Desserts in the Desert

Yesterday we went grocery shopping in a former food desert in Philly. Where once there were only 7-11’s, there is now, thanks to an entrepreneur, a new Fresh Grocer store. For the occasion, Lady M dressed up as a giant blueberry.

 

MO dragged Secretary of Agriculture, Tom Vilsack, and Secretary of Treasury, Timmy Geitner, along. It’s unclear why, but I think Rahmbo just wanted them out of his hair. We had to get special clearance before they would let Toxic Tim into the organic vegetable department.I thought maybe Timmy came along to pay the bill for the organic arugula, but, as it turned out, Lady M had her own money!  She bought herself a strawberry, banana and blueberry smoothie: $4.31. Either Tom and Timmy didn’t want one, or it was a Dutch treat date.

Then we all went to the Fairhill elementary school to kickoff Lady M’s childhood obesity campaign, called Let’s Move. This doesn’t seem to have anything to do with moving, but our program also includes a $10 billion budget proposal to improve school lunches. I’m sure the connection will be revealed later.

Telling the kids about the cool Fresh Grocer store she just visited in the middle of a former “food desert” she said "What Pennsylvania has shown us is, if we provide the right incentives, people will invest in these neighborhoods." Uhhh, yup, it’s called capitalism. But we don’t teach that in schools anymore.

I know you want to see the  Zero + Maria Cornejo belt that MO wore with her blueberry velvet jacket:

Frankly, I don’t see what’s so special about it, other than it’s price, although it’s position – somewhere below the boobs and above the hips – does begin to approximate a waist. So there’s fashion news right there! I don’t think you can make much of the white shirt, grey sweater or pin striped banker pants. Unless you want to talk about the fit. I’d really just as soon not.

Our newest East Wing staffer, Stephanie Cutter, hired to “co-ordinate” Lady M’s “Let’s Move” campaign, has already proven her weight in gold with the hugely successful kickoff of Lady M’s signature First Lady program.  MO’s chief of staff, Susie Sher, said Cutter was hired for the obesity initiative because "We needed someone to focus on just this for us. She's almost like a COO of the whole project," I thought that was Lady M’s job, but, like Big Guy, I guess she’s just the all-important figurehead. Which is a really big job too.  Stephie did manage to get us on Good Morning America, Today, Larry King, and Huckabee. And we all know how hard it is for the O’s to get face time on TV.

But wrapping the day up back at Fairhill, Lady M said the goal of eliminating childhood obesity within a generation was an “ambitious but doable goal.” Timmy, when pressed by a sixth grader, opined that the goal of eliminating the equally obese federal deficit was even more ambitious, and completely undoable.

Ed Rendell amuses Toxic Tim with a little tax joke

All Tommy V added to the day was a reminder to the kids to be sure to thoroughly wash all  of the healthy fruits and vegetables they add to their diet  – especially the ones that come from Mexico and South America.

McQueen is Dead. Long Live our Queen

I’m sure you all know that it’s Fashion Week in New York. We can’t really get into it this year, as we’re still mourning the loss of the talented Alexander McQueen. In his honor, Lady M wore one of his uglier more unusual blouses yesterday when she held court with 10 poor children from the London borough of Islington.

The children all won an essay contest for Black History Month, and were rewarded with a trip to the United States, and a special Big White meeting with MO. We are extending our gracious mentoring skills all the way across the pond now. I do worry that Lady M might be stretching herself too thin (metaphorically speaking) with all these additional needy children. Here’s a little of the inspirational message that she delivered to the kids, who were enthralled:

I tell my kids that this is practice for the rest of your life, because you don't wake up and become the person that you are (You need the Chicago machine to make that happen). President Obama didn't wake up to become who he is (Huh?). It was a lot of practice early on, of getting things done.(Huh?) You're going to slip and fall and trip along the way.(Watch out for the Cocaine! That could be a hard trip and fall.) He certainly did. I did a little less than he did. (You see, the President does have some flaws, unlike me. That’s why his poll numbers are going down and mine aren’t.)

Each lucky winner also got one of our new Big White Goody Bags: organic prune fruit leather made with organic plums that were allowed to drop from the trees naturally rather than being plucked brutally from their limbs while still in their prime. Organic Hubbard squash seeds from the organic garden that have been lightly roasted and tossed with a teaspoon of honey from our own very busy bees, a copy of the popular Fast Food Calorie Counter:

And, a foldable life sized cardboard cut out of Lady M. Personally, I think the kids are going to have a lot of trouble getting this stuff through Security for the flight back to Britain. Especially the Prune Leather.

But no matter, they will have their memories, which will last a life time. Let’s hope they’re all good.

Sahar Abdulrahman gets hugged by Lady M

Degol Tesfai shakes hands with MO

Curtly Mejias practices taking orders

I seldom notice these things, but it appeared that most of the students who won the essay contests were Muslims.

I don’t know if that was just a coincidence, or if that’s what we ordered.

Tat-A-Tat-Tat

You’ve probably already read Madame DeFarge’s comment that I forgot about the architect of the Chinese Cultural Revolution, Mao Zedong. Not exactly.

This excellent tat was nixed by Ax-man because he thought it would be used by the trolls at FOX News to dredge up that old “Mao is Anita Dunn’s favorite philosopher” crap. Also, there are far too many similarities between our HOPE & CHANGE and that Cultural Revolution thing to move our poll needle in the right direction.

That wasn’t the only stamp censored placed on hold by our historic On-Message Team:

 Stalin: won WW2 (per Chuck Schumer) and let us take the credit

Attila, NOT vegan. Or organic.

 Mr T: I thought for sure they’d go for the king of bling.

 

 Joey:He might have made the cut if he could keep his yap shut

 PeeWee: We didn’t want anyone to get all wee-weed up

Nefertiti: NO-BOD-Y upstages Lady M

Sorry Pancho, they said amnesty for illegal immigrants immigration reform isn’t on the agenda until our historic 3rd year

 

Losing this one hurt a little bit.

Mussolini:This guy was a fascist, right?

 Did I mention that NO-BO-DY upstages Lady M?

 

 Bo was in until Rhambo stepped in  a Bo-nut in the Oval.

Another Public Servant in the Big White

We don’t talk about Grammy in public very often. For one reason, until this article came out, none of us were quite sure if she was here of her own free will or not. Especially since the only thing on record was her comment last year on CBS' "Sunday Morning:" "They're dragging me with them, and I'm not comfortable with that."

But after they worked out the details - salary, benefits, time off, use of Air Force One and weekly allowance for outings – Grammy seems to have settled in. Sure, MO still tries to boss her around like SHE is in charge, but Grammy just ignores her and does as she pleases. I guess that’s where Lady M gets it.

Lady M and Grammy’s glamour shots

Anyway, we don’t like to talk too much about Grammy being here, because there are always a bunch of right wing nuts looking to criticize the O’s for the least little thing. But I ask you, does it make sense to think that someone as busy as Lady M would have time to raise her own children? Are you kidding me? Don’t you know what Lady M is doing for our country? She is busy mentoring other peoples children, saving America’s children from obesity and supporting the entire American fashion industry practically single handedly. So let’s not begrudge MO dragging Grammy, kicking and screaming, from her little bungalow in Chicago to the Big White.

She’s doing it for the children, after all.

H/T Jenni M

Wookie Lookie Winner !!!

The polls are closed, the results are in and the winner is:

FULL RUSKIE !!!

I was a little surprised. I thought maybe it was our time to return to the classics, given that we’re now into year two of our historic recession, but apparently I read that all wrong. The polls don’t lie. Our campaign team reviewed the results and gave us their analysis: Ax-man said the Full Ruskie represents “change we can believe in” and “hope for the future of fashion”, and Toes just said the Ruskie “kicked a@@”.

I’m just an amateur at this “getting behind the numbers” stuff, but it seems to me that with fully 90% of you voting for a Wookie with a belt, it’s a little too early to retire that accessory completely. Sorry.

I want to thank our historic administration’s millions of loyal fans who took the time to vote over, and over again. It proves that democracy can work even if FOX News is still on the air.

We’re also poll-testing another historic first for our historic second year (can you believe it? Year 2 already!). This one is not as fashion forward as the radiator belts were, but I think it makes a statement. What do you think?

Pick The Stamp Champ

Fidel Castro

Castro Theater

Che

Cher

Karl Marx

Groucho Marx

Lenin

Lennon

And honestly, the possibilities are limitless. Rahmbo is really excited, because he thinks this will really help get our message out in advance of 2012.  Again, I’m pretty new at this election numbers stuff, but it seems to me we’ve already got our message out there a little too far.

Almost Larger Than Life

Is it just me, or do you find this a little creepy too?

First Lady Michelle Obama Life-Size Standup Poster

I mean, it’s a life sized standup of Lady M! Why would you buy this? To stand by the frig to wave off those after-dinner snack attacks? To stand next to your mirror to remind you that you, too, can be successful? Or to remind you that success, like designer Maria Pinto’s, is fleeting and should not be squandered?

I thought this kind of motivational app was made for your iPhone. Why take up 6’ x 4’ of precious floor space for these reminders. But Amazon points out many other uses for the Lady M cutout as well:

Product Features

• Stands 6 feet tall! (I think that’s about a foot short of life-size)
• This Michelle Obama poster is mounted to heavy duty cardboard.
• Comes to you folded and is easily assembled.
• Great for mounting to a wall or door, or it can be displayed free standing with the included easel.
• Designed to decorate any room or party

I appreciate the American capitalism system as much as they next guy,( more, if you’re talking about the next guy around Big White). But come on, Lady M isn’t even getting royalties.

On the other hand, it is only $44.30 & this item ships for FREE with Super Saver Shipping.

Maybe Eric Holder can work out the details for us. Naturally all proceeds will go to a charity: “The Lady M’s benevolent fund for people who chose to sacrifice and do public service work instead of partaking of the greedy capitalistic system.”

If we can work out the details, I understand Big Guy’s flatsimile is available too. (Reflecting current market conditions, his Amazon price has been slashed from $44.95  to $31.95):

Big Guy’s Life-Sized Standup Poster 

Cartoon thought balloons are extra, but can be customized.

And if this works out, we may issue an exclusive line of life-sized designer paper clothes. Ditto on the proceeds.

"Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez"

Today is Fat Tuesday, also known as Maundy Tuesday: the last day of Mardi Gras in New Orleans – a city we love – and Carnivale in Rio de Janeiro– a city we hate. Because they stole our Olympics.

Obama homage in Dusseldorf carnival parade

You would think that Fat Tuesday would be a natural around here wouldn’t you? And it would be, except for the fact that it’s followed by 40 days of fasting and penance! Although we don’t really observe the Lenten season in the Big White - because of the separation of church and steak - but we do have some suggestions for those who do. Lady M had some of her little people in the kitchen come up with a healthy version of the traditional Maundy Tuesday, end of Mardi Gras feast:

 Big Guy bows to the King of Mardi Gras

 

Traditional: Hurricanes Oysters Rockefeller Jambalaya Spicy Seafood Gumbo Red Beans and Rice with Andouille King Cake

Anti-Fat: Tropical Depressions Eggplant Johnson Low-sugar Jam-balaya Spicy Obama Mumbo-jumbo Red Beans and Rice                     Obama (carrot) Cake

Remember: Only you can prevent Fat Head syndrome.

Fashions and Felons: Just Another Day

There have been a lot of our little people in the news today.

First Maria Pinto: 

You remember - one of Lady M’s favorite designers before she became first lady and everyone started giving her new stuff to wear? Apparently Maria didn’t get enough from the stimulus package to offset the decline in purchases made by MO once she grew too big (metaphorically speaking) for her designs. She’s shuttering her Chicago atelier due to the downturn in retail, fashion, and – let’s face it – just about everything else related to the economy.

We’re not taking this one personally though, it’s not  like that Scott Brown affair. Maria hasn’t really been in our power rotation for a while now. We’ve only worn her on a recycled basis since we Won.  And frankly, her creations weren’t really fashion forward enough for us. Some of them, if they had fit right, actually looked a little too FLOTUS-y.

 Red Maria Pinto, November ‘08

 Aqua Maria Pinto Sheath, Democratic convention

Remember, this might have been the same dress, but Maria had nothing to do with the L.L. Bean coat and radiator belt at the Tomb of the Unknown soldier (nor did I). Lady M provided all the fashion on her own.

  Recycled, with Lady M style

And we have Maria to thank for exposing MO’s fabulously toned arms to the public:

Purple Maria Pinto sheath, with Azzidine Alaia belt

Never-the-less, being thrown over all of a sudden by both Lady M and her handmaiden, Ikram, did take a toll on Maria’s psyche. She lost her touch and turned this out at last fall’s showing of her spring collection:

Don’t worry, Maria’s applied for some emergency bailout funding and will open up shop again providing upholstery and awning services to the stars.

In unrelated news: our private Big White chef, Christeta Comerford and pastry chef Bill Yosses are going to be on Martha Stewart today,

spilling the beans on the family’s eating habits. Ha! Not really, she’s going to tell Martha that all we eat are vegetables and low fat desserts. Get this: Turkey lasagna, with spinach! And orange yogurt cake with baked apple. In your dreams baby, in your dreams.

Even Martha seemed a bit skeptical. But then, she’s a hardened felon, and you can’t fool them like you can most of the people.

Wookie Lookies

Just a quick update from the Valentine’s party: so far we’ve had plenty of caviar, blinis, cream fraiche and champagne. I’m not sure what the main course is yet, but I’m sure it will be something healthy.

Regarding Lady M’s new fur coat, I’ve taken all of your comments (especially srdem65, who I believe has a future in fashion forward design) from the previous post into consideration. Here’s what I’ve come up with to save Big Guy’s behind, but I need some help before selecting the final reflection. We started with the basic mink (blackglama, Madame D, what else?) I couldn’t quite handle the mini with thigh-highs, even with all my powers, so it’s standard length. Sleeveless was a no-brainer: what could be more fashion forward than a sleeveless mink?

Where I need your help is with the accessories. Which complete look do you prefer? (my favorite part, the little bespoke purse goes with all 4 looks.)

  Wookie #1: classic elegance, with brooch

Wookie #2: Classic radiator boob belt

Wookie # 3 Fashion forward kuffiyeh BB

 Wookie #4 Full Ruskie

As always, Chicago rules apply. Polls close on Tuesday. I want to use this look on Wednesday when Spain’s King Juan Carlos comes to meet with Big Guy. I think it’s appropriately regal. Then on Thursday, the Dali Lama is coming over. Mo thinks something from her Chinese dynasty collection would probably be better protocol for that meeting. I tried to explain the politics of the situation to her, but she will hear none of it. I hope this doesn’t turn into another international incident.