Saturday, July 28, 2012

Wrestling with the transformation of our economy

It’s beginning to sound a lot like a bad country western song around here, “the economy is stallin’ and the debt keeps haulin’.”

120727-lowh/t Doug Ross

And if you think that’s an ugly picture take a gander at this one!

elena pirozhkova us wrestler

Lady M was literally swept off her feet on Friday by U.S. Olympic wrestler Elena Pirozhkova. Wow! That is one schtrong woman! And brave, too! I don’t think I wish to say anything more about this incident which wasn’t included in our official photo-op file.

So let’s get back to something that’s not as disturbing: did you know that 223,000 businesses were “disappeared” just since Big Guy took over the economy that Bush ruined? I suppose that explains what happened to some of the gazillion workers who likewise “disappeared” from the workforce in order to keep our unemployment numbers down around 8%. Not that 8% is good, it’s just that it’s a lot better than the real number which is at least double that.

Don’t worry though because BO’s Treasury Department along with his Federal Reserve are still printing money so he can spend it like, well, a socialist dicktator. Now he wants to transform the rules on student loans to allow those whacky kids who can’t find jobs with their whacky degrees to file bankruptcy and just “disappear” some of those gazillion dollar loans that they accumulated while playing beer pong and picking up advanced degrees in social-gender-race-identity studies. That’s right: file bankruptcy and lose your student loan! Thank you Big Guy! And don’t forget to vote for him in November. Twice. Because without your vote(s) there won’t be any more free stuff for everyone as we finally achieve social justice.

And since we’ve now experienced the 12th straight quarter of economic growth (That’s right!1.5% is technically growth. Never mind that Reagan’s recovery in the 80’s created 8% growth for more than 16 quarters in a row. That’s so old school –  we’re America! We can afford to make do with less!) 1.5% is sort of the new, transformed “robust.” 

And speaking of transformed robust, did you see Lady M’s new Transformer jacket?

mo and amb susman

It was created by J. Mendel to Department of Defense specifications: "white viscose techno crepe tailored jacket with overlapped side panels and silver embroidery" combined with an ivory silk satin faced chiffon pleated skirt and shiny silver heels.

mo transformer suith/t Fausta

The DoD specs call for the side flaps to rotate outward to form bat-like delta wings, the shoulder cap turns into a cockpit atop Lady M’s fuselage and the belly and tail flaps become the tail and ailerons. I know it’s hard to envision if you haven’t ever seen a Transformer  movie,

jetfire-vf1j-gerwalkTransformer in battle formation: artists rendition


but it’s all laid out in this DoD instruction sheet:


And here’s how the actual J. Mendel version works.

mo tansformer transformed copy

It’s really just another level of security implemented for the Olympic games. We needed extra security precautions because we are ostensibly a friend of Israel’s. And we all know how terrorists like to target and attack Israel and her allies – what? You don’t? I guess that’s because the Olympic Committee thought it might be, uh… indelicate,  to mentioned that 1972 massacre that happened precisely 40 years ago yesterday. 

Anyway, no need to worry. There were no incidents. Lady M didn’t even touch the Queen:

mo ambassador susmanThe Queen armed herself with a wine glass this time to prevent a frontal assault

Well, got to run now. Lady M & I are having lunch with some of our biggest O-Team sponsors. You know, people who have been successful because of Big Guy’s government and have therefore wisely chosen to give a little back.

Oh, you thought I meant to our “O”-lympic Team? Silly you...we’ve really got bigger fish than that to fry around here. You won’t find THIS schedule listed on the White House Dossier!

9:40 AM

Obama delivers remarks at a campaign event.

10:15 AM

Obama attends a campaign event.

11:00 AM

Obama delivers remarks at a campaign event..

11:30 AM

Obama attends a campaign event.

1:10 PM

Obama attends a campaign event  

1:15 PM

Obama delivers remarks at a campaign event.

4:45 PM

Obama departs the White House en route McLean, Virginia.

4:55 PM

Obama delivers remarks at a campaign event.

5:25 PM

Obama attends a campaign event.

7:35 PM

Obama delivers remarks at a campaign event.

8:25 PM

Obama departs McLean, Virginia en route the White House.

8:35 PM

Obama arrives at the White House.

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Friday, July 27, 2012

That’s the Olympic Spirit: Winning!

Lady M’s in London today to make sure that our Olympians understand that winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing. If they manage to win lots of gold medals for the first time in their lives, she and Big Guy can finally be proud of American superiority.

mo feircely patrioticBlending in with the flag

First she met with some of our women basketball stars:

making mo appear petiteIt’s not easy making MO look small, even if you’re a center

Although brother Craig makes everybody look small, I don’t care who you are:

bo craig2Hey little bro!

Butt back to MO:

mo breakfast with the teamButt first, let me tell you about me

As is her habit, MO personalized her remarks to the U.S. Olympic Team by sharing her own life experiences:

She told the group that some of her fondest memories in sports stemmed from watching the Olympics on television. She also shared the story of her father, who was athletic and contracted multiple sclerosis "in the prime of his life."

No mention this time of those “fond memories” including curling up in Daddy’s lap to watch the games, as she told the audience in Copenhagen when she was making a pitch for Chicago to host the 2016 games.

no-lympicsNo –O-Lympics for Chicago

Some family-values voters found that a little creepy, as MO would’ve been in her 20’s at the time of the games she was referring to, so we dropped that up-close and personal detail from our life story.

Anyway, we’ve gotten most of our official duties here in London out of the way already:

Breakfast with athletes, check.


“Let’s Move” anti-obesity event: check.

610xUniversity of Florida marching band at MO’s Let’s Move London event: Floridians, what have you to say for yourselves? 

The Let’s Move event featuring military children: check.

military children

And as of this evening’s reception at Buckingham Palace prior to the Olympic opening ceremonies, Lady M will have fulfilled all of her official duties. Other A-listers attending the Palace event will include Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Muhammad Ali, James Bond star Daniel Craig and Sir Pall McCartney. Quick trivia question: what do they all have in common? That’s right! In addition to being friends of the Queen, they’re all FOB’s (friends of Barry’s) – and they’ve all been official visitors at the Big White. It really is a small world isn’t it?

Anyway following tonight’s events, MO and the Wee Wons will be free to enjoy the games for the next 2 days before they have to come back home to raise more money for our historic re-election so we can continue our sacrificing for four more years.

And just because Lady M’s in London for a long weekend doesn’t mean she isn’t getting some decent face time back in the USA just in time for re-election 2012.

Screenshot Studio capture #628H/T ConservativeMom

Nice. Butt  wait a minute! What’s this: “50 Shades of '’No Way’ Why you’re not getting ANY” !?!  “NO B.S. behavior guide”?  Who the heck is in charge of cover design and layout over there – some kind of underhanded right-wing saboteur? Why does everything have to be so political?  Oh - and just for the record – that ill-placed blurb is in no way a reflection on what may or may not be happening - or not happening – around here. Formal denials to follow.

Anyway, it’s a great article on parenting that you won’t want to miss. MO explains what’s important for raising your kids right:

She says sports are as important for her girls as homework and friends. "It's important to learn how to compete, to develop a skill…[how to lose]…and how to work as a team. I want them to learn how to sweat, how to win gracefully and lose with dignity."

File away under “Do as I say, not as I do:” as she, herself, never really played sports in high school or college. Brother Craig explains:

Although a great athlete, she shied away from competitive sports because, her big brother says, "she hated losing".

And while we know Lady M knows how to sweat - winning gracefully?

fat like me_thumb[4]_thumb

Losing with dignity?


Not so much. Although we have found something Lady M can excel at:

mo fruit cake_thumb[4]_thumbWinning! MO takes first place in the competitive eating competition, fruitcake division

See there: I guess we can all evolve:

mo lets move britain_thumb[4]_thumb“Winning” woo-hoo! I get it! It’s the only thing!

wtf_thumb[4]_thumbWTF: Are You In?

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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Dismantling the one we’ve got in order to form a more perfect union


True revolutionaries do not flaunt their radicalism. They cut their hair, put on suits and infiltrate the system from within. – Saul Alinsky

bo axe manCheck

“And that is the belief that in America, change is always possible. That our union may not be perfect, but it is perfectible."

Seriously? Big Guy didn’t really say that did he?

He did!? It sounds like something one of our summer interns might have pulled out of the “Rhetoric of Progressive Idealism” handbook.

I guess I can’t lay this one on an intern; Big Guy has been telling us pretty much the same thing ever since his 2008 “More Perfect Union” speech. Of course back then everyone thought it was, well, you know…rhetorical. Who knew that “transforming America” meant –transforming our Constitution into his own image and likeness?

Bo consecrates a host led discI have been sent to transform your union into something more perfect: me

With Czars and Executive Edicts and Administrative rules? I mean, whoever would’ve believed that was even possible – without so much as a peep out of anyone?

sheeple_definition1BO’s Little Peeps

"That we can strive over time, through effort and sweat and blood and tears until it is the place we imagine. It may come in fits and starts, at a pace that can be slow and frustrating, but if we are willing to push through all the doubt and the cynicism and the weariness, then yes, we can form that more perfect union.”

Standby: I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what Big Guy and the Big Brains consider “a more perfect union” to be.

Maybe it will include “Meatless Mondays.”  Because I see that the USDA just endorsed that campaign. Seriously?

The U.S. Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) recent announcement that the agency embraces the “Meatless Monday” concept calls into question USDA’s commitment to U.S. farmers and ranchers. USDA stated “one simple way to reduce our environmental impact while dining at our cafeteria is to participate in the “Meatless Monday” initiative.”

Don’t worry, they’ve already walked it back: saying it was “unauthorized.”  (I’ll say! Monday is Kobe slider day around here.) Of course “unauthorized” is different from “not in support of” butt our official position is that the edict was issued by a “rogue animal rights activist.”

Maybe our “more perfect union” will include Big Guy’s new civilian police force, “just as strong just as powerful and just as well funded as the military.”

bo civilian force copy-WMI just love having the opportunity to repost this picture of “the boyz to men” club

Butt Mayor Bloomberg didn’t really call for national anarchy in order to kick-start the program did he? He did!? Seriously?

"I would take it one step further. I don't understand why police officers across this country don't stand up, collectively, and say, 'We're going to go on strike. We're not going to protect you unless you, the public, through your legislature, do what's required to keep us safe."

Don’t worry, I guess he’s already walked that back. He didn’t really say what you thought he said, just because he said it.

Maybe our more perfect union will carve out more acceptance for non-traditional sexual orientations. No, not GLBTs: I’m talking Porn Stars. Because I see that Big Guy just gave a shout-out to Gay Porn King Terry Bean at his Portland fundraiser. Dude. Seriously?

I want to thank somebody who put so much work into this event Terry Bean.  Give Terry a big round of applause.”  (Applause.)

Well, the guy is a “big bundler” and I think they may know each other from Man’s Country back in Chicago. Butt gosh, this does beg the question: is their anyone’s money we wouldn’t take? Aside from terrorists I mean? That is, assuming you can prove they’re terrorists. Well, unless you can prove they’re terrorists butt they’re not world leaders. In that case we’ll roll out the red carpet and fire up our hookah.

So lets just stick with pervs for now: Wow - Terry! Successful businessman and owner of the world famous gay porn movie production companies Falcon Studios, Jock Studios, and Mustang Studios! He’s like a gay porn tycoon! Butt hey Terry, did you know that you didn’t get there on your own? That you didn’t build that? That somebody else made that happen? That we succeed because we do things together? In regard to that last point, I suppose Mr. Gay Porn King Terry Bean would have to agree. Unclear on the other ones though.

Anyway, still awaiting the walk-back on this shout-out. Standby, I give it no more than 24 hours before old Terry is sent “packin.”

President Barack Obama rests his foot on a desk as he talks with Phil Schiliro,  assistant to the President for legislative affairs, in the Outer Oval Office, Oct.  29, 2009.   (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House. Barack Hussein Obama: Perfecting the Union since 2009

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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Your Lying Ears: And Don’t Talk About My Ears!

Is it official? Have we all collectively fallen down Alice’s rabbit hole?

generatorCaution: you are about to enter the spin zone

And here I thought that was just one of the Tea Party’s histrionic metaphors.

flag“Go ahead, it’s safe; see, there’s an American flag at the bottom.”

Butt how else do you explain the alternate universe we appear to have fallen into?

For example, yesterday Big Guy said that “under him people now have a new attitude toward America: And more confidence"?”

Really? because aside from the rest of the Big White minions who were already living in an alternate universe when they got here, I haven’t really noticed that – more confidence in America I mean.

And I couldn’t help butt notice the continued outbreak of jabberwocky surrounding Big Guy’s off-prompter “You didn’t do that” comment:

“Frankly, the other side can’t sell their ideas so what they’re going to do is distort my vision. Earlier today, Gov. Romney was at it again,” Obama said, according to the pool report. “Knowingly twisting my words to suggest I don’t value small business.”

“In politics, we all tolerate a certain amount of spin,” he added. “I understand those are the games that get played in political campaigns. Although, when folks like omit entire sentences of what you said, they start kind of splicing and dicing, you may have gone a little over the edge there.”

Allow me to translate that for you:

“I didn’t say what you say I said, unless you acknowledge that I said it, butt didn’t mean it. So let me make this perfectly clear. I’m all in with small business owners. As long as they agree to give back what they got – unfairly - from their government in the first place. And don’t even get me started on BIG business! We all know what SOB’s they are.”

Maybe I should just let BO explain this to you himself in Jabberwocky: in case you mis-misunderstood what you think you heard:

OBAMA: What I said was, we need to stand behind them, as America always has, by investing in education and training, roads and bridges.

Stop the tape. That’s not what he said in Roanoke. Here is what he said in Roanoke:

There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me — because they want to give something back. They know they didn’t — look, if you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own.

Boy, I think I know something that a lot of (formerly) successful Americans would like to “give back” just about now…

Still, it doesn’t end there. The alternate universe where reality is replaced with Obama-bonics seems to have settled in around some of our other leaders as well. It looks like Diane Feinstein has been sucked into the vortex too; yesterday she said:

I think the White House has to understand that some of this is coming from its ranks … I think they have to understand that and do something about it.”

After which she clarified that she did not mean what it sounded like she said…and in fact she didn’t really say:

I stated that I did not believe the president leaked classified information. I shouldn’t have speculated beyond that, because the fact of the matter is I don’t know the source of the leaks.

So there you go; those slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe!

Oh, and for those of you still interested in following along, Lady M was in Dayton yesterday, thrilling the local O-bots with her tales from the crypt:


mo all eyes

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!…”

And she addressed the crowd from her heart (the red one) explaining that she knew they shared her and BO’s vision for America:

What I remind people when I travel around, everywhere I go, we’re doing this because of the values we believe in -- our values.  We’re doing this because of the vision for this country that we all share.  We're doing this because we believe that everyone in this country should have a fair shot.

mo wrinkles and appliqueSharing our values as we sacrifice across the country

So farewell for now from the land of the Jabberwock, where failed economic theories repackaged as “social justice” are served up with a soup├žon of insouciance so as to disguise the thin gruel that it is.

I think Alice herself summed the Jabberwocks up pretty well:

It seems very pretty but it’s rather hard to understand!  Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don’t exactly know what they are!  However, somebody killed something: that’s clear, at any rate.”

Brillig, I tell you, absolutely brillig!

22-23 combined

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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Top 10 Reasons to Donate to WTF 2012. Warning: it’s adorable

Thank goodness we have something to talk about today besides this ad in the Washington Times:

Screenshot Studio capture #623Click to embiggen & see entire ad                (h/t: Charlie)

Don’t worry, it’s just another in an endless list of “Obama lies” so we can just ignore it too.

Instead, let’s talk about something Big Guy is totally comfortable with: fundraising (since that’s what he’ll be doing for the rest of the term week). Last night BO was forced to pull out the long knives and go after Romney. (I know, I know “if they bring a knife, you bring a gun” (h/t Rhambo the Magnificent), butt we’re just a little “gun shy” these days, given the current outrage. I mean the Dark Knight thing, not Fast and Furious.) He was just defending himself against Romney’s unfair attacks. Imagine someone using your own words against you, that is so…so, un-American. And probably racist. Here’s Big Guy’s re-direct:

"Frankly, the other side can't sell their ideas so what they're going to do is distort my vision. Earlier today, Gov. Romney was at it again," Obama said as the crowd booed. "Knowingly twisting my words to suggest I don’t value small business. In politics, we all tolerate a certain amount of spin. I understand those are the games that get played in political campaigns. Although, when folks like omit entire sentences of what you said, they start kind of splicing and dicing, you may have gone a little over the edge there. But there’s actually a real choice there."


one nation under obamaSo Choose Wisely, Weedhopper.         


Anyway, here’s Team Obama’s latest in a long list of reasons why you should give BO some (more) of your money:

Friend --

Want to celebrate President Obama's birthday with him -- at the Obamas' house in Chicago?

Donate $5 or whatever you can to be automatically entered today.


Obama for America

Paid for by Obama for America

Contributions or gifts to Obama for America are not tax deductible

This email was sent to:

Update address | Unsubscribe

And thank you, Obama for America, for such an adorable snapshot!
I think this latest beggin’ blast shows that our very expensive big brains have finally earned their keep.
120130_obama-cast-axelrod- jarret02_p465
Not cheap, butt they have really big brains
As Naked D.C. noted, this solicitation presents the best reason yet for spreading your wealth around; donate to Big Guy because “this picture is adorable.” (h/t: MOD, Gerard) Are you in?
Apparently Big Guy and Lady M find the Wee Wons so adorable  in this “typical American family” portrait that they decided to exploit use the innocent little pawns in their latest begging fund raising campaign. That is adorable!
And so what if this adorable picture was taken 8 years ago when the girls were, well, adorable, and they’ve now  reached that awkward “why-do-I-have-to-be-here-anyway-they’re-your-friends-not-mine”  stage.
HAPPY FAMILYhappy happy
mo girls pizza
A sentiment, BTW, that Mom can relate to:

mo-keeping-my-eye-on-you2mo bo tell me a story

As I reflect on it I’m thinking that the “adorable” pitch is actually a much better reason to donate than some of the others that the staff has been kicking around lately. See what you think; here are their top 10 reasons to  “Donate today:”

  • he saved the American economy,
  • he put everybody back to work,
  • he’s a surprisingly good bowler golfer pool player,
  • he let you keep your health care plan if you like it,
  • he kept a tight lid on our national security secrets,
  • he will have “more flexibility after the election,”
  • he personally capped Bin Laden,
  • he closed Guantanamo
  • he closed the borders
  • you want 4 more years of his crap benevolence

So, since I know you’re in, what’s your numero uno reason? Feel free to come up with new ones – we still need a lot of money!

bo nose22
BHO 2012: Because he’s so adorable

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Monday, July 23, 2012

It Takes Won to know One: we take our Wonsies on the Road

It’s official: Lady M is going to serve as the public face of Team Obama’s our new grass-roots mobilizing effort “It Takes One.”

Screenshot Studio capture #616

(Also available in our Spanish sub-titled version)

Screenshot Studio capture #619Did she just call “you people” toads !?

Maybe I’m reading too much into this urgent plea, butt it sounds to me like Lady M is suggesting that young couples - in addition to having their friends and family donate their wedding present to Team Obama – 


now spend their honeymoon soliciting votes for Big Guy too: 

Anxious to get started, prior to the impending Virginia crusade, Michelle taped and released an inspirational "It Takes One" video message.  Hoping to goad Obama supporters into action, Mrs. Obama opened the video reminiscing about her husband's first campaign for the Illinois legislature when, as mere newlyweds, Shelley and Barry "would take friends along" on romantic outings, where they would all "collect petition signatures to get Obama on the ballot."

I’m not so sure that will work as well for typical newlyweds as it did BO and MO. After all, not everyone is cut out to sacrifice the way the Wons have.

This new emphasis on the individual is an interesting twist in our campaign philosophy which, up till now, was more like Hillary’s “It takes a Village”storybook. And frankly it seems a bit counter-productive given Big Guy’s recent position that “you didn’t do that yourself.” Butt who am I to question our big brained campaign staff?

Screenshot Studio capture #621Who is that icon with the chart? A Doctor handing out the blue pills? “Just take one?”

Not exactly inspired signage, if you ask me. It reminds me way too much of those slippery floor warning signs:



(Also available in Spanish)


wet floor spanishNo piso-ing allowed

MO is just asking that everyone recruit one new volunteer, or one new voter to vote for BO in November:

“That one conversation you have, that one new volunteer you recruit, that could be the difference between waking up on Nov. 7 and feeling the promise of four more years or asking yourself, ‘Could I have done more?’”

That’s definitely a thought worth reflecting on.

Anyway, I guess this is just an extension of some of our previous “onesies” campaigns:

obama_onesieOnesies for baby (also available in Spanish)

obama_dogOnesies for Baracky

Butt since were talking about the WONsies, I should mention that there’s been another disturbing security leak: someone leaked information on Lady M’s up-till-now super-secret onesie containment system:

Life, time and gravity change your body...sometimes no matter how much you exercise or watch what you eat, it's hard to reverse the effects. Playtex have come up with the perfect solution to body blips with their new generation of active shapewear, which immediately shapes the figure and creates a visible reduction around the thighs, hips and waist.

It’s a miracle, for sure:

one size down“The underwear works using Acti-Mineral ceramic crystals that are woven into the fibers of the fabric.”

And they work great. When applied correctly.

whoops our spanx are showingspanx alert mobig_butt_thumb[2]

The worst part of this latest, huge security leak is that I’m afraid it means we’ve lost all moral authority with respect to the temple underwear controversy.

                                    lds_mormon_garments_magic_holy_underwear_garmentmagic pants

And now that August is right around the corner; you know - the month when everyone in Washington gets all wee-weed up -


I’m just going to go out on a limb and predict that we’re going to have to change our WONsies. Soon.


Now let’s get out there and win WON for the Gipper!

ogt_aamilnequoteWhen I was WON I had just begun

Butt there’s no point wandering around the forest, or beating around the “Bush” – let’s just get right to the point:

it takes won copy

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