Thursday, September 6, 2012

Big Dawg Marks his Territory: Nutz, Sluts and Butts

Apparently Big Guy was in favor of rejecting God and Jerusalem before he was against it.  Still, the timing of the CHANGE-it-back move was not inspired. I mean, who needs the optic of half the DNC booing God? Three times! Sort of like Simon Peter.

God-Haters-Dems-Put-God-Back-In-Platform-As-Crowd-BOOS-DecisionEither make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by [his] fruit.
O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
                                                   H/T Matthew 12:33, 34 and Wreckless Faith

My informal polling indicates that smacking down God and Israel still doesn’t play well anywhere in fly-over.

Butt other than that, this week’s DNC has been a spectacular venue for displaying BO’s ideas for America. So far I’ve sorted all the ideas and the speakers into 3 buckets: Nutz, Sluts and Butts. I’m certain you can sort through and create your own bucket lists. Just be a little careful. While Bill Clinton was marking his territory he might have peed in Big Guy’s bucket.

Big Dawg Marks his territory copyBig Dawg marks his territory, while supporting Big Guy 1000%

Just as a reminder, here are some of the prominent voices to select from: Little Debbie, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Jimmy Carter, Rosa DeLauro, Rahmbo Emmanuel, Sandra Fluke (still rhymes with duck) Elizabeth Warren, Lady M and Bubba; with Joey B, Big Guy and maybe some surprise guests still to come!

star wars barJamming with the DNC’s roster of Star War speakers in the bar

Let us pray – at least I think I can still say that. I’m pretty sure it’s not racist, butt I remain unclear on what our official position is on blatantly deist statements.

Anyway, I’m just glad yesterday is over. I swear, if I have to listen to one more shrill Democratic Woman (yes, that includes you, too, Boo-rock!) preach about contraceptives, equal pay, “choice”  and why we’re all in this mess together that we didn’t build, I’m going to unplug my motherboard.

And regarding the scuttlebutt on tonight’s line up, I’ve heard it includes secret guests Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman and Kerry Washington. I think they’re intended to respond to Clint Eastwood’s role at last week’s RNC. That makes sense: 3 empty heads to fill 3 empty chairs. And they do fit our target demographic: black, white, young and dumb.

3-stars on stage dnc& WON-ht copyWe had to do something to fill all those empty chairs

Anyway, here’s a brief recap of the highpoints from Sandy’s rebuttal to the RNC’s War on Wimin (plural of DNC approved term “womyn”). Well, okay, there really weren’t any highlights, butt Sandra Fluke did effectively reprise John Edward’s (who?) “two Americas” theme.

sandra flukeOur  brave “young” coed, taking her fashion cues from our iconic FLOTUS

One America where the government pays for all your contraceptives and sex aides; and one where you’re left to your own devices to secure that basic human right. One America where bullies like Rush Limbaugh are free to pick on “reproductive rights activists studying to become a big time lawyer-advocate with a TV gig;” and one where your adversaries are silenced by a more sensitive, nurturing government agency. One America where pregnant women have a choice whether to deliver their late-term babies or not, and one where Paul Ryan will let pregnant women die in the emergency room (somebody’s channeling her inner Nancy Pelosi!).

Carried as part of the primetime lineup, the speech by contraception activist Fluke struck another dagger in the heart of the Republican’s War on Wimin. And it also inspired a whole new line of capitalist pig products.

H/T and apologies to Two Buck Chuck2 BUCK FLUKE-goes downEach bottle comes with it’s own official DNC 2012 memorial condom

By all accounts, the dual purpose “Two Buck Fluke” is flying off the shelves around town. Why? Because unlike the Republicans, Democrats understand the dynamics of the American voting process:

H/T Mommy Lifesluts%20vote  And we really understand our demographics.

Oh, I almost forgot! I didn’t get to post a picture of the lovely frock that Lady M wore to yesterday’s luncheon hosted by the Human Rights Campaign and Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund (i.e. money for our reelection party and another super “importan” demographic). I think you’ll like it, butt it might require a bit of reupholstering before our next outing.

upholstered butt 

NOTE: in case you missed it, I filed a late update on Bubba’s speech, “Too Clever by Half?,” butt if you missed it, it was just Big Dawg marking his territory:

clinton bows2Big Dawg bows to “No One” (h/t: Clint Eastwood)

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and, Moonbattery, and Susan Haymon on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!