Well, I must say Lady M is showing a real flare for this crisis management assignment. Before doing anything else, she found a way to blame Bush.
President Barack Obama pledged $100 million for Haiti quake relief on Thursday and enlisted former U.S. presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton to help raise more, vowing to the Haitian people: "You will not be forsaken.” (like the brothers in New Orleans)
Immediately following our standard 72 hour delayed reaction to disasters, we sprung into action. The good news is that the Haitian earthquake is beginning to look like a crisis that we can use to our advantage. The bad news is that MO has called in Ezekiel Emanuel and Jack Kevorkian to set up her humanitarian aid operation.
As I understand it so far, in order to contain costs and provide health care for all Haitians, Zeke and Dr. Jack are going down to set up triage operations to determine who will receive medical treatment and who will just be given a pain pill.
This is really critical, since it will be the first big test of our health care system. You might be thinking that it’s really the second test – the swine flu pandemic being the first, but that didn’t count. We inherited that from our predecessor (Bush).
Not that we’re condoning this natural disaster in any way, but it will serve as a good opportunity to try out our Obamacare on people who can’t actually vote next November – unless they’re really, really happy with the outcomes. In that case, we’ll be opening a satellite ACORN office in Port au Prince. They’ll probably be needing help since a lot of Haitians will have already expired and therefore won’t be able to vote in the traditional manner. Am I about to step off a precipice here? I better back away, because if I fall and get broken, that’s 7 years of bad luck. Three more is bad enough.