If It’s January It Must Be Time To Dog Sarah Palin Again

If it’s January 1st it must be time to do some trolling to see what Sarah Palin has done wrong so far this year. And sure enough - right out of the box she’s been caught red-handed engaging in animal abuse. No, not moose hunting this time; dog cruelty:

Trig Palin stands on family dog to reach the sink

Eric Ericson, editor of Red State and well known animal rights activist, responded:

Ellen gets a pass though because, well, you know…she’s a lesbian.

Seriously, this is probably not a good idea, butt if you’re going to allow it might I suggest a somewhat larger breed, maybe something like a Saint Berdoodle:

That’s right, a Saint Bernard/Poodle mix; they’re similar to their Labradoodle cousins, only BIGGER. They might stand a chance against child abuse.

Butt if you really want to ensure that your dog will be safe from your young children, you could get them a  drivers license - the dogs, not the kids - that way they can make a get-away on their own if necessary.

I say if it’s good enough for our illegal aliens it’s good enough for our doggies. I just better not hear anything about these “undocumented” visitors putting their dogs on top of their cars.

Or worse…

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Don’t You Love It When Life Imitates Art?

Pete Souza, Director and Chief Official White House Photographer, has released his 2014 version of “The Year In Pictures.” Would you like to play a game? Identify the book/movie that served as the inspiration for each of the photographs in his album. Extra credit if you can also provide actual quotes from the book/movie. Here are a few I recognized immediately, butt there are tons more to play with, so have a go at it.

Girl With a Pearl Earring:

 “I hear you have been of great use to your master. All that grinding and stirring, eh?” - Van Ruijven

Sunset Boulevard:

“You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!... All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.” - Norma Desmond

The Wizard of Oz:

“Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't you think?”  - Scarecrow

The Great Gatsby: - several photos from 2014 have been drawn from this book

"I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library." – The Great Gatsby

"I married him because I thought he was a gentleman...I thought he knew something about breeding, but he wasn't fit to lick my shoe." - The Great Gatsby

“Occasionally a line of gray cars crawls along an invisible track, gives out a ghastly creak, and comes to rest, and immediately the ash-gray men swarm up with leaden spades and stir up an impenetrable cloud, which screens their obscure operations from your sight." - The Great Gatsby

And then, of course, there is this illusion to Jay Gatsby, standing at the end of his dock, peering longingly at the green light across the bay:

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—”  The Great Gatsby

Allow me to complete the above quote, which ends Fitzgerald’s novel and summarizes its entire point:

“ - tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…And then one fine morning — So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

Hold that thought: hopefully 2015 will be the year we too move against the current and prepare to be “borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

"This is the issue of this election: Whether we believe in our capacity for self-government or whether we abandon the American revolution and confess that a little intellectual elite in a far-distant capitol can plan our lives for us better than we can plan them ourselves." Ronald Reagan

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Happy New Year 2015

Happy New Year!

I’m taking today off to regroup for the coming year, so I’ll see you all tomorrow.

However I would  like to pass along this encouraging observation, as we all need reason to HOPE for CHANGE. Having been unable to tune into Fox News (thank you Dish, I’ll remember this when I consider renewal) I’ve been forced to get my morning news and weather from one of the local alphabet networks and I’ve noticed a very welcomed trend among their news babes: hosiery!  That’s right, actual stockings – black, nude, patterned! I sure hope this trend has legs!

So please, if any of you still have access to the Fox News Kittens, pass this breaking fashion news along. I’m tired of looking at greasy gams and knobby knees, and would welcome a New Look with the New Year. If you do that, I promise to do what I can to help end this national nightmare.

Let’s make 2015 the year HOPE makes a comeback, IYKWIMAITYD.

The votes are in, it’s official: the butts have it.

Talk about being way ahead of the curve: 2014 has officially been named “The Year of the Butt.”

Way, waaaay ahead of the curve

And suddenly everybody is covering this phenom: there’s the PG-rated Yahoo version:

From Instagram sensation Jen Selter and her “belfies” (butt + selfie), to Kim Kardashian’s bare-it-all photoshoot in Paper magazine, it’s clear backsides are taking a front seat. Not to mention Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s “Booty,” Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” and Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” bringing up the rear.

And the R-rated Vogue report:

Recently, Nicki Minaj remixed the original butt song by Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Back,” into “Anaconda,” driving the point home with extreme twerking, blatant close-up shots of her booty, and cut-to-the-chase lyrics: “F*** those skinny b*tches in the club/I wanna see all the big fat a** b*tches in the mother****ing club.”

Butt it is the XX-rated Daily Beast coverage that really piled on. They expanded the glorification of skanky female butts to include the  salacious male butt as well (although apparently the real credit for that goes to an ABC TV show called How to Get Away With Murder):

More than 20 million people tuned in to a broadcast network drama and saw two gay men have explicit sex. That’s a watershed moment.

“Watershed moment?” Well I suppose that’s one thing you might call it. Decent people would call it cultural rot. And yes, I blame Obama.

Because real presidents don’t slide their butts down the counter at the local Shake Shack, I don’t care who you are. I’m not saying that it’s an impeachable offense, butt it certainly is offensive. That sort of exploit is reserved exclusively for self promoting performance artists…oh wait…

Anyway, back to my point: 2014 was a bumper year for the big butts. Don’t worry if you don’t have one yourself, as with all things of fashion, they will eventually ebb in size and stature. After all, it’s not like this is the first time that someone decided to exploit an ass for personal gain and profit.

Nor will it be the last. Butt in due course all the irrational exuberance surrounding the pulchritude of the big butt will wane and the world will revert to a saner time when people once again acknowledge the butt’s real purpose in life.

Until then, try not to be jealous:

And try to endure all the twerking with a sense of humor. Remember, the twerking crowd consists of people, with nothing else to recommend themselves, flaunting their assets - so to speak.

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE!!!

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

The Audacity of Kwanzaa

No word yet on how the Wons will be celebrating Kwanzaa this year. Unfortunately they were unable to make it to the big Kwanzaa parade in Los Angeles. BO was too busy playing golf with the boys – oblivious of the wedding plans that were squashed in order to accommodate his tee time - and MO was too busy having her nails done or something.

However I did snag this gif of Lady M practicing her Kwanzaa Karols:

Anyway, it doesn’t sound like the Wons missed anything, fake news reports to the contrary: In LA, CBS Station Pretends There Was a Real Kwanzaa Parade Yesterday

Lack of interest didn’t stop a good opportunity to hype a fake holiday however:

CBS Los Angeles - Organizers named the theme of this year’s parade “Perfect YOUR Temple,” or body. They said it was “a call to arms in our constant and ongoing efforts to `perfect’ our lives.”

 

What pray tell do you do when your temple’s already perfect?

The gwaride began at the corner of Crenshaw and Adams boulevards, headed south along Crenshaw to Leimert Park, where organizers held a “Black Lives Matter” rally.

 

All lives matter, it’s just that some matter more than others

Some participants walked the parade carrying signs underlining important issues to the community, such as police brutality, home foreclosures, judicial corruption, transparency in government and environmental racism.

Because nothing says “holiday” like community organizing for social justice. And “shopping.”

Poster boy for the “Pants Up Don’t Loot” backlash

During Kwanzaa, a candelabrum called a “kinara” is lit and ears of corn representing each child in the family are placed on a traditional straw mat.

Is it racist of me to think this vignette looks…racist?

African foods such as millet, spiced pepper balls and rice are often served. Some people fast during the holiday, and a feast is often held on the final night.

Okay, 1) uh, NO to the millet, spiced pepper balls and rice. 2) Fast? On vacation? That’s a joke, right? 3) Every night is a feast around here.

Kwanzaa was created in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, now chair of Africana Studies at Cal State Long Beach, in what he called “an audacious act of self-determination.”

Well, we do know a thing or two about “audacity.”

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

Still Peevish After All These Years

S. Jay Olshansky, a public health professor at the University of Illinois, set out to prove that Big Guy isn’t aging any faster than the rest of us. And amazingly - as all well-constructed studies can - he proved it!

An Illinois professor set out to disprove the age old presumption that the relentless stress of America's top job makes our Commander-in-Chiefs age in fast-forward.

The conclusion: President Obama, like most presidents, is aging no differently from the rest of us.

Peevish Then, Peevish Now

What makes Olshansky an expert on aging? Well he’s a professor - of public health – so therefore he’s an expert on everything. Or at least everything that has anything to do with your health and welfare as determined by ObamaCare.

Anyway, I have no reason to dispute his analysis: most of the rest of us have aged about 25 years since Big Guy took office too. So I guess his hypothesis is about right.

Meanwhile, what about Putin: the man who was, then wasn’t, then was again President of Russia? He’s been in office now for 14 years. In fact when he first became President, Bubba was still in office! Oddly enough, he doesn’t seem to have aged a day – who’s the Big Dawg now!

Who’s your daddy?

Anyway, as BO ages at the same rate as the rest of us, our MO seems to have discovered the fountain of youth: just keep those old hostilities alive! And festering. That way no matter what they say about you, you can just throw it right back in their faces. That’s the price they pay for succumbing to the racist stereotype of the “angry black woman.”

Nothing seems to keep you young and relevant like racism

Oh, and by the way, don’t write Big Guy off just yet: he’s still got that pen, and he knows how to use it.

 Presidential Assault Weapon

"I haven't used the veto pen very often since I've been in office," Obama said in an NPR interview airing Monday. "Now, I suspect, there are going to be some times where I've got to pull that pen out."

Or, as they say around Washington, when you’re done, just stick a pen in it. Or is that a fork?

In any event, I think it’s done.

“Now can I just eat my waffle?”

NOTE: I WOULD LIKE TO HUMBLY ACCEPT AND THANK DOUG ROSS FOR MY 2014 FABULOUS 50 BLOG AWARD IN THE SPECIAL CATEGORY, “THE BEST FIRST LADY BLOG. Relentlessly entertaining coverage of First Family hypocrisy”

THANKS DOUG! I AM PROUD TO BE A RECIPIENT OF THIS PRESTIGIOUS AWARD FOR SIX YEARS IN A ROW! AND CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE OTHER WINNERS AS WELL, EXCELLENT BLOGGERS ALL.

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network

On Crime, Cops, and Guns

Good on you Detroit!

Detroit — As 2014 enters its final week, the city is on pace to record its fewest homicides since 1967.

The fewest homicides recorded since 1967 – the year of the infamous Detroit riots that began the long slow decline of a great American city. That is a major accomplishment. Only 298 this year, as opposed to the 281 recorded in 1967. This isn’t as impressive when compared on a per capita basis, as there are about a million (literally) fewer people living in Detroit now than there were in ‘67, butt still - not bad for city whose obituary has not only been written butt published.

And it’s not just murders that are down:

Most other violent crimes, including carjackings and robberies were also on pace to drop in 2014, although justifiable homicides are up, from 16 year-to-date in 2013 to 22.

What can we thank for this completely unexpected decline? Community organizers coming to town to advise the city that water is a human right? Yeah, probably not.

Maybe part of the credit should go to Detroit’s new top cop, Police Chief, James Craig:

"People feel the need to protect themselves," Craig said. "Maybe that's helping drive down robberies: Maybe the criminals are afraid they'll be confronted by someone who has a gun."

 

“There’s a number of CPL (concealed pistol license) holders running around the city of Detroit. I think it acts as a deterrent. Good Americans with CPLs translates into crime reduction. I learned that real quick in the state of Maine.” (Police Chief James Craig on WJR 760 AM)

Oh sure, the number of “justifiable homicides” in the city went up considerably (2200% above the national average) as citizens protect themselves butt I don’t think anyone can say that Detroit isn’t onto something here.

So while some across the nation still vilify the men and women who comprise our police forces that maintain a boundary between chaos and order,

in Detroit they would like to have a few more cops, as the lingering effects of bankruptcy has left them without funds to adequately police the streets anymore. Because in Detroit when you call 911 for help more likely than not you’ll have to get in queue.

So follow the advice of your Police Chief and arm up Detroit, because your thin blue line is thinner than ever:

and they can use your help.

Remember, when your life’s on the line, a speeding bullet is faster than 911

IN MEMORY OF OUR FALLEN PEACEKEEPERS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. – Matthew 5:9

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Cross-Posted on RedState and Patriot Action Network