Sunday, August 1, 2010

Chelsea Morning on the Rhine: Updated

Now Bill Clinton - he knows how to throw a former-first-daughter wedding! A designer gown, former Astor estate nuptials, beautiful people, months in the making spare-no-expense social extravaganza (and, refreshingly, mostly not on your dime). The wedding drew a phalanx of paparazzi and disrupted everything, including other weddings, in Rhinebeck, New York. But it was worth it.


Compare Chelsea’s fab affair to the former-first-daughter Jena Bush’s wedding, who was married at sunset at the Bush ranch in Crawford Texas (also not on your dime). GWB doesn’t even know how to throw a proper wedding: jena bushJena and Henry’s wedding, at the Bush ranch, officiated by Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell. He’s an authentic African American as far as I know. 

But Chelsea’s wedding – it was the stuff little girls dreams are made of: hyped as the “wedding of the century” (so far anyway, there are still 90 years to go), and the wedding of American royalty (well, I’ll concede there does seem to be a resemblance between Chelsea and Princess Anne)

anne2Princess Anne and first husband, what’s-his-name 

chelsea under cover Chelsea, looking quite royally British

Here’s the only good news from little miss smarty-pants’ wedding: Oprah wasn’t invited either! Or Babs. Or Stephen Spielberg as it turns out. Or maybe, like Lady M, they were all busy getting their nails done. As it turns out, the star power at the nuptials was pretty dim. Well, aside from the Clintons themselves of course. Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen were the only real “stars” and let’s face it, they haven’t been A-listers for years.

Here’s the first picture of the happy couple. Boy, after all that cosmetic surgery wouldn’t you think she might have picked up something a little more impressive than a girly-man? Oh well, at least she looked like a cake top bride. Nice work by Vera on the gown.

01chelsea6_span-blogSpan Although I’m afraid if Ms. Wang had seen what her momma wore yesterday she might have demanded the gown back.

bilandhil Yikes! This looks like something Lady M might wear after a bad weekend

Maybe she was expecting an emergency call from Big Guy to report  to Saudi Arabia.

Anyway, I’m sure Mom and Dad are pleased that their little girl married into a solidly Democratic family. New groom Marc Mezvinsky is the son of former Democratic Iowa congressman and convicted felon Edward Mezvinsky and former NBC reporter and former Pennsylvania congresswoman Marjorie Morgolies-Mezvinsky. But don’t worry, daddy’s crime was pure white collar. Ponzi schemes, you know like Bernie Madoff? And he’s been out of the clink since 2008. In retrospect, he blames it all on undiagnosed bipolar disorder. So, that’s good. He’s not just a chump like Bernie.

Marc’s mother and father are divorced now. And do you want to hear an uncanny coincidence? Marjorie Morgolies-Mezvinsky’s first husband had financial “difficulties” too, forcing her to withdraw as candidate for Pennsylvania’s Lieutenant Governor in 1988. Seriously, what are the odds?

Oh, and did I mention that young Marc is an investment banker? Yes, he used to work for the despised Goldman Sacks, but now we works for a despised hedge fund, G3 Capital. But don’t worry, he studied religion and philosophy in his undergraduate years at Stanford, so he’s got all those bases covered. Now that he’s one of the greedy Wall Street bankers who are ruining America, Chelsea will never have to worry about money again. But as a backup (in case divorce runs in his family), she just completed a masters degree in public health. This could be her key to the executive manor. Along with her law degree legal knowledge (she’s not a lawyer, but might play one on TV in the future, HT: clarice) and Obamacare - which will require years of legislative and regulatory meddling crafting – she’s a natural. But don’t get any big ideas, Chelsea girl, about who’s in charge of the Public Health around here.

mean mo2 Step away from my gravy train, b**ch!


Chelseas Wedding




Uncle Roger was able to make it to the swanky wedding too. He’s looking more like big bro every year. You may be able to take the “hill” out of “billy,” but not out of  unk’ Roger.









And finally, here’s good news if you’re looking for a new vacation get away: the 50 acre Astor Courts is for sale! I understand that if it sells within 30 days, the Clintons will get a 75% rebate on the cost of the wedding. Damn! Those Clintons still have the magic working for them.

Lady M  and Big Guy are interested, but they’re going to wait until the 30 days elapse.

I also assembled an album of photos from the wedding-that-we-didn’t-even–get-to-send-our-regrets to: enjoy!