Saturday, January 17, 2015

It’s come to this: Kumbaya

It’s official: our foreign policy has devolved to singing.

Having found our previous #hashtag foreign policy no longer effective we’ve moved on to a different course of action. It consists of springing old pop songs, and old pop song purveyors, on both our friends and enemies in order to express our heartfelt concern and whoa, whoa, whoa feelings. I can only presume that the intended end game is sitting around a campfire singing Kumbaya. No word from Iran just yet on when that might occur.

In a piece titled “That time John Kerry got James Taylor to sing ‘You’ve got a friend’ to France.” even the Washington Post seemed to question the efficacy of this new tactic.

As you know, In what is arguably the regime’s most cringe inducing video of the  year - so far - Jean CarrĂ© brought an old has-been minstrel who can no longer carry a tune in a lockbox to serenade our French allies. Suffice it to say neither optics nor audio were good.

WaPo commenters were brutal, saying it looked like a parody of a SNL parody. Others saw it as proof that "don't do stupid stuff" is no longer our foreign policy. Someone even wondered why we hadn’t dispatched Cat Stevens (aka Yusuf Islam) instead – which I understand was actually under consideration, butt unfortunately he’s still on the “no fly” list. Too bad, because Peace Train might have better communicated our ultimate goal.

Oh, peace train sounding louder
Glide on the peace train
Come on the peace train

The only thing more fun than watching Jean CarrĂ©’s awkward humming along with sweet Baby James will be watching the next State Department briefing to see how Marie Harf explains it.

marie harf1Vacuous? I’m not sure I understand your question.

And more good news for the world! Big Guy tells us that “violent extremism” is not an existential threat (unless you’re talking about those dangerous Tea Party extremists). BO’s sidekick, David Cameron’s department of state must not be as well informed as ours as he continues to refer to the politicized totalitarian ideology that is threatening Western civilization as “Islamist terrorists.”

Big Guy’s other memorable point from the joint presser yesterday was his advice to Europe to not respond to this “violent extremism” with “a hammer.” Hey! That reminds me of a folksong! Too bad Mary Travers passed away (RIP) or we could send Peter Paul and Mary to serenade Iran while Congress wrestles with what sanctions to impose to address their growing nuclear threat.

 If I had a hammer,
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening,
All over this land


It's the hammer of Justice,
It's the bell of Freedom,

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Friday, January 16, 2015

Everything you need to know you can learn on Fox News

I see that Dish and Fox News have worked out their differences and now Dish subscribers can watch Fox News again. The White House is relieved because, despite protests to the contrary, the reality is that Big Guy gets all his news from Fox.

That’s right, since the Big White is a Dish subscriber, they were pretty much cut off from what was going on around the world when Fox went black last month over contract issues with Dish. So that whole kerfuffle about Big Guy not attending the march in Paris? Fox’s fault, for refusing the terms Dish offered.

So after blaming everyone for the Paris no-show kerfuffle  - from the Secret Service (protecting Big Guy in Paris would be too hard now that they’ve officially been deemed incompetent) to the Social Secretary (we were not even invited!) - the truth comes out. Nobody even knew about the big Unity Rally because they didn’t see it on the news!

So we’re glad Fox is back, butt unfortunately the damage has already been done. Across Europe people have begun to complain that, following the Charlie Hebdo massacre, Big Guy’s behavior “showed arrogance and was dismissive, even derisive” towards our European allies…

bo nose-upFrom Russia to Israel, from Great Britain to Honduras, President Obama has been insulting and nasty, apparently in the belief that passive-aggressive pejoratives can substitute for an actual foreign policy.Breitbart  

At least Big Guy has been able to pinpoint the primary cause of this growing Islamic terrorism around the globe: poverty, and racism. Just like in America. In their joint London Times op-ed BO and Britain’s Prime Minister Cameron joined with France’s President Hollande in blaming the Charlie attack on disaffected yutes (h/t: My Cousin Vinny) who have grown up in an atmosphere of intolerance and poverty. Butt don’t worry, Big Guy knows how to fix it! And all it requires is a little 3 letter word: Jobs Jobs Jobs!

So as it remains unclear what the meaning of “free” in free speech means, we will continue to equivocate over just exactly who and what it should apply to. So far in America we’ve determined that it does cover art  like a crucifix in a bottle of urine and a Madonna covered in elephant dung, butt it does not cover hate speech with respect to minorities of any race, creed, color or sexual orientation.

And in France, ongoing theatrics to the contrary, apparently not everybody is “Je Suis Charlie” after all, as 54 people have recently been arrested for hate speech, including a comedian! Wasn’t this whole thing over the rights of a comedic magazine to publish what some considered “hate speech” in the first place? This is all very confusing.

Oh well, I’m sure when Big Guy gets together with our greatest ally today he and David will be able to work through this whole mess, as they always have in the past.

bo cam talkin and eatinYou boys do realize you won’t be able to eat those delicious hotdogs in the land of Sharia, right?

Yes, I fear that we have met hypocrisy, and its name is “Liberalism.”

muslim-protest-sign-massacre-those-who-insult-islam“I don’t agree with what you say, butt I’ll defend to your death my right to stop you from saying it.”

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Thursday, January 15, 2015

#TBT– that’s Throw Back Thursday in case you don’t know.

“Michelle Obama danced with a turnip and knows how to #tbt. Can her savvy help her kids use social media?” Washington Post

To save you the trouble, “#tbt” stands for “hashtag throw back Thursday” – when everybody tweets old pictures of themselves. So okay, she asked for it. Here are just a few #tbt pics from our historic first year, which completely transformed the meaning of fashion:

ammo belt[10]Here we transform our artillery belt into the year’s biggest fashion trend, the boob belt; demonstrating both our fashion sense and our flair for irony.

market day[4]A rather short lived transformational fashion trend: the sweater-fold-and-pin in order to highlight your keister. Lei is completely optional.


medal_of_honor_Jared_Monti_thumb[6][11]The cocktail-dress-as-posthumous-medal-of-honor award ceremony transformation. People are still talking about this one!

pitts way back[3]Ever fashion forward: transforming the lowly sun dress to appropriate G-12 dinner attire.

tablecloth[5]And transforming anything, even grandma’s table cloth, into a sundress.

six toes[7]And in another historic first, here for the first time ever we use the terms “First Lady of the United States” and “short shorts” in the same sentence.

Here’s a slightly blurry, unofficial (i.e. unauthorized) bonus shot of another transformational first: Lady M rockin’ the first documented case of a FLOTUS wearing over-the-knee brown suede boots.

mo boots kittenheels_thumb[2]

Which was a slight improvement over the previous boot shot in our historic first year:

Was2228278Ill-fitting slacks teamed up with boots lined with some sort of dead animal: 


So, there you have it: throw back Thursday in pictures. Butt while we’re at it, let’s mention a couple of the other transformational highlights from that heady first year:

It was the year of the Big Government Auto takeover, which protected the Big Unions from annihilation at the expense of the bondholders.

And remember when Air Force Won took it’s first totally unauthorized and apparently unmanned victory lap around the Statue of Liberty?

air-force-one-300x180 (1)

And who could forget the transformation of terrorism into “man caused disasters,” and boy! Have we ever had a lot of them!

man caused bump in the roadHere’s an IED creating a man caused “bump in the road” in Afghanistan.

And it was the year that Secret Service security procedures at the Big White began their long slide.

partycrashThe uninvited guests show up for their official photo

And last butt certainly not least, it was the year that completely transformed our health care system.

group hugWhat a great pen…if only I had a phone too.

Don’t worry, I don’t think I’m going to be up to this every Thursday. Butt by all means, feel free to post your favorite #tbt pic, if you think you can stomach it.

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Joining Forces: “Team-Plants” and Hollywood

I’m pleased to report that I have arrived safely in Park City where all the Christmas trees are still festooned with zillions of lights and everything is covered with a foot of fresh snow.

It’s still really early here so let me be brief: Lady M released a new Joining Forces video with Greg Popovich, coach of the San Antonio Spurs. They both look like they’re making a hostage tape. I don’t know about Greg, maybe it’s the itchy new beard (the white one) that’s causing it. With Lady M it’s undoubtedly due to her ongoing battle with  BRF (bitchy resting face).

mo greg popovich spurs coach 

And again, maybe it’s the altitude or the time zone, butt every time I look at that refraction of Lady M, all I see is Peashooter:


“The Peashooter is the assault character of Team Plants. Their fully automatic weapons, explosive chili bean, and hyper mode makes them the perfect character to use when on the frontlines, eliminating as many Zombies as possible.”

So is it just me, or does anyone else see how helpful this secret weapon could be around Washington?

Seriously, I need to get more sleep. So while I get a few more hours of shut eye, you should read Neo-Neocon’s Irony, Thy Name is Obama. I think she may have inadvertently stumbled upon Big Guy’s next occupation: can you say “Hollywood?”

If the guy portrayed in that speech had won an election, the result probably wouldn’t have been half bad. But that guy never existed; he was an actor reading his lines. 2004 was his first performance on the national stage, and he ought to have won an Oscar for it.

Plants-Vs-Zombies-Garden-Warfare-guide-header You keep eating your peas and the Zombies will keep winning

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Last night, I dreamed of a world without peas.

Not my favorite way to wrap up a road trip: it’s going to be a snowy trip through the mountain passes today. So I’ll just wrap up my thoughts on this pea thing, that I can’t seem to get off my brain, and leave you all to sort it out.

pea-brainI sure hope it isn’t something I ate.

As a member of the humble legume family, the pea is well known for it’s ability to create “alternate energy” in the form of *ahem* carbon producing gas (thanks for that insight, Lantern). Therefore one could argue that it serves as a perfect symbol for Big Guy’s regime as it does exactly what we are best known for: being foisted by our own petard.

your peabrain on a tinePea Power – don’t underestimate it

Additionally all those peas that we are constantly being reminded that we have to eat might explain Big Guy’s pea-vish (alternate spelling: peevish) behavior; there is nothing that puts you off your good mood like a case of gas.

bo grimace Frown-Obama

And I suppose it could explain the proliferation of peas-ants (alternate spelling: pissants) around here:

holder rice jarrett

- as well as everyone’s attitude towards the peasants in the kingdom:

Obama_Peasants_Delegates“Look, you didn’t build that on your own…”

Indeed, peas, or at least the pea-brain syndrome, might even explain Big Guy’s attitude towards Muslims and Islamic terrorism (the schtrength thru appeasement plan).

01125111_Par__89380_ImageFileAppeasement Abroad, Socialism at Home: What could go wrong?

So I’d like to apologize for yet another pea thread, butt I blame the lack of oxygen at these elevations, as well as the residual effects of last night’s snow frost – which is beautiful, butt deadly.

ice fog

Or I suppose it could be due to the number of peas I’ve been required to eat over these past 6 years. As I told you yesterday, if you eat too many of them, you will develop a pea-brain.

I think it may be time for another food revolution:

Eat-Your-Peas1This peasant revolt is brought to you by one of MOTUS’ own MOL’s!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Monday, January 12, 2015

Pass the Pea-Brains, Please.

As it turns out, the rumor that Big Guy did not attend France’s unity march in Paris (due to critical NFL Playoffs) was incorrect. Photojournalists at Twitchy provided evidence:

clint knewH/T Clint Eastwood

Seriously, I’m beginning to think that eating too many vegetables isn’t good for us after all. All those peas that we’ve been forced to eat since MO and BO occupied the Big White seems to be turning everyone’s brain to mush. peas (1)

I’m not certain how it works, exactly, butt I do know what the results are:


The proliferation of pea-brains certainly explains a lot; take the protestors arrested outside of the Real Dick Cheney’s home over the weekend for example. They were protesting the 14th anniversary of the opening of Gitmo. Great, just as Jihadi terrorism is rejuvenating its ugly face, Code Pink wants us to close up shop and send all the unrepentant terrorists who aren’t teaching in American colleges back to work in their previous places of employment around the world. Brilliant.


Pea-brain proliferation could explain a lot. How else to explain our decision to keep Big Guy safe in Washington instead of showing solidarity against Islamic terrorism with the French yesterday? What pea-brained numbskull automaton at the State Department made that decision?

pea brained spokesmouthPea-brained State Department spokes-mouth

This is MOTUS, reporting from somewhere on the road in fly-over, where temperatures have once again dipped into the sub-sub freezing range. Brrrrrrr!

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Sunday, January 11, 2015

The End of Outrage

As you’ll recall, Sammy resigned last month “to spend more time with his family.” 

“First lady Michelle Obama on Thursday tapped FoodCorps co-founder Debra “Deb” Eschmeyer Executive Director of her “Let’s Move!” initiative and Senior Policy Advisor for Nutrition Policy. Eschmeyer replaces Chicago native and Obama family personal chef Sam Kass, who resigned last month.” - Chicago Tribune

And despite gossip like this:

Kitchen magician Sam Kass got fed up with Michelle’s snippy comments and told the Obamas to take his apron and shove it, insiders told The National ENQUIRER. “He just couldn’t take it – the relentless nitpicking, over petty little details that drove him insane.

- let me be clear; Sammy did NOT leave because Lady M was “a bitch” “the queen of mean.”

kass flotusBack in the good old days, when all you had to do was eat your peas.

Sorry, butt no, just no; Sammy knew that part of the equation coming in; I mean he had been the O’s private chef in Chicago, long before they were “the Wons” -  back when they were still just the “Presents.”

20obama-450 “Oh yeah, I’m so ‘present,’ and what more could you want?”

Sammy knew very well what his Faustian deal entailed and he was good with it. So no, it wasn’t Sammy’s call, it was Lady M’s. She found his attitudes toward her food pogrom a little too passive and went looking for someone she felt could generate some new buzz for her signature “Let’s Move” initiative (LM®) to fight childhood obesity. It had been months since she and her hallmark program have been featured on the cover of a national magazine. She was looking for someone with more gravitas, more chops, to hype her LM® initiative. That’s where our new Executive Director, Debra Eschmeyer, comes in; she was a perfect fit.

Debra Eschmeyer, a self-described “food justice” activist who believes that all aspects of food production and consumption should be “shared fairly.”Washington Beacon

I know Lady M will like the “activist” part but I wonder if she knows about that “shared fairly” part? MO’s not really all that into sharing her food,

giant lobsterI’ll have this baby steamed up for you in no time. Extra butter?

Butt back to Deb: as a food activist Deb is very interested in “food justice” which she explains thusly:

“Food justice seeks to ensure that the benefits and risks of where, what, and how food is grown, produced, transported, distributed, accessed, and eaten are shared fairly.”

“It represents a transformation of the current food system, including but not limited to eliminating disparities and inequities,” Eschmeyer added.

She’s just as concerned about food deserts as Lady M, and believes that justice demands they be eliminated:

Food Justice, published by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), argues that the food system needs to be “transformed” because of too many fast food restaurants and “food deserts.”

And not only is she concerned about childhood obesity, like Lady M, butt she’s concerned about an epidemic of “globesity.” That’s right, fat heard round the world, and wouldn’t you know it: it’s America’s fault.

In today’s food system, farm workers face difficult and hazardous conditions, low-income neighborhoods lack supermarkets but abound in fast-food restaurants and liquor stores, food products emphasize convenience rather than wholesomeness, and the international reach of American fast-food franchises has been a major contributor to an epidemic of ‘globesity,’” a description of the book states.

Untitled-1Because worrying about your own weight, and that of your own children is no longer enough.

“To combat these inequities and excesses, a movement for food justice has emerged in recent years seeking to transform the food system from seed to table.”

“Transform the food system from seed to table.” Think about that: I don’t know what it means either. Butt when I read it brought to mind Francis Fukuyama’s 1989 article “The End of History?” You know, his famous essay in which he argued that humanity's sociocultural evolution had reached its end point with Western liberal democracy.  Deb’s definition of “food justice” played in the same key for me: it’s as if humanity has officially reached the end point where we have run out of legitimate things to be outraged over and now we were just making stuff up.

sharpton outraged

I don’t expect to see an end of outrage anytime soon. As Mr. Fukuyama discovered 25 years after writing about the end of history, nothing ever ends. It just pushes the replay button and everything starts all over again.

Every battle ever fought has been fought before, every war ever waged has been waged before. We just never, ever learn.

crusades knight templar

MOTUS TRAVEL UPDATE:The local gendarmes still had I-94 closed on Saturday morning, so I delayed my scheduled departure yet again. As of midnight Saturday, still closed. Hoping for better news in the morning, if not, I’ll have to find an alternate southerly route. At this rate I’ll miss all the stars at Sundance!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network