Saturday, December 28, 2013

Saturday Sweaterday: Celebrating Lady M’s Half-Century Mark In Style

When I saw my email with the subject line “Save the date for the Fabulous Fifty party” I naturally thought we were throwing a party for all the people who have successfully signed up for Obamacare on the exchanges. How silly of me: we haven’t hit 50 yet.

Of course, the “save the date” memo was about Lady M’s upcoming half-century celebration. I realized that as soon as I got to the part advising me to “wear comfortable shoes, eat before you come and practice your dance moves.” Although, frankly, I think there’s a racist joke embedded in there somewhere (h/t Earl Butz). I should probably mention that to our gay social secretary before this gets way out of hand.

jeremy%20bernard%20obamaJeremy Bernard (right) and then-partner Rufus Gifford (left), with Big Guy. No comment on the reason for the breakup.

Because we certainly don’t want another one of those Duck Dynasty type controversies swirling around here to ruin the birthday party of the decade.

Anyway, I’ve been shopping for the perfect gift for Lady M’s big day. I’ve pretty much settled on a sweater because everybody knows Lady M’s signature mini-me sweater look played no small part in her becoming the greatest Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™  of all time (h/t: Cripes Suzette). Butt like the shark that must keep swimming or die, even the greatest Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™  of all time must keep moving Forward! lest she be relegated to the “Racks of Wal-Mart” category. So this year, I’m mooving Lady M in a new direction, sweater wise, and could use some help choosing the perfect sweater to mark the half-century birthday. Wow! When you say it that way it sounds really...never mind.

Please feel free to weigh in on which one you like best, butt realize my final selection is dependent on the size of the loan my credit union will approve.

First, there’s this “wool-polyamide-elastane blend scalloped sweater by Valentino...currently selling on Moda Operandi for the cool price of $1,690.”


Although we’ve got the light and dark shades in the correct general areas to, uh, enhance our positives and minimize our negatives, I suspect the problems here are obvious. We have already stretched the containment structural limits of titanium beyond the expected failure point. There’s nowhere to go until the Department of Defense discovers a new, stronger element.

Next up, a shimmering “pure Viscose metallic sweater by Balmain can now be found on Farfetch for $1,775.”


It has Lady M written all over it. My only concern is that it may be a little too derivative of MO’s other glittery metallica frocks.

Screenshot Studio capture #1579

Then there’s this, from one of MO’s absolutely favorite designers: “Flower girl: Floral fare like Jason Wu's $1,995 embellished sweater...”


Although I’m worried about this one being a little too “anatomical” if you know what I mean…

I really like this “Simple pleasures: Pared-down looks like Bottega Veneta's $2,200 cotton cardigan”


…as well as this “Donna Karan $1,995 blend that is expensive despite its simplicity”


Butt I’m just afraid they may both be a little too “Jackie.” You know...WASP-y?

So far I must say this one is the frontrunner, based on price alone: “Reigning supreme: The Row's cable knit design, which took 90 hours to produce, is likely the season's most expensive sweater at $4,490.”


I know: I can’t quite picture Lady M in it either. Butt at 4500 Washingtons I’m thinking maybe she’d be willing to give it a go.

Let me know what you think. If you’re not fond of any of them, or my loan doesn’t come through, I guess I could always go with my fall back bottle of Crystal Champagne, which she always seems to enjoy:

michelle-obama-latin-america-400x295“Bottoms up!”

Linked By: Rick Hamilton, Scott Wayt, Mary Nixon, Abby L Call on facebook, and @ValCSilver, @tari1231 on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Friday, December 27, 2013

If You Duck This Holiday Season, Please Duck Responsibility.

Let me be clear: that is not a string of Christmas lights bedecking Lady M’s forehead:

Michelle Obama President Obama Arrives Holiday O0k7xNricNVl

Nor is it a portable landing strip for either Santa or Marine Won:

Screenshot Studio capture #1573

They’re Kwanzaa lights, and apparently they’re quite fashionable.


And don’t act like you’ve never seen them before, because MO rocked them last year too.

mo bo craig white house 2012[3]BO, First Bro-in-law, Craig, and MO; Big White, 2012

As I went to great lengths to point out at the time (in Headband Heroines) the look was MO’s nod to another ‘schtrong’ woman-of-Washington who also had to occasionally stand by her selfie-involved man:

hill the headband years

Hill, in turn, was casting herself in the Eva Peron role: the heroic spouse who succeeded her recently departed husband as president of the bereaved country:

Screenshot Studio capture #1576

And I speculated at the time that perhaps Lady M was likewise preparing herself for that roll:

Screenshot Studio capture #1575(Sorry; I know I promised to stay away from the pit shots for awhile, butt I thought you might be interested in its provenance)

While Eva (affectionately known as Evita by her subjects) was not known for rocking headbands per se, she was a huge fan of hats:

evitaperonmundoperonistanum62…with black Kwanzaa lights

Hills just updated the concept with headbands, and Lady M, with sparkly doo rags.

Anyway, back to Lady M’s newest look, trust me: it could have been worse. The sparklies come in everything from butterflies to stars, so the landing strip motif was really not that bad.

Screenshot Studio capture #1577

And since I think that The Other McCain already let the duck out of the bag:

AandE ducks

I might as well go ahead and tell you we’re looking to expand our cache to encompass the Duck Dynasty franchise. And since everyone knows how notoriously lowbrow that crowd is, we’re keeping the new doo rags  low key too.

The article about the new show quoted Big Guy from his infamous presser last week, in which he kind-of-sort-of-did-and-didn’t-take-responsibility for the Obamacare fiasco:

On Obamacare, the president allowed he’d made mistakes when it came to the health care rollout. “Even though I was meeting every other week, every three weeks with folks and emphasizing how important it was that consumers have a good experience … the fact is it didn’t happen in the first month, first six weeks in a way that was at all acceptable, and since I’m in charge, obviously we screwed it up.”

Because, like, when you meet “every other week, every three weeks” you, like, just expect your little people to take care of “stuff” for you. And they didn’t. That’s why the not so royal in this case “we” “screwed up.” Smitty explained:

“You’ve got to respect a leader that’s singular in his understanding of who’s in charge, and somehow, ambiguously, vaguely plural in his grasp of who tubed it.”

I, for one, think “Duck Responsibility” will be a big, big hit. And it’s not like there haven’t been duck hunters in the White House before:

clintons duck dynastyYes, that’s a Duck Commander duck call hanging from his neck. They don’t call him “Bubba” for nothing.

In fact Big Guy’s a big fan of the ducks! Why, even his own dearly departed (RIP Stanley Ann) mother was a duck lover:

mom stanley ann dunham's duck

So it just feels right that the next “Dynasty” show take place right here – beards and all.

Duck_Dynasty_Obama_Quack_DynastySure to be a hit: staring Barry and his beard. h/t Peoples Cube

And if I do say so myself, I think I can so totally rock this look!

MOTUS Duck Dynasty camo copy


Everybody’s Happy, Happy, Happy!

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Thursday, December 26, 2013

Obamacare: Fairness in the Shadow of Perpetual Adolescence

Well, did you have “the talk” with any of your “young invincible” pajama-wearing, perpetually adolescent relatives this Christmas - as directed by Big Guy?

pajama boy-man-child

MOTUS did, as her family has over two dozen 20-30 somethings. This is what I learned.

As with youngsters of all eras, their ideology does not hold up well under the crushing realities of day-to-day life and economics. Those who have graduated from college in the 5 years subsequent to the coronation of America’s first Black President don’t give a rat’s ass what color he is anymore. Been there, done that; what has he done for me lately? 

bo military christmasWhere khakis, bring notes, talk about Obama.

For the batch of  “young invincibles” who haven’t yet found a job earning what they think they’re worth, with benefits they find acceptable, Big Guy is now indistinguishable from any other politician such as, say, George W. Bush – who they know they hate, butt have forgotten why.


While most do not follow politics beyond what’s covered on the Daily Show, they are all familiar with Obamacare, because it effects them personally. (note to self: good marketing technique for the yutes of America - make it all about them)

One nephew was happy because he’s still eligible for coverage under Mom and Dad’s policy for another 2 years.


And no more sub-par health insurance for him! (Don’t forget to thank Mom and Dad! Their premiums will be going up astronomically to ensure that your coverage now includes all Obamacare mandated items such as free condoms and other related womym’s “healthcare” – like  “day after” pills that the mean old Republicans wanted to deny you for free.)

Another nephew, who is working a part time job because that’s all he could find with his language arts degree, was delighted to discover that after his cheapy, catastrophic only BC/BS policy was cancelled that he could get better coverage (free condoms!) at a lower cost because he was eligible for a subsidy! (You’re welcome, nephew. Please remember my contribution to your well being when I’m old and eligible only for the pain pill.) He also informed me that lots of his friends have heard that they are going to be eligible for Medicaid (great) butt haven’t bothered to sign up yet because “it’s too big a hassle.”

Obamacare-broDude, we’ve got better things to do.

One of the nieces concurs, she cannot be bothered to try to get enrolled in Obamacare either, even though she has no coverage. She’s already had a rough year, really doesn’t need any more hassle right now and doubts that she needs healthcare coverage now anyway. Plus, she refuses to let it ruin her life by worrying about it. That’s somebody else’s job. Besides, she’s still got the basic 30-something’s fall back healthcare system: Mom and Dad.

imagesCAKOE7QWself-reliance: it ain’t what it used to be

For the few of the bunch who have found decent employment in their field (the ones who chose to major in a marketable discipline) the reality of contributing a rather substantial portion of their paycheck for the welfare of their (previous) peers who were neither as wise nor as motivated while in college is beginning to rankle. So maybe there’s reason for optimism. It turns out the kids, once they figure it out, don’t like getting screwed by the government any better than the oldsters. As evidence of this hypothesis, I submit this  pretty much verbatim dialogue with one of my niece-mirrors yesterday:

MOTUS: So how’s your new job as athletic trainer going, Meghan?

MEGHAN: Fine, I like it, and the coaches, a lot. And I love my apartment…and most of my roommates.

MOTUS: Oh, how many roommates do you have?

MEGHAN: Three, that’s what we needed to rent a decent place. And three of us are good, but everyone’s a little ticked off at Erin right now.

MOTUS: What’s the problem?

MEGHAN: Well, she just signed up for food stamps, and we’re all like WHAT!?  She’s got a crappy part time job, butt we’re like “why don’t you just get another part-time job?” and she’s like, ‘I need some me time.’ Some ME TIME!?! The rest of us are humping our asses and she just goes in and gets free food stamps! We just couldn’t believe it.

MOTUS: Just curious, what did she major in? (again, on my honor, I’m not making this up. You can’t)

MEGHAN: Womyns Studies, like anybody thought she’d get a job with that. Anyway, she was so proud of getting the food stamps and can’t understand why we’re all upset. Butt that’s not the worst part, Aunt MOTUS.

MOTUS: What’s the worst part?

MEGHAN: She wanted us to pay HER for the food she bought with the food stamps! We told her, “we already have Erin.”

I immediately commended her mother for raising such a well-grounded young woman. And you see, maybe there is real hope for the future. It’s like that movie: Reality Bites. And real reality bites even harder. If only we could get our economy rolling again so that all the young, brainwashed masses can get a real job in the real world; perhaps then they will finally understand that there are two sides to the “make it fair” equation.


Or at least we, like Einstein, can dream.


article-0-1A4A325500000578-823_634x483I know: “I’m sorry” is inadequate. I’m really, really sorry. (h/t Blonde Gator)

Linked By: Abby L Call, Mireille Buser, Rich Pletcher, Kimberly C. Conner on facebook, and @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

A Stille Nacht : A Blessed Christmas

For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. - John 3:16

Photo Mosaic by Flatsimile Studios
Fallen Heroes photos via Washington Post
Please click and  zoom to remember those who have sacrificed everything to ensure we remain free to celebrate the Christ in Christmas.

Merry Christmas from MOTUS, Raj and Little Mo to all of our friends and family here!


Linked By: Abby L Call, Betsy Bitter, Missy Kendrick, Maggi Haglund on facebook, and @Standlow, @BlueMusky on twitter, Thanks!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Mele Kalik-Obama #5

Each year I reprise this Christmas Eve post, originally posted in 2009, to commemorate our first, historic, Presidential vacation on the alleged island of Barry’s birth. To this day however, nobody really knows exactly where our new messiah was born.

Each year I like to update it to capture a bit of the nation’s current Zeitgeist, in order to provide a more accurate record of the First Historic Imperial American Presidency for future generations. And don’t worry if you haven’t had time to get all your shopping done and your cookies baked: Big Guy is granting a special, one-time-only, one day extension of the Christmas Eve deadline this year!

  So please enjoy this year’s edition, and as we say in Hawaii: Mele Kalikimaka!

Christmas Eve, 2013

If you didn’t receive this year’s official Big White Winter Holiday card yet, it’s probably because we had to cut back on our mailing list this year: part of the lingering effects of the heartless Republican sequester cuts. Butt don’t feel bad, as most people agree that this year’s was not really one of our better efforts.


I have to say, aside from the pop-up architecture, it doesn’t look like anyone put much thought into this card. “Gather around?” The “season?” What does that even mean? The only thing we gather around regularly is the table and we do that in every season. And, “may the warmth and joy of the holidays fill your home?” Your home, maybe; butt not ours, as we’re vacating it for 17 days.

Given all the negative reviews coming in about the “gatherings” card, our handlers decided on a style work around after we arrived in Hawaii. So I’ve been authorized to offer - for a limited only - all my MOLs, MODs and FOM’s a copy of our second edition 2013 commemorative Winter Holiday card from the WONs:


won's winter holiday card2 copyAs the old Hawaiian saying goes, sometimes you should quit before you get any further behind. 

Or, alternatively, you can have this Christmas card from that red-neck, bible thumper guy, and his family.


When placing your order, simply indicate card “A” - the cheerless, mirthless, joyless family or “B” - the Happy, Happy, Happy one. I’ll take care of the rest.


And now, here’s the original Mele Kalikemaka Christmas Eve post, from way back in 2009. (hard to believe, I know!) complete with my special “Christmas Eve Dream” video. Enjoy.

Santa and his elves are hanging around D.C. just long enough this morning to vote on how much they’re going to charge for shipping and handling on this year’s free gifts.

Then we can all fly away for our Winter Solstice holidays! I can’t wait – I’ve never been to Big Guy’s alleged birth state. I have to remember to pack my UVA and UVB lenses.

I dreamed about our vacation all last night

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Clarice Feldman and Ken Butt, Steve Martin, Abby L Call, Austin Williams, Anna Salerno on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Monday, December 23, 2013

It’s A WONderful Life: The Coloring Book...and The Movie???

If you’re done wrapping presents and baking cookies, and find yourself looking to kill some time -  and who isn’t this time of year -

santa's flat reindeer

here’s a fun way to make your own Christmas gifts: at the Crayola Story Studio you can create your own coloring books! Blonde Gator told me about it and it’s proved to be a real life saver for me.

As you know, we left for our Winter Holiday vacay on the alleged isle of our birth much earlier than usual, and I didn’t get my shopping done. I was certain that Big Guy would stay in D.C. to make sure was working before we left, butt I guess I mis-misunderstood his priorities. And now that we’re here, I find out that Lady M borrowed my debit card to do some on-line shopping at Target for Big White staff gifts before we left, and now my bank has put a hold on it.

So the Crayola Story Studio was just what I needed! I’m making Big Guy and Lady M a special coloring book called It’s A WONderful Life, highlighting and commemorating the important, historic events during their reign. I’m HOPEing that Harvey Weinstein will buy my book, make it into a movie and enter it in the 2016 Sundance Film Festival. Because seriously, it's got WINNING! written all over it - in fact, that’s it’s alternate title.

You can make your own coloring book story about the reign of the WONs too; or you can just download and color the one I made. If you make your own, please remember to share it with us. Maybe I’ll add it to my story book and you can cash in on the movie residuals!

Here are a few  pages from my historic coloring book, It’s A WONderful Life:

Since I’m looking to attract Hollywood’s attention, my first page commemorates Lady M’s Nickelodeon space-age glittery “Metallica” frock:



nickelodeon-2 copy

Next, Lady M steals the Academy Awards via satellite in another metallic space frock. Here she is handing out the “Best Movie of the Year” award:


As you can see in my coloring book adaptation, we implemented a few special effects for this appearance.

oscars copy

And here’s a page commemorating Big Guy’s first, historic, campaign platform from his first, historic campaign for Prezzy:



2 copy

Next, my page commemorating Big Guy’s first, historic Nobel Prize:



nobel copy

And finally, what story of the historic events of the Won’s Regime would be complete without a salute to Obamacare:



obamacare copy

Well, I’ve gotta’ run out and buy Lady M a box of crayons. I think I’ll go totus porkus (whole hog) and get her the 152 count Ultimate Tub featuring 120 "regular" colors, 16 "Scintilliants" and 16 "metallic" crayons.


She’s gonna’ need the Scintilliants and metallics for most of my featured frocks! And I’m pleased to report that the Ultimate Collection now includes (by law) the new “Multicultural Flesh Tones” set:

multi flesh

If I have any money left over I’m going to get her the glitter and molten metal collections as well; they just scream “Lady M,” Right?

Screenshot Studio capture #1607

So, I’m waving my copyright on “It’s a WONderful Life: the Coloring Book” just for the next few days, so for a limited time you can download the pages from my coloring book for free and color these pages, or let the kids/grandkids color them while you’re making those cute little Penguin Ho Hos.

Just remember a few basic coloring rules: if you are a conservative or a Republican, make sure you stay inside the lines. If you are a liberal, make sure you use every color at least once; if you’re a Democrat be sure to share your crayons with others who don’t have as many as you do, and if you are a Moderate, well, don’t bother coloring it all; just sit back and critique the work submitted by everyone else.

mitt bo pres“I’m sitting this one out, because Obama’s too liberal and Romney’s not Conservative enough. And besides, what difference, at this point, does it make?”

Linked By: Susana Patrick, Abby L Call on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Sunday, December 22, 2013

A Duck the Halls Sing-along and Annual Christmas Recipe Exchange Day

The day we’ve all been waiting for: Christmas Recipe Exchange!

Today’s the day to post recipes and/or pictures of your favorite holiday dishes and/or your cutest Christmas sweets and treats.

These little guys were a perennial favorite, prior to the demise of the iconic Hostess Company in post-Obama America. Butt good news! Since their major component has now been rebooted and retooled by new owners, it is once again available for construction purposes. So I’m  re-posting these adorable little guys, the Christmas Ho Ho Penguins:

Chrismtas edible crafts, kids crafts, holiday chocolate treats, penguin snack cakes, Ho Ho penguins, Swiss Roll penguins

Yes! That’s right; not only are the Hostess Ho Hos back, butt they’re gayer than ever! Which makes them more festive, right?

Screenshot Studio capture #1598

And since their half-life, along with Twinkies, has been expanded up too 6 decades, these little treats can become family heirlooms. Anyhoo, to assemble these babies you just need a box of Ho Hos and a few other indestructible construction materials:

how to make a penguin using a Swiss Roll snack cake, Hostess Ho Ho penguins, edible crafts, holiday crafts for kids, Christmas craft ideas copy  Hungry Happenings provides more detailed techniques, if required, butt suffice it to say the Tootsie Rolls need a bit of warming in the microwave.

And while not technically a Christmas treat, these cute little sheeple may serve as stand-ins for sheep in your crèche if the rest of your flock has mysteriously disappeared, as they often do when the shepherds lose track of their flock .

cute white sheep

Please note that these sheeple come in politically correct black and white versions,


as well as everything in between:

sheeple cupcakes

So let’s get cooking MOLs, MODs, and FOM! Christmas is right around the corner. And don’t worry if you don’t have time today, in all likelihood, we’ll be continuing this wonderful holiday tradition tomorrow as MOTUS may well be busy wrapping up shopping and her presents.

396-114-ducks-smallAn old fashioned “Duck the Halls” sing-along: Quack.


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