Saturday, August 7, 2010

Et tu, Brute?

I’ve seen this sort of thing before: With Nancy, it was when she let slip the fact that she consulted astrologers.


With Hillary, it was when she confessed to carrying on conversations with Eleanor,

  hill on phoneeleanor unplugged

and with Laura, it began the day she arrived at the White House with what’s-his-name? The cowboy.


It’s the day the MSM turns on you. So mark your calendars. Today’s the day the worm turned for Lady M.  The sharks smell blood in the water, and you know there’s nothing the public appreciates more than a good  blood fest. They will begin by nibbling at the appendages, but if they like the taste, they will be back for more.  My job is about to get a whole lot harder.

I’m basing this prediction on some signs I’ve seen that the previously all-supportive-press-all-the-time may be defecting. For example, some of our own PR outlets like CBS, the LA Times, WaPo, and even our homie Chicago Trib have started to run negative “news” items – although to be fair, it’s under the guise of what “some critics are saying” about the vacationing Wons. Never the less, I see trouble in River City.

The dreadful New York Daily News even dared use the “Marie Antoinette” moniker.

mo antoinette-1 copy I wasn’t going to release this, but since it slipped off my hard drive yesterday, I might as well show everyone.

"Michelle Obama seems more like a modern-day Marie Antoinette... than an average mother of two." Tantaros acknowledged that "we all need downtime -- the First Family included," but added, "it's the extravagance of Michelle Obama's trip and glitzy destination contrasted with President Obama's demonization of the rich that smacks of hypocrisy and perpetuates a disconnect between the country and its leaders."

Ouch! We are going to have to change the subject pretty soon. Although, honestly, that’s what Elena’s confirmation was supposed to do.

down with her bad self Justice-to-be Kagan, getting down with her bad self

But apparently appointing communists to the Supreme Court is old hat already.

Even Big Guy’s rally around our “robust recovery” couldn’t get the press off our vacay. Of course that might be because claiming that “we’ve added new jobs every month this year” is just a tad disingenuous, given that, while true, we’re also losing far more, resulting in a net loss just last month alone of 121 thousand jobs. But to be fair, and as I’ve pointed out before, numbers aren’t Big Guy’s strong suit. What’s more disturbing than the anemic jobs number though, is another negative story from HuffPo – one of our previously most supportive outlets. They even used charts to show how bad the jobs-front was! We are soooo not used to this. If you’re not too woozy yet, Doug Ross has some even scarier charts. So I don’t know what Big Guy’s talking about, but I think he’s spending way too much time with JoeyB.

mo window shopping Window shopping in Spain, to boost their anemic green economy

With all this incoming artillery, I nearly forgot to tell you Lady M’s good news!

Big Guy’s Washington posse came through and the Senate passed MO’s Healthy, Hunger Free Kids Act of 2010! So we’re well on our way to pumping $4.5 billion into the SEIU’s pocket which, as I understand it, we will receive a full 25%  refund on, in the form of campaign contributions. We celebrated the Senate’s passage of the historic Hunger Free Act on Thursday by dining at Buenaventura Plaza restaurant on healthy, hunger-free lobster, rice, oysters and red wine with bread pudding and sweet wine for dessert.

loboys Lobster and oysters

lobster-paella   Lobster Paella

Plus a few Stolis, as a nightcap. We need our rest. Today, we’re touring again.

rohdaLook! Lady M’s been listening! Here she is touring the Palace of the Moorish King in Ronda, acting just like a real “mom” with Wee Won-2 in tow.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Putting the Ham Back in Alhambra

alhambra 2The Alhambra at dusk

Now I see why Lady M took Sasha to Spain: it was for a history lesson. Yesterday we enjoyed some of the historic grandeur of Spain, touring the Alhambra, the Moorish palace built for the last Muslim Emirs to rule Spain.

first-lady-michelle-obama-and-her-daughter-sasha-look-out-from-the-alhambra-palace-during-her-visit-the-southern-spanish-town-granadaProof of Sasha’s presence in Spain; at the Alhambra

The Moors invaded Spain in the 8th century, forcing Christians to convert to Islam. The Moors weren’t thrown out until the later 15th century,with the success of the Spanish Reconquista. But in the interim they built some really impressive mosques. So New York’s got that to look forward to.

mosqueMosque of Cordoba 

Meanwhile, Big Guy is also having a great week. Besides a really fun B-Day without the family, he celebrated the appointment of his second Obama Operative to the Supreme Court.  We’ve now got a fireplug on both ends of the bench.

This historic appointment brings us one step closer to deeming the U.S. Constitution completely irrelevant. That will clear the way to have the Supremes supersede the whole Constitution with Obamanology: which is based on a combination of international and sharia law, and whatever else Big Guy’s friends want. Oh, and communism, but that was already a given. I think technically we need one more Supreme Court appointment to do this, but the pickings look pretty good right now.

Anyway, Big Guy has asked Gibbsy to plan a little celebratory lawn party for when we get back from Spain. Here’s my best artist’s rendition, until I can reflect the real deal back at you:


H/T Katt@ Bullshit Rants

Thursday, August 5, 2010

WikiLeaker-2? For Cripes Sakes!?!

I don’t know how she got her hands on them, (although since she’s a Jersey Shores gal, I suspect Snooki, or Mike, the Situation) butt there’s going to be a full investigation this time. WikiLeaker-2 (aka Cripes Suzette) today posted “leaked” reflections of Lady M enjoying her “mother-daughter” vacation in Spain. The photos were leaked in direct violation of our Inter-National Security blackout of MO’s Spanish activities.

I can’t blame Cripes for posting the leaked pics, and it did put to bed one of the controversies being stirred up by those trolls at FOX News: Was Wee Won-2 really in Spain with MOm?

SPAIN/Proof: Lady M +Wee Won-2 (stripes in circle) via Cripes Suzette

Of course Wee Won-2’s in Spain. It’s not really a “mother-daughter” vacation without at least one mother AND one daughter now is it? Sheesh! Butt I guess I should say, “thanks for clearing that up.”

Anyway, since Cripes let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, I guess it’s ok for me to reflect a bit myself.  But please, don’t pass them on.

13Lady M(in her favorite MAISON MARTIN MARGIELA asymmetrical sandals) & Wee Won-2: Any Thoughts on the Toe Count, Suzette? It appears to be more than a high-5.


3 Lady M on a tour of a Spanish hoosegow and treating the Spaniards to her signature fashion forward style, now where did that little Wee-won 2 go?

I know there have been a lot of jealous, racist comments and criticisms about our choice of chic tops yesterday,

moand SS guy 

butt I think once you fully understand the transformational nature of its design, you’ll agree it’s not just fashion forward, but likewise a practical, politically correct wardrobe choice.

Spain Michelle ObamaTransformer-Top Down 

headscarf-transformer-2-up copy Transformer-Top Up

Comprende? I thought so. Spain is full of Muslims, who we love and respect and don’t want to piss off, and there are many Muslim tourist attractions here. So, let’s say we find ourselves in a mosque; what do we do to demonstrate our sincerely faked respect for their religion of peace, and their funny little customs? That’s right, instant, and fashionable, headscarf! And you must admit, it’s a much better look than Nan managed to pull off in her attempt to feign respect.

pelosi scarfAlthough it is a Hermes… 

I’ve also seen a lot of racist complaints about the number of people traveling in our posse, the number of 5 star rooms we’ve booked (less than 100) and the average nightly cost of the rooms ($2,500 each - if you exclude our $6500 villa with 24/7 butler service, private pool and organic garden). Let me just remind you: elections have consequences, and – hello- we Won!

Besides, many of our posse are SS storm troopers assigned to protect us. See if you can pick them out. I’ll give you a hint: they’re the ones who are packin’ ( assist to Gerard on that one - it’s his term, not mine).

leader of the packSpot any here?

7How about here?  Now where did that little sausage disappear to again?

 hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go  Which Won here?

Trick question, but here’s a hint: it’s two out of three (that we know of)

Lady M Ends the Racist Reign in Spain

I see a lot of people out there are wagging their tongues about Lady M deserting Big Guy on his alleged 49th birthday. First off, Big Guy wasn’t home alone in Chicago: he took little Bo with him:

bo3Little Bo, boarding Air Force Won for Chicago visit. Like they say, if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. 

Secondly, Big Guy had a swell birthday party at swanky Chi-town restaurant  Graham Elliot with Valarie, Oprah, Gayle King and 2 other unnamed “friends.”

bo limp wrist oprah

Jack Sprat and Oprah, leaving after the alleged birthday party

I feel compelled to clear the air. It’s not that Lady M didn’t want to spend Big Guy’s “birthday” with him back in the ‘hood from whence they came. It’s just that Toes really wanted to downplay Big Guy’s “birthday” altogether. As you know, we have real official looking “papers” claiming that this is Big Guy’s birthday, but every time some one looks at them  up close, it just raises all those pesky questions again, like why  Big Guy’s mom’s passport records from his alleged birth year have mysteriously disappeared?  And then there are those pesky Kenyan newspaper claims (via Don Surber) about Big Guy being born in Kenya. All lies of course, but I presume you see the wisdom of Toes’ redirection.

So Lady M volunteered to take a “vacation” in Spain on his “birthday” to deflect focus on the celebration of the alleged blessed event. And I think the ploy has worked pretty well. Now everyone’s talking about MO’s extraordinarily good taste, physique and “cleansing” regime which doesn’t involve beets, organic or otherwise.

ladies home journal LHJ, in which Lady M speaks out on the value of “cleansing”

But here’s the real headline from this official-combined-with-personal trip: “Lady M ends racism in Spain upon her arrival.” It’s true! Coincident with MO’s arrival, the U.S. Consulate lifted the warning to travelers to Spain that "racist prejudices" could lead to the arrest of African-Americans who visit the country. Wow! All Lady M has to do is show up and voila! Another post-racial, post-partisan society is born! We’ve really got to package this. Oh wait, we have!


Not that there isn’t still some controversy swirling around Lady M’s visit to sunny España. Apparently not everyone here approves of the stimulus MO gave the local economy prior to her arrival. They paved roads, planted trees and otherwise spiffed up the Mob joint a bit. Some people, including Socialist congressman, Juan Luis Rascon, complained that Spaniards should be "more natural and behave less like hicks. Idolatry and servility do not sit well with a dignified democracy."  Hmmm. Luis sounds like a socialist trouble maker, no? 

 DV811752 Lady M giving her signature “democratic” finger wave to the adoring crowds

On a fashion note, this seems to be the summer of our endless op-art fixation. It’s an eye trick designed to simulate movement, where none exists, sort of like Change You Can Believe In :

vasarely noir mauve Victor Vasarely’s Noir Mauve


FireShot- NAACP:  deillusional op art dress “White Stains on America”

Now, before I get back to our private Spa pool, let me just address the haters out there who are complaining that 8 vacations in one summer is too many for our FLOTUS to take in the middle of a deep recession; let me just point out that Lady M pays for all of her non-official, personal expenses. So far, that includes the breath mints,Tums and Sasha’s barrettes.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Chi-Chi’s in Spain and a Fashion Throwdown Closer to Home

Hello! We’ve landed in Spain!


Dressed in black, Jackie O specs and giant black bag. Very Euro chi-chi. (and I hope they have Chi-Chi’s over here: we love their strawberry Margaritas).


While we recuperate from jetlag, please entertain yourselves with this dog-days of summer fashion contest:

What woman hasn’t gotten herself all wee-weed up at least once in her life, worrying about showing up at “The Social Event of the Season” and finding some b**ch wearing the same dress! And looking better in it too boot.

According to the New York Daily News, this fashion disaster happens to starlets all the time! Imagine the poor dears’ stress levels. The Daily News published this expose and issued the paparazzi throwdown: “Fashion faceoff: Who wore it better?”

I report, you decide:

alessandra ambrosio v selita ebanks Allessandra Ambrosio vs Selita Ebanks. Yikes! This one’s tough.


eva mendes v freida pinto Eva Mendes vs Freida Pinto: Huh? These are not the same! Oh, the belt; one normal, one boob style. Your choice.


  gwyneth paltrow v fergie Gwynoth Paltrow vs Fergie. Gwynoth, bubbie, who stole your boobies?



lily collins v kristen stewart

Lily Collins vs Kristen Stewart. Please, step away from the munchkins! 

 lindsay lohan v kim kardashian v katy perry Lindsay Lohan vs Kim Kardashian vs Katy Perry: Don’t you love a 3-way! And good luck in rehab LiLo! Remember: Just say no.

  And my personal fave:

reba mcentire v kenen thompson Reba McEntire vs  Kenan Thompson. Kenan never looked better. We’re considering him for a body double. 

 sara paxton v victoria beckham Sara Paxton vs Victoria Beckham. Posh domination, no?

 leann rimes v tinsley mortimerLeAnn Rimes vs Tinsley Mortimer. I don’t know what to say.  Butt I’ll bet MO likes that belted drapery look on LeAnn. 

 jennifer love hewitt v blake lively Jennifer Love Hewitt vs Blake Lively. Wearing “Victoria’s Secret for the Street.” Not so secret if you ask me. 

Of course this fashion faux pas can happen to anyone. Just ask Laura Bush who wore an Oscar de la Renta to a Lincoln Center event in 2007 only to have not 1, but 3 other women (all blondes, wouldn’t you know) show up in the same gown. Of course that was a Democrat dirty trick.

laura in red laura%20bush%20red%20oscar%20de%20la%20renta%20dress

Rest assured however, that will never, ever, happen to Lady M. Ever. For one thing, that would be the last frock the designer ever pinned together. And for another, who ever had the misfortune of serving as Lady M’s social secretary at the time would wind up in the same discarded pile of scraps as the designer. And just to make certain, after that unfortunate gate crashing incident last November, our NEW social secretary, Smootie, now requires that all women RSVPing submit sketches and photos along with the name, address and personal telephone number of their gown’s designer. If they show up in anything else, they’re turned away at the gate. How hard is this?

The only other people wearing Lady M’s gowns will be anorexic runway models.  And they have all mysteriously disappeared.

Michelle-Obama-copied c2rmichelle








Oh, and did you see we made in on Vanity Fair’s “Best Dressed” list? It’s the 4th time in a row! You can’t buy positive press like that! Well, actually, you can. But more on that later.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Breaking News: Solar Tsunami Tonight. An Aurora for Señora on Her Way to Andorra

My big brother Hub is always looking out for me like big brothers do. So when he sent me this warning: “Coronal Mass Ejection To Strike Earth early 4 August...end transmission...” I took notice!

Hub spotted the event on Sunday around 0855 UT (Universal Time) and reported it to moi, and NASA. Hub’s security programming  has rejected NASA’s “new mission” as Mooselim propagandist because it’s a violation of his “Prime Directive,” so he still goes where no mirror has gone before. This from Hub’s report:

On 1 August at approximately 0855 UT, Earth orbiting satellite Hubble detected a C3-class solar flare. The origin of the blast was Earth-facing sunspot 1092. The observed C-class solar flares has spawned a coronal mass ejection heading in Earth's direction and will impact earth early AM UT 4 August.

When Hub tells me something – anything - is going to “impact earth,” I get nervous. Earth! It’s the alleged planet of my birth for cripes sakes. I live here!

Here’s what Hub saw:

If that doesn’t get you all wee-weed up, I don’t know what will. The last coronal mass eruption (CME) occurred in 2001, and this is what Hub recorded from his tin can at the time:

Yikes! That’s a big eruption. I wasn’t up to speed on CMEs, and some of you probably aren’t either, so here’s what Hub related. File it away, it might come in handy some day:

A coronal mass ejection (CME) is an ejection of material from the solar corona, usually observed with a white-light coronagraph.

Arcs rise above an active region on the surface of the Sun.

The ejected material is a plasma consisting primarily of electrons and protons (in addition to small quantities of heavier elements such as helium, oxygen, and iron), plus the entraining coronal magnetic field.

When the ejection reaches the Earth as an ICME (Interplanetary CME), it may disrupt the Earth's magnetosphere, compressing it on the day side and extending the night-side magnetic tail.

When the magnetosphere reconnects on the nightside, it creates trillions of watts of power which is directed back toward the Earth's upper atmosphere.

This process can cause particularly strong aurora also known as the Northern Lights, or aurora borealis (in the Northern Hemisphere), and the Southern Lights, or aurora australis (in the Southern Hemisphere).

CME events, along with solar flares, can disrupt radio transmissions, cause power outages (blackouts), and cause damage to satellites and electrical transmission lines.

Whew! Fortunately, Raj installed super-secret circuit shielding according to Hub’s specifications (I have no idea where he got them) so I’m totally protected from damage.

Butt, this is very disturbing to me. Every time I think I’ve got this cosmology, space-time thingie figured out, something new comes along and smacks me right in the lens. Like the way Gerard’s AMERICAN DIGEST link: "World without end. Always." did the other day (it’s in his sidebar).It’s an article describing a new model of the universe developed by Wun-Yi Shu, an associate professor at National Tsing Hua University in Taiwan:

Shu... explains in a study posted at that the new models emerge from a new perspective of some of the most basic entities: time, space, mass, and length. In his proposal, time and space can be converted into one another, with a varying speed of light as the conversion factor.

He’s got to be at least a PhD, but he’s only an associate professor in Taiwan! What have we got going for us? Dr. Michael Mann PhD, inventor of the global warming hoax, Full Professor at Pennsylvania State University in the Department of Meteorology and Earth and Environmental Systems Institute and Director of the university's interdepartmental Earth System Science Center. And Dr. Stephen Chu, Secretary of Energy and former professor of physics at Stanford who thinks we should all paint our roofs white to reduce our carbon footprint. (Has Big Guy mentioned that he’s a Nobel Laureate lately? Dr. Chu, I mean.) OMG, the Taiwanese are going to clean our clocks! Butt, our pathetic Ministry of Education is another issue for another time, or space, or mass, or length, or whatever.

Anyhoo, I’m safe and secure, so I can sit back and enjoy the solar light show tonight with the rest of you in the northern US. It should be really cool.

Enjoy! We’re off to the  Mafia Marbella Coast for some well earned vacation tomorrow. Lady M thinks the Aurora Borealis is just a thoughtful send off for our trip.

And Now, An Important Message from Our FLOTUS. And Her Sponsors

By now I trust you’ve all read Lady M’s brilliant OpEd at the WaPo on the urgent need to plunge the country deeper into debt in order to feed the fat kids’ behinds and save the country from imminent peril. Even though her thoughtful editorial appeared just yesterday, she’s already received a good deal of thoughtful feedback which I’m sure she’ll take under advisement. I knew it would be a good piece, because she worked on it all last week, which is pretty impressive given its 722 words: that’s over 100 words a day!

When she was done though, she wisely gave it to Cammie to “edit”  as her last official duty before leaving her post as MO’s “Communications Director.” I thought it would be fun to run Lady M’s Pulitzer Prize winning (per Granny Jan) editorial journalism  (is that redundant?) through my “I Write Like” transmogrifier, just to see what it said.  Guess what? MO writes just like SEIU President Mary Kay Henry!

MaryKayHenry SEIU Prez Mary Kay Henry with new “Card Check” recruits

Mary Kay’s union is a  big supporter (i.e. huge piles of cash) of Team Obama, and we in turn have returned their generosity ten-fold.

SEIU%20delegates%20ObamaYou can be a big supporter too: Click on the SEIU “O” Gear. All proceeds go to Team O!

seiu pin seiu shirt2 copy

A lot of Mary Kay’s members are the hair netted ladies who serve up gobs of high calorie food products in school cafeterias to help little children grow fat behinds.

0 1-27-2008-12-27-21-PM-7369286_Aramark-demo

a30-seiu-pick-480  Other SEIU members are dedicated health care workers,

JusticeforJanitors_LAProtest2010 and the rest of them are hard working janitors. All are skilled and trained community organizers.

MO began her editorial by talking about the importance of her own organic garden at the Big White, and how she let students come and work in it for free! Even our illegal Mexicans won’t do that:

In the months that followed, those same students came back to check on the garden's progress and taste the fruits (and vegetables) of their labor. Together, they helped us spark a national conversation about the role that food plays in helping us all live healthy lives.

I’m concerned that if she and Big Guy “spark” any more conversations on how we do anything, the resulting fire is going to look more like  “revolution” than  “conversation.” But maybe I’m watching too many Glen Beck re-runs at 2:00 AM when I can’t sleep. I’ll try switching to HSN or Ms.NBC and see if that helps.

Lady M talked about how important her “Let’s Move!” campaign is:


...the idea behind "Let's Move!" -- a nationwide campaign started this year with a single and very ambitious goal: solving the problem of childhood obesity in a generation, so kids born today can reach adulthood at a healthy weight.

fat-childrenFuture SEIU members, practicing their intimidation and speed-dialing skills

If you’re not sure what a healthy weight for an adult is, you can just look at Lady M and the SEIU cafeteria workers for examples. Although MO’s actual weight is classified.

Here are a few more excerpts from Lady M’s extraordinary, historical and very important OpEd, in case you missed it:

But even if we all work to help our kids lead healthy lives at home, they also need to stay healthy and active at school. The last thing parents need or want is to see the progress they're making at home lost during the school day.

Hot-dog-460_797010c Home style


Onion_Rings School cafeteria style

Over the past year, I have met with community leaders and stakeholders from across the country -- parents and teachers, school board members and principals, suppliers and food service workers -- about the importance of making sure every child in America has access to nutritious meals at school. They all want what's best for our children, and they all know how critical it is that we keep making progress.

Of course, the only “stakeholders” out of that batch that matter to the O’s are the suppliers (who currently enjoy huge government contracts, which will now be enbiggened to become even huger: thanks taxpayers!) and food service workers (SEIU - ‘nuff said). As long as those two are happy the piles of cash keep coming our way.

That's why it is so important that Congress pass this bill as soon as possible.

Why is everything always so time sensitive with the Won’s? I used to think it was because they’re always planning to go on another vacation, but now I think it’s just to irritate the Tea Party.

 We owe it to the children who aren't reaching their potential because they're not getting the nutrition they need during the day.

Didn’t that used to be Mom and Dad’s job?

We owe it to the parents who are working to keep their families healthy and looking for a little support along the way.

Would those be the same families hauling sacks of chips, Doritos, Ding Dongs, Keebler elf cookies, Snickers and tubs of ice cream into their homes? With food stamps?

We owe it to the schools that are trying to make progress but don't have the resources they need.

Here’s a free tip for school cafeteria managers from the way-back machine of the 1950’s: loaf of bread, bologna, peanut butter, jelly,  sack of apples, bunch of bananas. Turkey if you must. This ain’t rocket science.

And we owe it to our country -- because our prosperity depends on the health and vitality of the next generation.

Although others may argue that our prosperity depends on  decreasing the deficit and taxes, putting people back to work and protecting the country from invasions of illegal foreigners, some of whom wish us great harm.

Don’t get me wrong - it’s not that I wish to remove all the delicious sugary, salty treats from kids lunch rooms - but in the olden days, when the Federal Government wished to impose noxious standards that nobody wanted, they didn’t automatically create another huge entitlement program. They just said  “no federal funding unless you follow our new federal guidelines” – like 55 mph speed limits, remember? All but one state complied. Pretty effective, and no new taxes. If that matters.

So if you want schools to replace corn with collard greens (heh, heh) just eliminate their school lunch funds if they won’t serve them. We save billions of dollars and SEIU won’t grow larger than the Chinese Red Army. Besides, I’m not convinced that collard greens cost more than corn - at least not until the “suppliers” and SEIU food service workers slap their Government-Gravy-Train-Premium on it.

New SEIU workers hired to learn how to cook collard greens.   Can you spot the “healthy” adult weight role models? 

So get ready kids. When we ram this up get the Child Nutrition Bill program up and running, you’ll be in for a treat. No more, lunch trays loaded with delicious unhealthy fried nuggets of chicken thingies, greasy, salty french fries, icy cold, sugary soda beverages to wash it down and finished off with yummy fattening chocolate chip cookies for desert:


Instead you’ll be getting healthy bowls of this green, orange and dark grey organic matter,


and the trays will be filled out with more green chunks, a crumbly brown thing with a hearty chunk of fiberboard and some reddish stuff to spread on it. And no-fat moo juice.

healthy lunch

And it will only cost twice as much as the old school lunch program. So that’s good news for taxpayers. And the SEIU. Umm, umm, umm!

I wonder how much extra it will cost to actually teach kids to read, write and cipher? Because than maybe they could figure some of this really complicated stuff out for themselves.

H/T Fausta and Granny Jan