Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Acting Stupidly To Rave Reviews

I got back to the Big White just in time to prepare myself and Lady M for our annual performance review. I think it went rather well.

Lady M invited a select team of reporters over today to chat about the historic first year in the Big White. The short version: MO announced that she sees no need for any do-over's from her and Big Guy’s first year. For the occasion Lady M wore a do-over: “a favorite russet-red dress and over-the-knee Jimmy Choo suede boots that she confessed allow her to avoid wearing stockings.It’s probably just me, because I’ve never worn boots or stockings, but it just doesn’t seem as though boots would be more comfortable than a pair of those leggy thingies that the other FLOTUS used to wear.

I’d show you a picture of the red dress and Jimmy Choo’s, but the keeper of the official Big White flickr photo stream wants a do over. Apparently he missed my refractions, and let’s just say his performance evaluation is coming up too. I’ll get you a copy as soon as he touches it up.

Mo adopted a positive attitude about the past year for the Big White review. She set the tone right at the start, saying she and BO did everything perfectly and therefore she saw no need for any make-overs. After all, there really isn’t very much left to make over, is there?

Make over the banks, check.

Make over the Autos, check.

Make over the list of who can take Air Force One out for a victory lap, check.

Make over the Big White grounds into a mini-farm and petting zoo, check.

Make over terrorism into “man caused disasters,” check.

Make over security clearances at State functions, check (shout out to Desiree for that one).

Make over health care, check.

Make over the hairdo, check.

I hope this doesn’t effect my performance review, but I could suggest just a few teensy-weenzy things where a do-over might be in order:



The black Madonna look for the papal audience







ammo belt

Ammo belts with anything,ever




market day Sweaters that don’t cover the keister

 medal_of_honor_Jared_Monti_thumb[6] Cocktail dresses at a medal of honors award ceremony

pitts way back Sundresses EVER

six toes

The use of “short shorts” and FLOTUS in the same sentence



tablecloth Grandma’s table cloth anywhere other than a picnic table

But the reporters weren’t that interested in make-overs, they  wanted to know if Lady M wanted an apology from Harry Reid because of his acting stupidly. She very graciously said "Harry Reid has no need to apologize to me. Because I know Harry Reid. I measure people more so on what they do, rather than the things that they say." Boy, Big Guy is very lucky the rest of the country doesn’t feel that way, or his approval ratings would probably look just like poor old Harry’s do. (note: there are no demerits for improper syntax/grammar, as long as you went to Princeton and Harvard.)

So our performance review, conducted by the hand selected reporters from the supportive media, went really well (and if you don’t believe me, just check Goggle). Lady M gave herself an A-, and the reporters kicked it up to a solid A+, in recognition of the fact that her “great-great-great grandmother was actually a slave.” White guilt is still a potent force around this town: it still has the power to make people act stupidly.