we didn’t have enough Senators to carry it? As it turns out, it looks like a simple math error: somebody just counted wrong. Harry was assured he had the requisite 51 votes on the floor, with Joey B standing by,just in case.

I suppose this sort of thing was bound to happen, what with Common Core math and all. Because old fashioned math was too hard to teach (none of the new teachers could ever get their heads wrapped around math themselves), we invented “fuzzy math” which became the basis for Common Core math. It’s aimed at making all things mathematical - like addition, subtraction, multiplication and division - easier to understand. Here’s an example of how that works:

Bonding With Numbers

numberbondadditiontomake10 common core problems

Got that? No? That’s OK, let’s try another:


Here’s the text:

Use the number bond to fill in the math story. Make a simple math drawing. Cross out from 10 ones or some ones to show what happens in the stories.

There were __ ants in the ant hill. __ of them are sleeping and __ of them are eating. 9 of the sleeping ants woke up. How many ants are not sleeping?

AntGrasshopper sleepsIn “old math” it was the grasshopper that slept; the ants were always working.

Now we have “math stories” with “number bonds”? For first graders?  And this is supposed to make kids find math easier to do? With “old math” kids simply hated it; with the new Common Core math they are terrorized by it:

common core math problemsKaitlyn, trying to do her math homework

So, yesterday’s fiasco is what happens when you let your 20-something staffers educated only in fuzzy math count the votes. They probably don’t have a very good grasp of history either. Maybe I should remind them what happens when the normally industrious ants choose to nap like the grasshoppers:


By the way, I note that the producers, writers and editors at NPR must have been educated in Common Core geography as well as math. As reported this morning:

Just now on NPR’s Morning Edition…a story on yesterday’s failed vote on Debo Adegbile began “a handful of southern Democrats joined Republicans yesterday to defeat president Obama’s choice to head the Justice Department’s civil rights division.” For what it’s worth the Democrats who voted no:

Chris Coons (Del.)
Bob Casey (Pa.)
Mark Pryor (Ark.)
Heidi Heitkamp (N.D.)
Joe Manchin (W.V.)
Joe Donnelly (Ind.) 
John Walsh (Mont.)

And of course Harry Reid (Nev.)…

Not exactly Sons of the Confederacy.

So in case you didn’t before, now you know just exactly how important education is for our future. So when Big Guy asks to increase spending by a trillion dollars to re-educated America’s treasure in Common Core principles, how can you say no? After all, do you know how many number bonds there are in a trillion dollars? I didn’t think so.

ant18“I have 18 and need about a trillion more!”

Allow my to leave you with this modern day version of the old “Ant and Grasshopper” story. In the original, as you recall the moral was “Be responsible for yourself.”


Butt that was Before Obama. Here’s the modern, updated, version: (author unknown)

The ant works hard In the withering heat and the rain all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant Is a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant
In his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth,
this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where
the news stations film the SEIU group singing, We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray
for the grasshopper’s sake, while he damns the ants.

President Obama condems the ant and blames President Bush 43,
President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus,
and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the Grasshopper, and
both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts The Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
Retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of
green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,
his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends
finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house
he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.


“All of our ants are belong to us.”



UPDATE: Debo’s defeat due to racism, not Common Core, per Harry Reid. Duly noted.

Linked By: FreedomWorks, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and @MuseumTwenty, @batfreight on twitter, BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Barry Prepares to Take Putin to School

Hey look! MO is in the kitchen! With Chef Sammie Kass and Rachael Ray:

rachael ray selfieShowing off our “boy” brows

The most remarkable thing about this fisheye perspective is the fact that all three of the selfie subjects have exactly the same eyebrows! And while I can’t speak for Sammy, Rache’s eyebrows – like Lady M’s – have been evolving:

rachael-ray-eyebrow liftEyebrows, evolving; along with everything else

"My 1st #selfie! Excited to be joined by @FLOTUS & @letsmove's Sam Kass @ the White House. Watch Weds @RachaelRayShow," Rachael tweeted.

The Rachael Ray Show is butt one of many celebrations of Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind 4th anniversary. We’ve already done Parks and Recreation with Amy Poehler, another shrimp:

Screenshot Studio capture #1812

Where she dazzled the local children with her golfing skills:

Michelle Obama Michelle Obama Visits Miami mZb9Y6baNKKl

Except for the little girl standing off to the side, who seems horrified by the sight of the ball slicing through  the window.

Later MO shared a lunch of veggies with some children:


Butt it was a tough sell.

michelle 001

The kids didn’t seem to enjoy their lunches any more than their counterparts around the country:

The federal government’s changes to school lunch menus have been disastrous, causing problems for cafeterias trying to comply with the rules and leaving the menu so expensive or unpalatable that more than 1 million students have stopped buying lunch, according to a government audit released Thursday.

Butt don’t worry, we’re going to stay the course and the kids will eventually get used to the lunch room realities. Just like the rest of the country will eventually get used to a crappy economy, crappy Obamacare where options are lean and limited, and a new slimmed down American role in geopolitical affairs.

And then, it was off to dance with veggies:

First Lady Michelle Obama joins children for a Super Sprowtz show, a "Let's Move!" event at La Petite Academy child care center in Bowie, Md., Feb. 27, 2014. (Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

Wow - check out those Super Sprowtz!

sprouts and mo

Not to be outdone, Big Guy visited a school yesterday too, to talk about his budget, and speak his mind on the situation in the Ukraine. Because, what better place to cover these subjects?

bo obama at school

While he was there, BO participated in a restorative justice circle with the children, in preparation for later negotiations with Putin over the Ukraine. After the session, Barry made this macaroni art for Vlad:

we need to talk

Although I don’t think we should get our HOPEs up; I have a feeling that “restorative justice” in Russia doesn’t mean what Big Guy thinks it means.


Linked By: @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Uncontested Arrivals: Dim Sum Won, all day long.

Putin, speaking at a press conference in Moscow on Tuesday, said there was "no need yet" for Russia to exercise its authority, adding that he was not considering the annexation of Crimea and any force used would be a last resort.

And besides, even if we get to the “last resort” not only will it be Bush’s fault, it will no doubt be only an “unbelievably small, limited kind of action” that will not necessarily be “an invasion” butt more of an “uncontested arrival,” for a visit of indeterminate length.

Screenshot Studio capture #1808

So before we follow these semantics down the rabbit hole of history, allow me to note a couple of other “uncontested arrivals.”

Pearl Harbor, December 7, 1941:


World Trade Center, September 11, 2001:

world trade center

The operative word in this circumlocution is of course “arrival” not “uncontested.”

So, got that? If an “arrival” is “uncontested” it is not an act of aggression.


…in the same way that “kinetic military action” is NOT war:

In a curious way, then, a desire to avoid challenge to existing law has forced assault on the dictionary. For the Obama administration to go ahead with a war lacking any form of Congressional authorisation, it had to challenge either law or the common meaning of words. Either the law or language had to give.

It chose language.

Meanwhile, at the White House yesterday, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu attempted to explain to Big Guy why he found it unacceptable to allow Iran’s “arrival” in it’s borders to remain “uncontested.”

"Iran calls openly for Israel's destruction, so I'm sure you'll appreciate that Israel cannot permit such a state to have the ability to make atomic bombs to achieve that goal," Netanyahu said. "And I, as the prime minister of Israel, will do whatever I must do to defend the Jewish state."

Maybe we’ll hand this one off to Secretary of State Jean CarrĂ© to handle,

john kerry

while Barry takes care of the Russian situation himself:

bo see this pen“I’ve got a pen. Harsh letter to Vladdie to follow.”

Well, I’ve got to run now. I need to make sure my Mandarin language module is up to date as I understand we’re going to China this month to tell them how to eat right too.

dim sum all dayOh yeah, we’ve got sum dim Wons… all day long.

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Monday, March 3, 2014

Hey Barry! The Eighties Called: They Want Their Leader Back.

I didn’t watch the Oscars last night, butt I hear it was a night of politically correct historic firsts: Matthew McConaughey won Best Actor for his portrayal of a gay rodeo rider in Dallas Buyers Club, Lupita Nyong'o won Best Supporting Actress for her role in 12 Years a Slave, Jared Leto won Best Supporting Actor for his role as a transgendered sidekick in Dallas Buyers Club, Alfonso CuarĂ³n won as the first Mexican Best Director for Gravity, Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave won as the first movie from a black director to win Best Picture…and Big Guy’s “Foreign Policy”  won a special award in the Best Fantasy category:

FOR FIVE YEARS, President Obama has led a foreign policy based more on how he thinks the world should operate than on reality. It was a world in whichthe tide of war is receding” and the United States could, without much risk, radically reduce the size of its armed forces.

Other leaders, in this vision, would behave rationally and in the interest of their people and the world. Invasions, brute force, great-power games and shifting alliances — these were things of the past. Secretary of State John F. Kerry displayed this mindset on ABC’s “This Week” Sunday when he said, of Russia’s invasion of neighboring Ukraine, “It’s a 19th century act in the 21st century.”

Wow! And Barry’s award was presented by the much vaunted Washington Post!

Indeed, the 1980’s want their leader back too.

Apparently the WaPo’s biggest concern is that other leaders like Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping and Bashar al-Assad are not interested in taking roles in Barry’s fantasy.

Ah well, thank goodness there’s always Hollywood to divert our attention from these distressing global spectacles with glitter, glam and political correctness – something else Pootie has no use for.

So here, a few other candidates for “fantasy of the year” poster children from last night’s Oscars. In descending order of awfulness, several starlets who also want the 80’s back:

Screenshot Studio capture #1802Sally Field, minor cosmetic surgery and too much cheek filler.

Screenshot Studio capture #1804Liza, cosmetic surgery junkie; only her hair resembles the original model

Screenshot Studio capture #1803Goldie: too many cosmetic procedures and you lose your eyes

Screenshot Studio capture #1805Kim (Novak- I thought you would need a hint): O.M.G.!

Is Amerika a great country, or what? Because in Amerika anybody can live the fantasy they entertain in their head…as long as they never look in a mirror.

Obama family arrives at US Capitol prior to inauguration swear-in

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Because in Russia All Our Former Peoples Are Belong To Us

putin-bear2In Russia, man eat bear

Russian armed forces seized control of Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula on Saturday, as the Russian Parliament granted President Vladimir V. Putin broad authority to use military force in response to the political upheaval in Ukraine that dislodged a Kremlin ally and installed a new, staunchly pro-Western government.

In other news, former GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney refrained from saying “I told you so” and patiently awaits an apology from anyone at any of the major news outlets in America for mocking his position that Russia is an enemy of the United States.

Also, former GOP Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, having more than earned bragging rights, and knowing better than to expect an apology, said “I told you so:”

Yes, I could see this one from Alaska. I'm usually not one to Told-Ya-So, but I did, despite my accurate prediction being derided as ‘an extremely far-fetched scenario’ by the ‘high-brow’ Foreign Policy magazine. Here’s what this ‘stupid’ ‘insipid woman’ predicted back in 2008: ‘After the Russian Army invaded the nation of Georgia, Senator Obama's reaction was one of indecision and moral equivalence, the kind of response that would only encourage Russia's Putin to invade Ukraine next.’”

As Maggie reports, even Noam Chomsky was forced to take a step back:

“I don’t usually admire Sarah Palin, but when she was making fun of this ‘hopey, changey stuff,’ she was right. There was nothing there.”

If anyone wants to talk about the real War on Women, they should investigate the Progs’ treatment of Sarah Palin, butt that’s another post.

Screenshot Studio capture #1800Which one shoots like a girl?

Back to the current world crisis that we are no longer in a position to do anything about. On Friday afternoon  BHO issued a call to inaction. Then yesterday he skipped a meeting of his national security team at the White House to discuss the Russian invasion of Ukraine to work on his fantasy football picks. He was briefed  later by Susan Rice, because she’s known for her ability to cut through the facts and present just the simple parts. Then, after they sent Sam Power to the UN to put a scold on Russia, Big Guy called Putin himself. And here’s a picture to prove it:

bo calls putinLook closely: you may be knee deep in snow, butt apparently everything’s coming up roses in D.C.

After 90 minutes of trying unsuccessfully to persuade Pooty to pull his troops out of the Crimea be told him that he was left with no option other than to proceed with the inaction he called for on Friday afternoon. Accordingly, he cancelled plans for planning the Russian-hosted G-8 summit scheduled in June, and Putin hung up on him. So, rude letter to follow.

I’m not sure what all this means, other than we are witnessing a major shift in geopolitical power.

Screenshot Studio capture #1799We’re no longer the one with the Big Stick

And while BHO has always thought that America was a little too big for her boots, it remains to be seen how he’s going to like it when somebody takes him up on this proposition, and ends up dissing him personally in the process.

putin-owns-obama-russia-syria-standoff-overWhoa there partner! I didn’t say anything about giving you my star!

Because, you know, it’s always easy to be generous and  understanding when you’re the Big Dog. Not so much fun when you suddenly find yourself to be the little dog:


Yes my little friend, my dog is is bigger and meaner than your dog:

bo smug puppy_


obama will not eat breitbart's dog-2 copy_thumb[1]R.I.P. Andrew: Righteous Indignation Welcome Here


“When an American president has to issue veiled warnings to Vladimir Putin — say something that Putin should know as second nature — then something terrible has happened. Some upset has occurred. A thing that was previously there to keep the floor level has gone missing. Why else should President Obama have to make a pointless observation on TV to communicate something that Putin should know from the moment he puts on his socks in the morning?” – Richard Fernandez

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network