Saturday, June 22, 2013

Africa Vacation Security: $100 Million. Photo-Ops: Priceless!

Despite a bit of bad press regarding the cost of our African Safari diplomatic mission -

The excursion reportedly will involve military cargo planes airlifting 56 support vehicles, including 14 limousines, and three trucks to carry bulletproof glass panels to cover the windows where the president and his family will stay.

we’re at home, resting up and packing for our sojourn next week to Senegal, South Africa and Tanzania . Where we will not, repeat, not be going on safari – thanks to a bunch of snoopy old Tea Party whistleblowers. It’s okay with me though; I always get nervous out on the open savannah where wild animals operate by the law of the jungle


and everybody’s shooting guns. That sort of thing should be confined to urban environments like Chicago.


Besides, just like Fast & Furious, IRS scandals, NSA snooping, wiretapping reporters and sequester cuts, we here in the Big White have no control over these matters:

The price tag, Mr. Rhodes added, is outside of the White House’s control.

“Security requirements, which make up the bulk of the costs, are determined by the Secret Service,” he said.

And the ss doesn’t work for Big Guy...not directly.

One of the extra non-security costs we’ll be incurring is an extra Louis Vuitton trunk for all the additional wardrobe changes required on this trip. For instance, I see we’ll be meeting with Marème Faye Sall, First Lady of Senegal.

During this trip, the First Lady will meet directly with youth and highlight the power and importance of education," the White House reveals.

On June 27th in Dakar, the First Lady will meet with Madame Marème Sall, First Lady of Senegal. Mrs. Obama and Madame Sall will then visit the Martin Luther King Middle School, an all-girls school in Senegal. In the afternoon, the President and First Lady will visit Gorée Island and in the evening, the First Lady will join President Obama for a dinner hosted by President Sall.

I’m relieved to see we won’t have to worry too much about competing with the FLOS on the the “svelte body and toned arms” front, butt as you can see, Marème is quite the fashionista:

marienme faye sall2

This is going to require a reprise of the Red Queen head-of-state dinner dress by Alexander the McQueen:

off-with-their-heads red queen-71861

Whoops, wrong red queen, here it is:

article-1348813-0CD55C90000005DC-837_634x618Yes, I think this will compete work quite well.

As always, other sideshows threaten to derail our second fun summer vacay:

Calls for Mr. Obama’s arrest from the Muslim Lawyers Association in Johannesburg, South Africa, which objects to the administration’s drone program.

What’s their problem? If we have no problem with drones in America why should Muslims in South Africa object?

And speaking of South Africa, it looks like Big Guy and Lady M aren’t going to get that power couple photo op meeting with Nelson Mandela after all. It seems he’s in pretty bad shape, ever since the ambulance transporting him to a hospital broke down and was stranded on the side of the road for 40 minutes in freezing South African winter temperatures. Just as well – that we aren’t doing the  photo-op I mean, not that Nelson is so ill – I’m not insensitive like some people I know around here. Butt I just know the Tea Party would use it and the broken down ambulance story as a metaphor for Obamacare. You know how they like to twist things around.

Youth-healthcare-costsMy Obama “Affordable Care” is going to cost HOW much!!?? I thought it was free.

Nelson’s failing health is not really a problem – for us I mean. Of course it remains a problem for him and his family, and we extend our deepest concern. Butt we do have the photo-op with Nelson from Lady M and the Wee Wons’ 2011 safari trip. And since MO’s the only one of the Wons eligible (so far) to run for president in 2016, we’re all set.

mandelaProps to the props

Although that does remind me of this very special memento photograph that Big Guy sent to Nelson in 2010:

Obamaand Mandela diba2_580_839_80_s

It’s inscribed “To Nelson Mandela – an inspiration to us all!” and hand-signed by BO himself! He also accompanied the gift with an iPod filled with his and TOTUS’s most famous reads.

Well, I’ve got to run. I have to locate Lady M’s favorite umbrella dress that she somehow thinks will be perfect for winter in South Africa.

     Rio-Fire-Stripe-Sun-Blocking-Beach-Umbrella_slideshow_imageleaving rio

If you think these wardrobe choices are odd and/or accidental, you’ve really not strapped yourself into your thinking cap. Lady M’s very deliberate fashion choices for our $100 million vacay have all been made with an eye to keeping your eye focused on our finery rather than the reality of our trip’s frivolousness. I think it’s working. So far the only person who seems to have noticed is George Will:

The question of whether Barack Obama’s second term will be a failure was answered in the affirmative before his Berlin debacle, which has recast the question, which now is: Will this term be silly, even scary in its detachment from reality? (snip)

Regarding another threat, he spoke an almost meaningless sentence that is an exquisite example of why his rhetoric cannot withstand close reading: “We may strike blows against terrorist networks, but if we ignore the instability and intolerance that fuels extremism, our own freedom will eventually be endangered.” So, “instability and intolerance” are to blame for terrorism? Instability where? Intolerance of what by whom “fuels” terrorists? Terrorism is a tactic of destabilization. Intolerance is, for terrorists, a virtue.

Oye: “his rhetoric cannot withstand close reading.”!?! It’s going to be a long road trip. Wish me luck.

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Friday, June 21, 2013

MOO U???

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful suggestions on what the elementary school in the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) to be named after Lady M should be called. Unfortunately the school board has already chosen the name “Michelle Obama Elementary” so we’ll have to save the “Lady M Preparatory School of Fashion and Design” for a later date. And I’m sure you can see why “MOO U” was inappropriate for a grade school. Ditto “MOO U2.”

“This name was selected by the school-site council because Michelle Obama supports active living and eating healthy, and the school models itself on that,”

Apparently thinking and eating “right”, and losing your fat behind are more important these days than learning proper grammar, mastering the principles of mathematics and learning the basics of critical thinking. After all, that’s what computers are for, right? Lady M’s school will focus more on social justice issues and the theology of global warming. Because learning how to reduce your “carbon footprint”, if you know what I mean,

fat like me Run faster Charles, and you can reduce your carbon backside too!

and I think you do, in order to save the world is more important than understanding the laws of thermodynamics, finance and economics, right? I mean that’s what computers are for, right? And not that I’m profiling or anything, butt the Chinese just seem to be naturals at that stuff…so we might as well let them handle all the boring stuff, right? While we make the world safe from red meat and carbon footprints?

xiaoxueFirst graders studying their trigonometry lesson in Beijing

As a showcase for healthy eating, Lady M’s new school will be dedicated to serving only locally sourced weeds and vegetables.

tomato-600x337Locally grown tomatoes and oh look! Wild arugula!Weeds-1024x741

Also, in order to mask all class distinction, the children will be required to wear uniforms; although they’ll be allowed to choose which uniform they wish to adopt.

Future Crony Capitalists Green Energy Leaders of America:

green t-shirt

Future Journalists of America:

journolists for obama_thumb[1]

Future Sheep of America:

brown shirts[3]

Or Future Gang Leaders of America:


The Future Fashionistas of America club is still holding auditions for their uniform selection. So far these are in the lead:

                    michelle-obama-t-shirt-200x200mo tshirt

All of the uniforms will be made of highest quality, 100% organic materials and assembled with skilled labor.


Although I don’t mind telling you, the SEIU is little bit ticked off about that last part.

Also, since both Lady M and Big Guy are huge proponents of women’s rights, and they don’t want anyone punished with a baby, the Michelle Obama Elementary school will be dispensing, free of charge, Plan B pre-abortion pills in the girls’ lavatory.


Plan A, as always, will be continue to be available in the boys’ room.


Anyway, if all goes well, this new Lady M style academy will serve as a model for the future Obamaschools® For America. We plan on passing some common sense legislation outlawing Catholic and Protestant schools, due to their divisiveness and the fact that we want a complete separation of church and state, and the only way to do that is to get rid of the church. We also plan to regulate home schooling out of existence. Once this happens the new OFA schools will be fully funded with all the money we’re saving through the sequestration.

All you need to know, if you’re a parent of school aged children, is that our new schools will provide your kids with breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner so you no longer have to. And all the food will be delicious, healthy, meet all of the FDA daily recommended nutritional requirements…and be provided free of charge!

Screenshot Studio capture #1187

You’re welcome. Now shut up and eat our peas.


h/t Mutnodjmet at the Temple of Mutt


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Sign the Petition Today!

ted cruz-superman-WM


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Thursday, June 20, 2013

Sunspots and Surveillance: Do Not Mix

Big Guy’s greatly anticipated Brandenburg Gate II performance was a bit of a letdown.

crowdReality Bites

While not exactly dismissive or derisive, it did come across as a bit derivative. Sort of a mash-up of the original “Ick bin ein Berliner” and the “I have a dream” speech. From JFK we get that Big Guy is a citizen of the World, from MLK, we get that he still harbors his college-aged self’s dream of a nuclear free world:

bo obama sundial article

young bo obama stoned 1981 NYCollege-aged Barry Soetoro, saving the world, one dooby at a time

It would have been one of his best reads, too, if only the sun hadn’t gotten in his eyes.

MSNBC's number one Obama fanboy, Chris Matthews, was obviously disappointed with President Obama's letdown of a speech in Germany Tuesday. Rather than place the blame where it belonged -- on the empty rhetoric, hypocritical platitudes, and a crowd 95% smaller than the one Obama captured in '08 as a presidential candidate -- Matthews blamed it on the sun blotting out Obama's teleprompter:

I tried to tell him that TOTUS needed a pair of sunglasses if he was going to scroll at sunset; maybe next time he’ll listen to me.

motus_tennis_matchWM copy

I know my Jackie O sunglasses really improved my game


Even though the speech was a bit of a yawn, Angie threw us a nice dinner party anyway:

Michelle Obama Guests Arrive Charlottenburg M-G57bCryt1xApparently palazzo pants are very big in Germany this year; maybe Mo should have worn hers too. 

We broke out a new frock, a cute, summery sun-dress for the occasion. It was perfect for the State Dinner, really setting Lady M apart from the rest of the ladies in attendance. I expect you’ll see it again when we move to Martha’s Vineyard for the remainder of the summer, after our African Safari.

We’ll really get “our money” out of this one, as it looks good both coming and going.

Screenshot Studio capture #1183Especially if you blur the “going” shot, as required by protocol.

The schnitzels and wursts were pretty good, butt Lady M really enjoyed Angie’s special wine selections.

Screenshot Studio capture #1182

We just wish they hadn’t all been white.

Angie seemed to focus more attention on Lady M than BO. What’s up with that?

Not only is that kind of dangerous, when dealing with two narcissists well developed egos personalities like the Wons, butt it runs the risk of looking like you’re being dismissive of the leader of the free world.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Big Guy’s been caught spying on everybody, including Angie and her government. It sure didn’t help that FBI Director Mueller confirmed in testimony yesterday that we are using drones to track people in America. So here we go again with all the conspiracy theories: reporter Michael Hastings was being followed by the FBI before his untimely death, TWA Flight 800 was taken down by a missile and covered up, and now - suspicion that waste management executive Tony Soprano may have been taken out too. Ostensibly for his ties to the current administration.

There’s no truth to that rumor. And with the “sunshine rules” as enacted by this, the most transparent administration in the history of the republic, we would tell you if there were. Or any of the other rumors swirling around.

So, even though sunshine is the latest thing Big Guy was for before he was against it, it looks like we’re going to have to banish it, in order to give TOTUS a proper read. Still, others remain opposed to the idea of it being nighttime in America, and demand that the sunshine in:

Peace and Love. The more Hope and Change®, the more things remain the same.

bo eat your peas

Peas Out, dude!

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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

“Ich bin ein Dubliner, und nach dem mittagessen, ein Berliner.”

While Big Guy was busy charming world leaders, we had lunch.

bono lady m 9n-3-web

Fish and chips at Finnegan’s with Bono (!) and his lovely wife Allison, with whom we share a certain savoir faire.

Screenshot Studio capture #1180Allison’s a real fashion icon too! Imagine that a black slip – at the beach!

They also dragged brought along their 2 younger children, Elijah and John to enjoy the historic event.

Screenshot Studio capture #1179Privileged kids of privileged parents will be privileged kids – I don’t care who you are.

Bono and Allison, like Big Guy and Lady M, also have two daughters; Jordan, in the gladiator outfit and Memphis Eve. I’ve no idea why they named her after a feminine hygiene product.

                  bono daughterbonodaughters

Lady M and the girls had fish and chips, and Lady M also enjoyed a lobster starter, according to proprietor Dan Finnegan, posing here with his wife Coleen and Lady M.

lady m dan and collen finnegan at fineegans pub dalkeySomeone’s overdressed here!

Then, on to Germany where our Palazzo pants seemed a bit too much for the headwinds coming out of Europe these days.

        germany 1 out of 2 ain't badMichelle Obama Barack Obama Family Arrive YenY0Nm39UEx

So we changed into something a little bit, uh, clingier:

Michelle Obama President Obama Visits Berlin UisLCQKFgwTxblack over butt-finally

And please note one and all, MO has finally taken your advice about wearing darker colors around the portions of our geography that we may wish to, uh, de-emphasize. So don’t tell me things aren’t making improvements on the ever important geo-political front.

In fact, we’re so close to achieving that whole Jackie O thing now, we even got a pair of her signature sunglasses:

            Michelle Obama jackie O poseparismatch_jackie

Which is only appropriate as on the eve of the 50th anniversary of JFK’s historic speech, Big Guy is going to once again give an historic read at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. It is expected to immediately top John F. Kennedy’s and Ronald Reagan’s in both style and histrionics historical impact. It will also go immediately to #1 on the iPod download list; if I told you how I know that, I’d have to shoot you. And don’t worry: if you have an Android or iPod on AT&T’s or Verizon’s system, it will automatically be downloaded whether you want it or not. In case you’re busy or something and miss it live.

Anyway, as you can see the Wee Wons continue to enjoy their first summer vacation of the season.

image-510346-galleryV9-qwwlRemember girls, you can’t overestimate the importance of proper footwear.

At least as much as Mom:

Michelle Obama President Obama Visits Berlin Ca0JJ5C41YLxarticle-2344331-1A65B8E0000005DC-52_306x423article-2343856-1A61F9FA000005DC-85_634x484

Don’t read much into this; remember, BRF is a bitch, and it’s genetic.

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