From MilFams to OFams

Did you see that Big Guy’s little half-sister wrote a book? She stole the idea from Big Guy. It’s a children’s book called Ladder to the Moon (which she stole from Georgia O’Keefe); and no, it’s not about Big Guy, butt Big Guy’s mother: Granny Stanley Ann Dunham Obama Soetoro.

Auntie Maya with her new book, and Georgia O’Keefe’s “Escalera a la Luna”

The illustrations don’t really look much like Granny-Obama-Soetero.

I guess that in these difficult economic times, you need to keep an eye on marketability; and let’s face it, there just aren’t that many kids out there who have a white radical leftist grandmother from Kansas who turned into a cultural Marxist anthropologist married to an African and an Indonesian. (At different times of course – she wasn’t a Mormon. Although I guess there are still some questions about whether she was ever actually married/divorced to/from Barack H. Obama Sr. Like all other paper documents containing the word “Obama” they seem to have vanished.)

So anyway, for illustrating the story it looks like Auntie Maya and her illustrator, Yuyi Morales, went with a more ethnic look for Granny Stann, something more like Granny Morales. I think Granny Stann would have liked that.

Since there’s not too much going on this weekend, it gave me an idea:why don’t we just play around with a little Obama family history.

Here is Big Guy with his little sister Maya: (who told Today’s Al Roker, and any one else who would listen, that the birther case is closed: she can categorically state that Big Guy was born in Hawaii. Although I don’t know how she’d know, being a little sister and all).

Big Guy and little sis, back in the day

…and with Mom…on your LEFT

Let’s start with some simple family genetics: Big Guy does look like his mother:

Paternal genetics are not quite as clear, which may or may not have something to do with the missing authentic “Record of Live Birth.”

Most say that Barack Hussein Obama Sr. is the father of Barack Hussein Obama Jr.. Others contend that the real birth father was Frank Marshall Davis, a fellow traveler  who became young Barack’s political,material and spiritual advisor and mentor.

Physical similarity is inconclusive in the daddy sweepstakes:

Let’s see : Daddy candidate #1, BHO Sr., had an advanced degree in Economics from Harvard, and a substance abuse problem. Daddy candidate #2 was a journalist, poet and labor activist. Still too close to call.

Although genetics may not mean all that much. After all Mom, Stanley Ann,  got a B.A. in mathematics before going on to become a world famous anthropologist. And according to Eric Bolling, Big Guy doesn’t even know how to add:

BOLLING: Well, there is a little bit fuzzy about that math, here's why -- $38.5 billion times 12 comes out to only $462 billion. I'm not sure how Mr. Obama came up with $750 billion. Fuzzy math I guess.

The fuzzy math syndrome does auger towards BHO Sr as the paternal sperm donor, as standard math is not a requirement for an advanced degree in economics (proof here). Then again, what does a poet need with arithmetic?

Well, we’re not going to settle this controversy today. We’ll leave that up to The Donald. Maybe he can find the long form BC and put this controversy to bed once and for all. Maybe, he can even find the missing legal documents making the name change from Barry Soetoro back to BHO, after Lolo’s Indonesian adoption. Hey, that might just solve that fishy Social Security number mess. Or, maybe it will just open another juicy can of worms. I’m glad The Donald is doing that and not me, but don’t worry - I’ll never shirk a good Big White story should one come along.

All I can tell you is that Lady M used to like Auntie Maya a lot because, although she does have that to-die-for Asian hair that normally turns Lady M kind of greeninsh, she did always make Lady M’s butt look small.

Hawaii visit before the Inauguration left, First State Dinner, right, evening visit to the Lincoln monument last year, below, before Big Guy had to save the day by passing the huge budget compromise to keep it open for tourists.

If Maya Soetoro Ng wants to stay in good graces around here, I’d just advise her to stay away from Lady M’s low fat organic vegetable diet. If she gets skinny, she’ll find herself persona non grata around here so fast, her book might fall right off the best seller’s list.

Keep up the good work, Maya!