Saturday, December 11, 2010

Obama has left the building

Remember when Newsweek speculated that maybe the president’s job was just too big for any one person? That Big Guy could use some assistance? Well, we took their critique of the job to heart, and have been searching for someone qualified to pinch hit for the Won.

We needed someone capable of buttressing our historic, transformative leader. Someone with deft political skills as well as experience and maturity.  Someone with presidential ability, but no active presidential aspirations.

Someone like Bill Clinton…hey, why not Bill?!?

eat more beef bo That vegan diet really seems to be working. Lady M would approve.

And why not? He loves the fine art of negotiation, hammering out the compromise, adjudicating a settlement, practicing the fine art and finesse of crafting a workable deal – all of the crap that Big Guy hates, and, let’s face it, he’s so bad at.

Big Guy and Big Dawg met alone earlier yesterday, and while I don’t know specifically what they discussed, it must have gone well because they decided to hold a joint informal presser to announce their co-presidency. And it worked out really well, because as it turned out Big Guy had to leave! Lady M promised Sidwell that he’d show up for Sasha’s Winter Holiday program. And you don’t promise things that you can’t deliver on.

After a few minutes, Obama seemed to conclude that he would be better served by being out of the picture than as a bystander. "I've been keeping the first lady waiting for about half an hour, so I'm going to take off," he said.

Clinton responded, "Well, I - I don't want to make her mad. Please go."

Two items of note here: first, NOBODY wants to make MO angry. And second, doesn’t “Please go” sound like an order? Either way, it doesn’t quite make BO look like the in-charge commander[-in-chief.

x610 Lady M and BO arriving for a prescheduled Sidwell Friends school commitment. I think it was a Winter Holiday program, with cookies and hot cocoa.

Of course, when BO left and Bill took over, there was a moment of confusion. Was Big Guy quitting? Was the big Dawg taking over? The Twitterers were going crazy.

Clinton, who highlighted how the plan extends unemployment benefits for 13 months, joked that he made "quite a bit of money now, so the position that the Republicans have urged will personally benefit me."

"And on its own, I wouldn't support it because I don't think that my tax cut is the most economically efficient way to get the economy going again," said the former president, who is vastly popular.

Is this guy a master of triangulation, or WHAT!?

I’m not sure I’ve got the complete bead on how this Bill/Bo thing came together, but I think George Soros arranged it in order to preserve his investment.  If it works out we’re going to introduce a new plan to reduce the deficit.  We’ll be initiating a weekly auction for a “Be  co-president for a day.” Opening bid will be $25 Billion. As I understand it, Bill has enough financial backing to give him the job for at least the next year.

Obama Clinton “I said, Obama has left the building.”   

I’m not sure that’s such a good idea though. All Bill does is remind people what a real president was like.  And that constitutional amendment that everyone was talking about after Big Guy won his historic election – the one that would allow him to run for a 3rd, 4th or even 5th term?  I guess that would apply to everyone. Maybe it’s not such a good idea after all.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Obama: The Light Bringer

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light, and it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

ltbl Let there be light!

And with the touch of a button, Big Guy lit up the national Christmas (!) Tree. Of course, it’s just a metaphor. You know, like “hostage takers.” 

But it appears there’s a fresh wave of agnosticism sweeping through liberals in Washington, with apostates popping up everywhere. And now they’re even threatening to kill Big Guy’s historic tax “cut” compromise with the R-words that he crafted, all by himself, with the power vested in him.

But wait!

crowd at the gate Crowds wait in D.C. for the Won to bring the light to the darkness

There’s more!

Harry Reid plans to make revisions to the Won’s deal before presenting it to the Senate. House Democrats are really irked, and refusing to even bring Big Guy’s deal to the floor in its current form.

What’s going on here?

ct4 It looks like a shooting star, burning itself out!

You see, you don’t cut deals on your own in this town. Especially with the enemy. That’s not how things work around here, I don’t care who you are. Maybe if Big Guy had spent a little more time here before being immaculated to the presidency, he would have known that. Butt, he’s finally learning: There’s no “I” in “let’s make a deal.”

ct5That is surprising!

OK, OK.  He got the message. Screw the Republicans. Big Guy’s returning to his roots and has formed a new coalition to deliver what his far left base expects from him. All’s right in the world once more.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

“Let Them Eat Cake”, part 61

The haters are always harping on us about something. What now?

Well it’s the fact that it took workers four and a half days to decorate our tree. Now, I’ll grant you that even in elapsed government time that seems pretty long.

Butt, need I mention that we’re just doing what’s best for America in these recessionary times; and that’s to keep money circulating. There are few left who can afford to spend money this season with reckless abandon, so that’s our job. And we saved or created about 150 jobs in the process. So don’t tell me Keynes is irrelevant.


From arrival to fully decked, in less than 5 days! 

“It took the small army of workers four-and-a-half days to decorate the eighteen-and-a-half feet high Douglas Fir, which will be the centerpiece of the Obama's second Christmas in the White House, ironically coined, "Simple Gifts" by the First Lady.”


Isn’t it a wonder? To celebrate its completion we had lunch:

Michelle Obama lunching at Ris on Tuesday with BET President Debra Lee. Since it was the Foggy Bottom restaurant's first anniversary, they got a piece of chocolate cake from chef-owner Ris Lacoste.

Well, we couldn’t say no. It was birthday cake. And we were working out a deal for our own Sarah Palines-que reality TV show: “Michelle Obama’s Southside Chicago.”  The opportunities for engagement with local wildlife is endless.

michelle_chicago Lady M and Senate nominee Alexi Giannoulias

And speaking of Chicago, did you see where Dr. Jill Biden was kind enough to host a book party for the offspring of  Lady M’s chief of staff and BFF? He wrote a book! What a brilliant young man.

Sher's son, first-time novelist Graham Moore, author of "The Sherlockian" was the recipient of 2 parties in his honor. The best of course, was Dr. Jill’s.

Also looking on: White House Senior Advisor Valerie Jarrett, one of Sher's best friends--the two met while working for Mayor Daley in City Hall--who has known Moore--one of two Sher sons----since he was a kid. The crowd included members of Sher's family: her husband, Cook County Circuit Court Judge Neil Cohen and her father, Dr. Charles Steiner, in from New Jersey.

My take away from that: Susan Sher’s son Graham Moore, Sher’s husband Neil Cohen and her father Dr. Charles Steiner? Just how many times has this woman been married? And while I understand feminists who wish to keep their maiden name, who on earth keeps the name of their first (or second) husband?

You may wonder why Lady M wasn’t at Dr. Jill’s party. After all, Susan is her very important out-going chief of staff.

Well, we had other commitments. Like decorating the Big White Christmas tree, and then there was the birthday party at Ris.

mo_antoinette-1_copy[5] I’ll just have a small piece

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Our Former Rooster Eats Some Crow

Triangulation sure worked a whole lot better for Big Bill than it has for Big Guy. Just more evidence of racism in America.

slip sliding away  If I make myself really small maybe I can slip into another dimension.

The “Big White” Capon has forged a tax cut compromise that seems to have everyone torqued off. Including Big Guy himself. He called the R-words “hostage takers,” the Dems “sanctimonious” and – while he didn’t mention them by name – you could tell he was miffed at his former media cheer leading squad as well.

briefing roomBig White Briefing Room: where the supportive media used to cover Big Guy’s readings.

BO called the presser on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, and used the coincidence to invoke all sorts of imagery reminiscent of fighting against mortal enemies. In addition to his “hostage” comments, Big Guy talked about “bomb throwers” (John Boehner) and referenced “fights” and “fighting” so often it sounded like he might be preparing to declare war on Korea.

It was one of the best snits I’ve ever seen, and believe-you-me, I’ve seen a few these past 2 years. You might think Lady M gave Big Guy some pointers, butt he threw this one all on his own. As the saying goes:

“Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd. Nor hell hath a fury, like a woman scorn'd.”

And don’t get your panties in a bundle, I’m not calling Big Guy a “woman.”  It’s just a metaphor. You know, like “hostage takers.”

Some critics are calling BO’s performance both unprincipled and ungracious, claiming he acted like a petulant brat.


Wow! If that’s all it takes to elicit that kind of criticism, we’re in for a rough two years. In fact, Big Guy was simply engaging his tried and true professorial persona: a measured yet clearly discernable disdain for the morons and ungrateful heathens he has to educate.

Let’s face it: it was a Catch 22 situation: How do you compromise between the Republicans “Holy Grail of tax cuts” and the Democrats Holy Grail of wealth redistribution? It took all of King Solomon's wisdom for Big Guy to decide to cave. And now, all he’s getting for his effort is criticism.

People have no idea how hard it is to triangulate while eating crow.

crow fried Would you like a little malaise on that fried crow?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Don’t Tax, Just Spend. That Should Work.


we came Vidi:

half mast 


kiss off








This is the darndest recovery I’ve ever seen: requiring a major extension of the unemployment program because, well, everyone’s still out of work. The new deal gets us up to about 3 years. That’s 2 years more than Europe! So we’ve got that going for us.

It’s also the darndest bipartisan plan I’ve ever seen. Big Guy announced the extension of the Bush Tax Cuts for the middle class (that we used to pretend didn’t even exist) as well as the extension of tax cuts for America’s “wealthiest families” as if he was making a hostage tape. Even TOTUS couldn’t help him conceal his contempt. I guess he thinks 3 years unemployment is too long too.

And everybody’s mad. So it’s a win-win.

So the unemployed whose benefits are running out won’t have to worry about going into the Winter Holiday season without a job or a check, small business owners (aka America’s “wealthiest families”) can now plan for business expansion and maybe hire some more people from the ranks of the unemployed.

Butt that’s not the best news coming out of this compromise: now Lady M and Big Guy won’t have to postpone our annual Hawaiian Winter Holiday vacation after all.


Mele Kalik-Obama

Monday, December 6, 2010

It’s Winter Holiday, and here are this year’s Sugar Plum Fairies

What better than a weekend filled with parties, dinners, receptions and awards to take your mind off tax “cuts” for the middle class (which we love) and the rich (which we hate), WikiLeaks founder  Julian Assange’s Doomsday f-bomb, North Korea and Iran’s nuclear arms, and a jobless rate that again rose alarmingly and – yes - unexpectedly?

sat dinner

It was just one big party, celebrating this year’s Kennedy Center honorees ( Merle Haggard, Bill Jones, Sir Pall, Jerry Herman and -surprise! -  OPRAH!). First, a State Department (!?) dinner on Saturday hosted by Hillary:

state dept dinner

Then a Big White reception Sunday with a special shout out to the award winners by Big Guy.

the man who taught bo to drum his way down the planesteps

Sir Pall, drumming his way down the Big White  hallway, in his second visit this year.

There’s no truth to the rumor that Sir Pall keeps winning all these awards because he’s the one who taught Big Guy how to play the drums while walking down the stairs.

Big Guy, deplaning before his Sir Pall drumming lessons:


…and after – much more presidential, no?

83526911 nato-obama-plane_1766404i

In his shout out to the winners, TOTUS pulled a little trick on Big Guy and made him stumble over the word "superfluous" while reading about the importance of the humanities. But don’t worry, BO recovered quickly:

"It’s hard to say. You try it when you’ve had 12 stitches," Obama said to laughs.

To paraphrase an old saying: “Hard to say, easy to do.”

After our Big White reception on Sunday, it was on to the main event at the Kennedy Center, where all the honorees were resplendent in their holiday finery.

jerry herman

Composer Jerry Herman, 79, who has not had any plastic surgery according to his publicist



merle haggard

Country singer Merle Haggard. Also has not had any.





bill and bjorn

Dancer/choreographer Bill Jones and partner Bjorn.

Bill is director and choreographer of the musical Fela! which you may recall was Lady M’s favorite Broadway show  this year.

Jones,  a victim for much of his life, was proud to be an America for the first time. He said he could:

"feel the love" and said he was thrilled to be receiving the award while Obama is president. Still, he said he's discouraged by the country's direction. "I am trembling a little bit, actually. The discourse is so poisonous."

Indeed, including his own:-

"We don't want to be marginalized anymore," he said. "Indifference is worse than dislike."


 son james at state department dinner dec4

Sir Pall with his latest squeeze, and accompanied by Barbara Walters and her date, Sir Pall’s son, who seems to resemble an owl as much as his father.

And of course, the first among equals: the Oprah!


Who. in addition to her Kennedy Center honor, was the recipient of the bosom award placement and framing prize that went to Grace Bumbry at last year’s ceremony:


There were too many other stars and celebrities in attendance to even mention. So here are just a couple of note:

carol channing cheryl's boob belt  Carol and Cheryl, taking a night off from saving the earth for Algore’s carbon credits.

jamey johnson kidrock Jamie Johnson and Kid Rock





Gabriel McNair, from left, Tony Kanal, Gwen Stefani, and Jim Guerinot, Gabriel McNair,Tony Kanal, Gwen Stefani and Jim Guerinot

newt and clarisaNewt and Callista: I hope he doesn’t decide to run for president. I just don’t think I could deal with a Stepford wife after this ordeal.

charlie and alma Charlie and Alma. You can’t keep a good man down. But I don’t know what’s up with that taxi cab tie.

Oh, and also in the political division: Nancy Pelosi was in the house.


and in the box with the O’s:

all together now

And finally in the “Shut up and Sing” category:

willie Willie. Love you always.

And don’t worry, you can keep your fat cat tax rates because we know that you, unlike the other fat cats, really need them. In order to pay all those fines.

These award ceremonies seem to get better and better every year. I just love kicking off the season with all the sugar plum fairies. Winter Holiday just wouldn’t be the same without them.

yikes bilde 107343943 oprah and stedman sir paul's son james and baba

Here’s a sneak peak at one of next year’s front runners for snaring the honor:


Sunday, December 5, 2010

How to Ruin an Otherwise Perfectly Good Day

Did you see this!?

Day by Day Cartoon, December 3, 2010 by Chris Muir:

FireShot-_1 FireShot-_1 H/T *J*

WTH is this? Who is this Chris Muir? And who the heck does he/she think he/she is?

Making fun of Lady M’s occasional variation from her normal fashion forward boob belt? And right before the Winter holiday season! Could he/she be any more insensitive? (Or possibly he/she just forgot how much MO enjoys playing Mrs. Santa Claus this time of year?)

BIG RED BELT Receiving the Big White Winter Holiday Tree, December 2009

I still don’t know who this Chris Muir is, but I can assure you that our FCC Czar, Julius Genachowski,  will neutralize him/her as soon as he gets his new rules in place.

Thank goodness. And it can’t happen soon enough. Don’t I have enough to deal with around here?

And regarding that crack about whether Sarah has more than Big Guy? Well, that’s confidential. You won’t know until you read about it on WikiLeaks.

Until she saw this cartoon, we were having a pretty good day, celebrating the passage of Lady M’s No Fat Childs’ Behind bill.  AP reported the good news on our hard fought battle that resulted in a triumph of politics over logic:

More children would eat lunches and dinners at school under legislation passed Thursday by the House and sent to the president, part of first lady Michelle Obama's campaign to end childhood hunger and fight childhood obesity.

Despite the objections of detractors who claim that this bill created a Nanny-state on steroids, and that it took funding away from the food stamp program, our enlightened, and still-in-the-majority Dems in the House, passed it anyway. They realized, like visionary Agriculture Secretary (and school lunch Czar)Tom Vilsack, the much higher purpose of this important bill that will outlaw school bake sales:

"Our national security, economic competitiveness and health and wellness of our children will improve as a result of the action Congress took today,"

So  a big “Thanks” to Lady M! Thanks for ensuring that we will not be attacked by terrorists, lose our lunch to China or wind up with fat rear ends. Not bad for a day’s work.

the classic rearviewSaving little childrens’ fat behinds, one cookie at a time.