Saturday, April 7, 2012

Heating up our voting blocks: Jews, Girls, Greenies and more.

*Sigh* Some people will complain about anything:

p040612ps-0344smallrezBig Guy’s Seder Dinner last night

“One of the most disturbing aspects of modern American Jewish life is the almost obsessive desire of many Jews to universalize every aspect of Jewish belief while downplaying the original meanings of customs and ritual. Leftist Rabbi Arthur Waskow help set this in motion decades ago with his “Freedom Seder” in which he hijacked the Haggadah recited by Jews on Passover to promote other causes. Since then, transposing the seder in order to morph the Jewish holiday that celebrates the freedom of the Jewish people into something that has nothing to do with the Jews and Judaism has become so commonplace it is something of a cliché.”

As if Big Guy would use his Passover message to politicize anything. Just because we’re in the middle of the most important reelection campaign in the history of the world:

The story of the Exodus is thousands of years old, but it remains as relevant as ever. Throughout our history, there are those who have targeted the Jewish people for harm - a fact we were so painfully reminded of just a few weeks ago in Toulouse. Just as throughout history, there have been those who have sought to oppress others because of their faith, ethnicity or color of their skin…

There was no mention of the son Big Guy never had, butt he was clearly on his mind:

Once we have passed from bondage to liberty, how do we make the most of all that God has given us? This question may never be resolved, but throughout the years, the search for answers has deepened the Jewish people's commitment to repairing the world, and inspired American Jews to help make our union more perfect. And the story of that first Exodus has also inspired those who are not Jewish with common hopes, and a common sense of obligation.

Ed Schapiro tells us to get out our de-coder rings for this one:

The key phrase here is “make our union more perfect.” Obama typically uses that phrase when discussing racial divisions in America. His famous race speech in 2008 in which he threw Jeremiah Wright under the bus, for example, was titled,A More Perfect Union.”

Butt I wouldn’t get too excited about Big Guy “politicizing” Passover. It’s not as if the Jews have been singled out as an “interest group” that he’s courting for reelection. Anymore than women were being targeted yesterday at Big Guy’s Big White Forum on Women and the Economy.

bo-the-oceans-will-recede_thumb1“Vote for me and the oceans will recede, your contraceptives will be paid for and dry cleaners will no longer be allowed to charge more for blouses than men’s shirts.”

No. It’s just that our historical, most ecumenical president ever, celebrates the holidays of all religions of the world, in HOPE of picking up a few more votes along the way. It’s really non-partisan. See for yourself:

 Past Passovers:

bo seder 2011Could I get a little bacon in my matzo ball soup?

 Hanukah,

bo mo hanukkah

 Ramadan, of course; here, here and here:

bo iftar

Christmas:President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama pose for a formal portrait in front of the official White House Christmas Tree in the Blue Room of the White House, Dec. 6, 2009. (Official White House Photo by Lawrence Jackson)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House. 
Our First Big White Christmas

Kwanzaa:

“Michelle and I extend our warmest thoughts and wishes to all those who are celebrating Kwanzaa this holiday season. Today is the first of a joyful seven-day celebration of African-American culture and heritage. The seven principles of Kwanzaa — Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Work and Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity and Faith — are some of the very values that make us Americans.”

That part about “collective work and responsibility” – not really all that American though. Unless you’re a member of the Symbionese Liberation Army.

patty-hearst

The SLS should not to be confused with the New Black Panther Party,

newblackpantherparty

also an offshoot of the original Black Liberation Army, butt whose holidays we don’t officially celebrate.

Easter:

bunny hop

which we’ve celebrated every year we’ve been here. (Although there was that one year when things didn’t go so well. Warning: very scary.)

Spring Roll Run-through: with Peeps

Diwali (Hindu/Sikh Festival of lights),

r-OBAMA-DIWALI-large570

…once even traveling all the way to India with Lady M to celebrate the Festival of Lights with the a group of local dancers:

uh uh wrinkle alert

Festivus (the Festival of Grievances and Feats of Strength):

mo mean madnob hill fundraiser

We’ve pretty much been airing our grievances and flexing our muscles since we got here.

Thermo (high holy day of the religion of Thermology*)

dufus and gufus

*Thermology. A godless religion that worships environmentalism and rails against the satanic forces of industry and capitalism. The religion is based on the(unsubstantiated) belief that earth achieved its ideal temperature in 1906 and has been rising,to our detriment, ever since. Adherents of the religion are required to accept this basic premise on faith and do whatever is necessary to reduce Earth’s fever so as to return it to the pristine state of the Belle Époque. Once that ideal state has been attained, it is mankind’s responsibility to maintain earth’s perfect temperature in perpetuity. 

The Church of Thermology (aka the Church of Immaculate Deception) requires its members to participate in cleansing and purification rituals that include the rejection of the evil  element carbon, while simultaneously embracing Whole Foods, Priuses and South American dictators.

thumb-Nat_Post_Al_Gore

So tomorrow, in another show of ecumenism, the Wons are off to the Christian church of their choice (TBD) to celebrate the Resurrection of Global Warming. Even though it looked as though it was all a big hoax, it has mysteriously risen from the dead.

Just a point of clarification: no one in the Administration practices and/or celebrates any aspect of the Voodoo religion.

voodoo

Friday, April 6, 2012

Code Pink! And Yellow! And Green!

I’m pleased to report that there is no tape of Lady M receiving a petition from Code Pink rep Karen Hull in San Fran last Friday. Code Pink Slime founder Medea Benjamin claims that MO “thanked her for her advocacy” and told her to “keep up the good work” when she handed her the “petition urging peacekeeping not war with Iran — a document signed by luminaries like Gloria Steinham, Alice Walker and Eve Ensler.” 

untitledCode Pink Slime, keeping up the good work

Our official pool reporter was not in the room at the time of the alleged incident because, as you know, they’re only allowed into fundraisers for the actual delivery of remarks that have been preloaded onto TOTUS Won or TOTUS Too and then made available to the press. Therefore we have no impartial press confirmation of this incident, thank goodness. I can tell you only that Code Pink was there, and the rest is nothing more than a big Pink lie.

Big Guy was busy hitting the cash register yesterday too, butt not before stopping by for an egg McMuffin and a blessing at our annual Easter Prayer breakfast. After promising that he was “not going to stand up here and give a sermon” he gave a sermon. It was short though because this is the one area where he’s not an expert.

bo's prayer breakfastDid you guy’s hear the one about Pontius Pilate’s Supreme Court decision?

Which didn’t stop him from giving personal testimony to his Christian belief in Easter:

There are times where we have questions for God’s plan relative to us -- (laughter) -- but that’s precisely when we should remember Christ’s own doubts and eventually his own triumph.  Jesus told us as much in the book of John, when He said, “In this world you will have trouble.”  I heard an amen.  (Laughter.)  

whitehouse lightening strike

Amen, brother

Butt on to today’s agenda: Big Guy’s holding a Forum for Women at the Big White. He loves women. All women. Especially the ones that love him back at the polling place.

In fact he loves the women’s vote so much, he’s gone on record saying he thinks the Augusta Golf Club should change its stupid membership rules and admit women as members. The Augusta National Golf Club which is hosting the high-profile Masters tournament this week, so we thought it would be a good opportunity to weigh in on the weighty matter.

According to Jay Jay, Big Guy “believes Augusta should admit women. We’re kinda long past the time when women should be excluded from anything,”

obama clinton…other than the Democratic Presidential ticket

Anyway, Big Guy’s already drawn up a new Executive Order. It will declare a ban on the sale or use of golf balls at any golf club that does not admit women. Such sexist policies (part of the Republican War on Women) have been shown to have a deleterious effect on women golfer’s self esteem resulting in anxiety and depression that forces women to seek medical treatment and the use of prescription drugs. Since this drives up the cost of health care for everyone, it places this violation of human rights under the auspices of the Commerce Clause provisions of Obamacare.

Also, AG Ricky Holder is preparing a lawsuit charging the Augusta Golf Club with racial hatred for holding it’s annual “Massa’s Tournament” - a clear reference to the South's history of slavery and Jim Crow laws. Additionally, the tournament features an all male field competing for a green jacket - here symbolizing the almighty dollar, not clean, economic alternative energy. The jacket is an emblem of membership in the elite 1% club, the very bastion of this country’s ongoing racial discrimination.

So how’s that for an election year twofer? A big thumbs up for women, a big thumbs down for the racist greedy rich.

If he wanted to go for a hat trick, Big Guy could have weighed in on ex-mayor Marion Barry’s “misstatement” about “Dirty Asians” too.

“We got to do something about these Asians coming in and opening up businesses and dirty shops,” Barry said on Tuesday night, according to video posted by WRC-TV/NBC4. “They ought to go. I’m going to say that right now. But we need African-American businesspeople to be able to take their places, too.”

Butt I guess two was enough for one week, we’re holding back for later in the month. Big Guy doesn’t personally know that many Asians and that will give him time to find one (preferably female, otherwise we would have made do with Stephen Chu) to call personally in order to offer his support. And to express his disappointment that she’s been the subject of inappropriate personal attacks. And to thank her for exercising her rights as a citizen to speak out on an issue of public policy.

Unfortunately though if Big Guy had a son, he surely wouldn’t look like any of them.

bo golf3tiger2

Unless, of course, his son had a tiger Mom:

calvin_tiger 

Whoa Nelly! Is that Tiger in a green “Massa’s” jacket?!!

tiger woods in Masters green jacketthumbs up bo

Winning?!!

In an unrelated press release, we just announced this year’s official Easter egg colors for our egg roll on Monday: Code Pink, Asian Yellow and OWS Green.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

You Look Mahvelous, Dahling!

Lady M was at Walter Reed’s Fisher House yesterday to launch her Month of the Military Child in her fuzzy yellow baby chicks mini-me sweater.

mo walter reed

I sure HOPE there aren’t any real baby chicks in those Spring Holiday baskets:

BABY CHICK

And because it’s all about the children, she made Little Bo tag along.

bo abuseThis is surely some kind of animal abuse; and the Easter Bunny lobby is none too happy either. 

Butt I think you’ll agree with me, Lady M looks marvelous!

mo's smile up close

Which is something you can say about Lady M, butt you can’t say about Paul Ryan’s irresponsible budget – at least not if you are Mitt Romney. Here’s Big Guy, schooling the Mittster on the proper use of rhetoric:

"He said that he's "very supportive" of this new budget, and he even called it 'marvelous,'" Obama told a group of news editors. "Which is a word you don't often hear when it comes to describing a budget.

"It's a word you don't often hear generally," Obama added.

Unless of course you’re talking about truly marvelous things. Like Lady M:

 "I think [Lady M] is somebody who they can identify with because she's had to balance a lot of different issues. So she's doing a marvelous job. I'm very, very proud of her." – Big Guy, July 5, 2009.

Or Chile:

"Indeed, our marvelous surroundings today, just steps from where Chile lost its democracy decades ago, is a testament to Chile's progress and its undying democratic spirit." – Big Guy, March 21, 2011.

Or Big Guy’s personal fave - oratory:

"It is right for us to celebrate Dr. King's marvelous oratory, but it is worth remembering that progress did not come from words alone." – Big Guy, Oct. 16, 2011.

Butt I think Big Guy’s right: who calls a budget that shrinks the size of government in the process of reducing the federal deficit “marvelous?” Who talks like that? Do we really want a President who says such weird and uncool stuff? 

bo no more sour balls  Like talking about “an unelected group of people” you mean?

Butt let me be clear, if anybody’s budget could be described as “marvelous” it would be Big Guy’s; after all, his budget is extraordinarily robust. It fundamentally transforms America to a permanent debtor nation by growing your children’s debt at an unprecedented rate. Make no mistake: this transformation isn’t going to be easy. Butt we can do it. Yes we can!

Or at least we could if we can get anyone to actually vote for Big Guy’s budget.

yeswecan300pxPreserving traditions. Like separation of powers?

By contrast, the Ryan budget that Romney thinks is “marvelous” is actually quite disrespectful of all the good work Big Guy’s done for the country so far. In fact, it seems to me as though it’s a bit dismissive, even derisive.

I don’t know how anyone could expect to win with rhetoric like that. Really Bush league, if you know what I mean.

miss-me-yet-jefferson-neocon-bush-sucks-political-poster-1280316408

Anyhoo, don’t worry about our WTF campaign for 2012. As of today, everything is looking simply mahvelous, dahling!

bo-nothing better anyway-FINAL copyBarry: Because there’s nothing better anyway

Got to run now; I’m getting ready for the special Big White screening of the re-release of “To Kill a Mockingbird” this afternoon. Boy, where would we be without our Hollywood cabal?

billy crystalWhoa! Is that Billy in black face!!?!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Biggest Losers to the left. Ignoramuses, further left.

Now is the moment the oceans were to begin to recede and the planet was to begin to heal! And now, to convince you that it’s happening as planned, it’s time to unleash our dogs enlist our Media campaign advance team to get the word out.

NBC was first to step up to the plate, showcasing Lady M’s good wishes and best intents for the health of the little people. They found a way to also displaying her amazing athletic abilities in a “Biggest Losers” two-part special, part one of which debuted this week. It’s been hyped for over 3 weeks now, so we’re really getting our “money’s worth" out of this in-kind campaign contribution.

et_biggestloserclip_091028_largeBiggest Losers “harvesting” veggies from Lady M’s Garden of Good and Evil

Lady M was on hand at the Big White to welcome America’s Biggest Losers, after their total makeovers:

NUP_148638_1431.JPG

something she’s done often:

michelle-obama-red-dress-100209-de-49830699

And even though we taped the work out in the East Room weeks ago, it’s half time in America, people: or at least half time in America’s Biggest Loser Race. We have to wait until next week to catch NBC’s complete, spectacular footage of Lady M working it with the remaining losers in the East Room (you may remember our embargoed photos from this unprecedented workout).

NUP_148638_1826.JPG

Meanwhile at a luncheon across town Chairman of the Associated Press, Dean Singleton, was on assignment, introducing Big Guy. For some reason Dean felt it necessary to go beyond the customary press suck-up and essentially gave Big Guy’s whole campaign speech for him! Sans TOTUS! This guy’s good.

I think Dean just felt really bad for BO because of the historically disrespectful and unprecedented harsh treatment demonstrated by 5th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Jerry Smith towards BO, his Attorney General and his entire DOJ. Talk about acting stupidly!

branches of govt                              Constitutional Law for Dummies     h/t Gateway Pundit

Judge Smith even handed out a homework assignment for the dummy:

“I will not throw spitballs at the Supreme Court… Repeat this statement fifty more times, President Obama, single-spaced, on three pages, by Thursday.”

Anyway, whether it was Judge Smith’s request, or something else, Big Guy did take yesterday’s presser as an opportunity to walk his comments back a little:

And the point I was making is that the Supreme Court is the final say on our Constitution and our laws, and all of us have to respect it, but it’s precisely because of that extraordinary power that the Court has traditionally exercised significant restraint and deference to our duly elected legislature, our Congress.  And so the burden is on those who would overturn a law like this. [ed. some feel that the burden is on the legislators to pass laws that conform to the Constitution, butt I reserve that discussion for another day.]

Despite the nice intro, you can tell Big Guy still wasn’t very happy to be there.

bo's smile upside down

christine lagarde listens to bo

We’ve got that smile turned upside down again! Which seems to amuse IMF Managing Director, Christine Lagarde:

“The French have a word for people like you, Mon Chéri,charlatan – I believe it means the same in English, non?”

And believe me - Ms. Lagarde knows a thing or two about charlatans.

 

 

Anyway, to shore things up on the home front, and since he had half the press corps in the room, Big Guy went on to instruct them on how to properly frame his arguments in future reportage:

"This bears on your reporting," President Obama said to journalists. "I think that there is oftentimes the impulse to suggest that if the two parties are disagreeing then they're equally at fault and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. And an equivalence is presented which I think reinforces peoples' cynicism about Washington in general. This is not one of those situations where there's an equivalency."

 
"As all of you are doing your reporting, I think it's important to remember that the positions that I am taking now on the budget and a host of other issues. if we had been having this discussion 20 years ago or even 15 years ago … would've been considered squarely centrist positions,"

Wow! I don’t know about in constitutional law, butt I do know that in any lower court that’s what’s known as a leading question.

According to Steven Hayward, the curriculum of Big Guy’s constitutional law course at the University of Chicago

…dealt exclusively with the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment—the favorite, all-purpose clause for liberal jurists to use to right wrongs and make us more equal by judicial fiat.  There is no evidence that Obama ever taught courses that considered other aspects of constitutionalism, such as executive power, the separation of powers, the Commerce Clause, or judicial review itself.

And it appears, according to Mr. Haywood that Big Guy has always been a big proponent of leading questions, as illustrated in one of his final exam questions from his class on constitutional law:

I have a copy of one of his final exams.  It is a long hypothetical involving civil rights, which begins thus:

“In part, Hardsville’s racial isolation is the result of white flight and the limited economic means at the disposal of the black community.  It is also well documented, however, that Hardsville’s racial isolation arose in part due to decisions by a white-controlled city government prior to the seventies that were purposely discriminatory.”

You would have to be an ignoramus not to be able to figure out what the wright right answer to this question from Professor Obama is.

Let’s hope the press corpse is at least as smart as his constitutional law students were.

Oh, and just for the record: Detroit got 100% on that test, butt still hasn’t figured out the right answer.

 

detroit ruin

Detroit: I give it an A-

Linked By: NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Don’t take my Obamacare away: I need to cure my cam-PAINs

It’s not your imagination. Our Public Enemies list is growing. Most recent addition: the Supremes. Not that this is the first time Big Guy’s had to treat them as hostile witnesses. As you recall, he had to scold them at the SOTU address in 2010 after they acted stupidly and threw out portions of the campaign financing law making it harder for us to WTF:

"Last week, the Supreme Court reversed a century of law to open the floodgates for special interests — including foreign corporations — to spend without limit in our elections." Obama said. "Well I don’t think American elections should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests, or worse, by foreign entities.”

alito sotuJustices Roberts, Kennedy, front. Justice Alito behind, next to the wise Latina

Although, if you’re concerned with foreign donations, I understand all you have to do is follow the dots. All the dots. Either that or don’t disable the Address Verification System when you accept credit card donations.

Butt this time Big Guy pre-scolded the court, in case they were even thinking about overturning his eponymous Obamacare bill:

"For years, what we've heard is the biggest problem on the bench was judicial activism or the lack of judicial restraint, that an unelected group of people would somehow overturn a duly constituted and passed law," he said at a news conference. The health-care case is a good example of just that, he said. "And I'm pretty confident that this court will recognize that and not take that step."

Some wonder if he got a hint of which way the wind was blowing after the secret vote last Friday. Although there has never been a leak of that kind in the past, so that’s unlikely. It would be historic if there was.

kagan sotomayor

So, a wise Latina lawyer, a wise ACLU lawyer and a butch Solicitor General walk into a gay bar…

Besides, I don’t see how we could be in trouble with, as Lady M has reminded us in her last 25 campaign stops, with Big Guy’s brilliant appointees on the court:

“And let’s not forget how my husband appointed those two brilliant Supreme Court justices. And let’s not forget how, for the first time in history, our daughters and our sons watched three women take their seats on our nation’s highest court. And we are now feeling the impact of those court decisions and what effect that will have on our children’s lives for decades to come —”

So we’ve got that going for us.

I did find Big Guy’s comments odd though. Not that he called the Justices out - I’ve come to expect that – butt odd that this time he’s threatening to scold them if they refuse to obey his royal decree uphold his law. Because with the Campaign Finance Act, they actually upheld the law; just rejecting the unconstitutional parts. Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No wonder Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg is hanging her head in shame.

ruth ginsberg

Butt never mind all that, I have some real news. Lady M just made the "All-TIME" 100 Fashion Icons list!

Broken down into the categories of Designers/Brands, Models, Muses, Photographers and Editors/Stylists--the list includes everyone from Coco Chanel to photographer Richard Avedon.

No-brainers like the FLOTUS Michelle Obama, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Robin Givhan, Josephine Baker, Micheal Jackson and supermodels Iman, Naomi Campbell and Beverly Johnson were also highlighted.

oh sweet motherRobinGivens1

Two of TIME’s “no-brainers”

naomi-campbell-community-service

And another of the “no-brainers” performing civic duty after a conviction for assault and battery (Naomi)

Although it appears that despite the inclusions of these “no-brainers” of color on the list, as usual, it’s racist:

However, we have to agree with our ladies over at Huff Post Style that the list is definitely lacking some diversity and that fashion aficionado Andre Leon Talley and model-cum-mogul Tyra Banks are just two of the major fashion players who were robbed from a spot on the rooster.

We also noticed that there were no black designers/brands mentioned, which is a bit shocking since legendary designer Stephen Burrows seems like an obvious shoe-in after helping to put American fashion on the map (even child actors-turned-fashion designers Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen made the cut).

And still, other women, although not technically of color butt brilliant never-the-less, did NOT make TIME’s list of fashion icons:

110913_new_sotomayor_kagan_ap_328

Maybe next time they’ll ask the children who should be on the list, because we all know that children possess uncanny powers of perception that often elude their wiser elders. As Lady M just told some of our San Francisco donors last week:

I mean, I can’t tell you in the last election how many grandparents I ran into who said, I wasn’t going to vote for Barack Obama until my grandson talked to me, until my great-grandson talked to me, and talked about the future he wanted for this country.

You can get out there with your parents. You guys can knock on doors. I had one young lady who brought me a petition — she’s already working. You can convince wrong people. Sometimes we don’t listen to ourselves, but we will listen to our children.

Butt rest well, as Breitbart pointed out, this time around Chicago Rules apply so all those grandparents and great grandparents are likely to be voting for Big Guy –

I_Voted_Corpse

even if they need a little help getting to the polls.

P.S. Don’t forget: today is the last day to vote for the Conservative Moms to defeat the Prog Moms: Top 25 Political Moms 2012. Remember, you can vote for as many of the conservative moms as you want (you’ll recognize a lot of them from my sidebar).  It’s close, so every vote counts – butt only once from each IP address.

I’m going to scurry down to Starbucks to vote again. And then maybe on to Panera…