Thursday, August 6, 2009

Burger Bumps

Yi-yiy-yiy! I take one afternoon off to have my surfaces glazed, and look what happens: Michelle Obama 

Michelle and the girls go out for burgers and "tempura" onion rings at Good Stuff Eatery, the paparazzi get wind of royalty and the next thing we know, photos and evidence. Two seconds later, we’re hearing the preggers rumors again. Without benefit of my powerful refractors, those burger bumps can easily be mistaken for “baby bumps.”  It’s a good thing Lady M didn’t hear the smartass that was wondering if her ass was pregnant too.

Wouldn’t you think the shallow celebrity tabloid press corp would have something better to do than gossip about FLOTUS? What am I saying?  They’re a hateful crowd if ever I saw one.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Bubba Does North Korea

Not so pleasant around here today. Both BO and MO are in a bad mood over that little Clinton maneuver in NOKO. They don’t mind that the girls are back home, but they really hate it whenever Bubba takes front and center.

Besides, BO likes to do all the apologizing for America himself.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


best dressed O

You’re probably asking yourself the same thing we’ve been asking around the White House: what took so long? Lady M has been on Vanity Fair’s best dressed celebrity list for ever. And frankly, with all that JCrew stuff, that’s a bit of a stretch – if it weren’t for my special effects.

But BO? Well, we were sweating it after that fiasco in the “mom” jeans and the sissy pitch.

But once again, the MSM comes through for us:

“He’s polished, he’s so well-groomed and he’s beautifully accessorized,” Collins said. “He has a classic American look, but with a little more continental flair.”

No wait, that was Brad Pitt. Here’s what they said about BO:

“He has such a natural ease and elegance,” Collins told Vieira. “He’s completely comfortable in his own skin. He is very much in the tradition of American classic dressers, but relaxed. You just watch the way he rolls up his sleeves and you can see how much he cares about the way he looks, but not too much.”

The best part is that this is a celebrity list. That means that when we leave, by choice or force, the White House, we’ve got another gig lined up. And better yet: a celebrity gig doesn’t require us to do anything! Well, except for me; I’ll have to keep refracting the magic, but I’m ready to move on anyway. Washington can be so shallow.

But in the short term, we’re just really pleased to have something of this magnitude to take the MSM’s mind off of that Health Plan deal and the Cash4Clunkers fiasco.

Life is good. I’m going to go pack for Martha’s V.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Blue Monday

I love blue M&Ms, and not just because I work for Lady M. They’re tasty, they melt in your mouth - not in your hand, and they are blue. We’re all about blue here in Big White: blue states, blue bloods, blue notes on blues night.


But who knew tasty blue M&M’s would be real medicine? CNN is reporting that “…Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that when they injected the compound Brilliant Blue G (BBG) into rats suffering spinal cord injuries, the rodents were able to walk again, albeit with a limp…”

Good news, no?

So a lot of us around The House were understandably confused by Toes’ morning tweet ordering that all blue M&Ms be removed from all US Government candy dishes and disposed of in the appropriate recycling bins.

I thought that Toes was just concerned about the side effects of the spinal cord treatments which can be seen in the before and after pictures of the cute little test mouse:


Is that not the cutest mouse you have ever seen? Ok,even if they are vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, blue blood might not be the best look for the Royal Couple.bluebamas copyTOTUS and Gibbsy thought that being blue through and through might expose too much of our “moderate” hand. A little too transparent, if you know what I mean.

But it turns out we were all wrong. Rahmbo was really afraid that - if the researchers were right - it might explain why the blue dogs in congress, who frequently breeze through and empty the candy dishes, appear to be growing spines.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Flower Child

Eeeeww! Sir Paul was serenading Lady M from afar. It was pretty creepy watching this ex-Beetle, who’s “sell by” date expired sometime in the last century, crooning “Mee-shell” to FLOTUS like a mop-headed 70 year old Jonas Brother. Thank goodness we were safely encamped at Camp David making s’mores for the equally fawning press corps.

We should’ve seen this coming, since the cute Beetle has been drooly over all-things-Obama since BO’s campaign got in gear. I’m thinking he mistook MO for a flower child; a flash back to that summer of hope, dope and love.

It’s true Lady M does have a soft spot for those big squirty flowers. She actually got the idea from Joey B who is known around the White House as the Merry Prankster. Most people around here know about the squirting flower gag and stay out of range when she’s

michelle green flower michelle red flower

wearing one. But as TOTUS has pointed out, Joey B falls for it every time. We can’t figure out if he’s just sucking up, or if he suffered permanent damage as a result of the original Electric Kool-aid Acid Test. Which, when you think about it, could explain a lot.