Saturday, December 28, 2013

Saturday Sweaterday: Celebrating Lady M’s Half-Century Mark In Style

When I saw my email with the subject line “Save the date for the Fabulous Fifty party” I naturally thought we were throwing a party for all the people who have successfully signed up for Obamacare on the exchanges. How silly of me: we haven’t hit 50 yet.

Of course, the “save the date” memo was about Lady M’s upcoming half-century celebration. I realized that as soon as I got to the part advising me to “wear comfortable shoes, eat before you come and practice your dance moves.” Although, frankly, I think there’s a racist joke embedded in there somewhere (h/t Earl Butz). I should probably mention that to our gay social secretary before this gets way out of hand.

jeremy%20bernard%20obamaJeremy Bernard (right) and then-partner Rufus Gifford (left), with Big Guy. No comment on the reason for the breakup.

Because we certainly don’t want another one of those Duck Dynasty type controversies swirling around here to ruin the birthday party of the decade.

Anyway, I’ve been shopping for the perfect gift for Lady M’s big day. I’ve pretty much settled on a sweater because everybody knows Lady M’s signature mini-me sweater look played no small part in her becoming the greatest Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™  of all time (h/t: Cripes Suzette). Butt like the shark that must keep swimming or die, even the greatest Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™  of all time must keep moving Forward! lest she be relegated to the “Racks of Wal-Mart” category. So this year, I’m mooving Lady M in a new direction, sweater wise, and could use some help choosing the perfect sweater to mark the half-century birthday. Wow! When you say it that way it sounds really...never mind.

Please feel free to weigh in on which one you like best, butt realize my final selection is dependent on the size of the loan my credit union will approve.

First, there’s this “wool-polyamide-elastane blend scalloped sweater by Valentino...currently selling on Moda Operandi for the cool price of $1,690.”


Although we’ve got the light and dark shades in the correct general areas to, uh, enhance our positives and minimize our negatives, I suspect the problems here are obvious. We have already stretched the containment structural limits of titanium beyond the expected failure point. There’s nowhere to go until the Department of Defense discovers a new, stronger element.

Next up, a shimmering “pure Viscose metallic sweater by Balmain can now be found on Farfetch for $1,775.”


It has Lady M written all over it. My only concern is that it may be a little too derivative of MO’s other glittery metallica frocks.

Screenshot Studio capture #1579

Then there’s this, from one of MO’s absolutely favorite designers: “Flower girl: Floral fare like Jason Wu's $1,995 embellished sweater...”


Although I’m worried about this one being a little too “anatomical” if you know what I mean…

I really like this “Simple pleasures: Pared-down looks like Bottega Veneta's $2,200 cotton cardigan”


…as well as this “Donna Karan $1,995 blend that is expensive despite its simplicity”


Butt I’m just afraid they may both be a little too “Jackie.” You know...WASP-y?

So far I must say this one is the frontrunner, based on price alone: “Reigning supreme: The Row's cable knit design, which took 90 hours to produce, is likely the season's most expensive sweater at $4,490.”


I know: I can’t quite picture Lady M in it either. Butt at 4500 Washingtons I’m thinking maybe she’d be willing to give it a go.

Let me know what you think. If you’re not fond of any of them, or my loan doesn’t come through, I guess I could always go with my fall back bottle of Crystal Champagne, which she always seems to enjoy:

michelle-obama-latin-america-400x295“Bottoms up!”

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network