Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Hoo-ray for Hollywood! We Nailed it!

Where do you turn for inspiration once you remove God from the picture? There’s only one place: Hollywood, of course!

mos stars Hollywood: Where stars are born

Some people say the Reagan’s started the trend towards “Hollywooding”  D.C. butt while Ronnie and Nancy were from Hollywood, they were not OF Hollywood. They brought a certain glamour to the presidency,  butt the honor of bringing the trappings of Hollywood belongs to Bill and Hill. They’re the ones who first brought in the scene setters, the script writers the makeup artists and the acting coaches. They were sent packing during the Bush years, only to reappear with the arrival of the Wons.

And they are back with a vengeance. It’s been surprising just how much time they spent with Lady M; the acting coaches, the speech coaches, media consultants, the emotive therapists, makeup consultants, wardrobe consultants and hair stylists. After months of intensive training they took her show out of town for the test runs. There have been dozens of off-Broadway rehearsals around the country at fundraiser after fundraiser. It’s been brutal. Especially the  last 4 weeks as they really put MO through her paces in order to get this show ready for prime time.

They worked on everything: the timing, the awkward phrasing, the strangely stilted cadence and South Chicago twang. And aside from a few “schtruggles” that Lady M’s teeth just can’t seem to work their way around, they did a most remarkable job! Which is critical in this business where how you say something is far more important than what you say.

So the professional Hollywood O-Team took the political speech writer’s script (which generally doesn’t need much further embellishment) and spun it into a confection of magical fantasy that would dazzle even the most jaded audience!

mo prays2mo mama knows bestmo profile

The script even included a plausible explanation for why people might have thought at one time that Lady M was “angry.”

Our life before moving to Washington was filled with simple joys . Saturdays at soccer games, Sundays at grandma's house.and a date night for Barack and me was either dinner or a movie, because as an exhausted mom, I couldn't stay awake for both.

And the truth is, I loved the life we had built for our girls . I deeply loved the man I had built that life with . and I didn't want that to change if he became president.

I loved Barack just the way he was.

And she really didn’t want anything to CHANGE in her life. See, she was just protecting her family – who doesn’t get that? Butt now that she realizes that all her sacrificin’' for the American people is worth it (future book deals, her own TV show, etc), she’s not angry any more. Got that, buddy?!

mo mad

And  wow! All the magic came together last night in a triumph of Hollywood Imagineering over reality!

mo43MO: too big to fail

mo buttAnd when I say too big to fail I mean, literally, too big to fail.

Oh, I’m not saying the whole speech was made up. Like Big Guy’s autobiography, Lady M’s speech was a composite, based on a true story. Butt by the time the screen writers were finished “enhancing” it you would have thought it was Love Story all over again (although I guess that didn’t work out very well in the end, either in the movie or the real life love story of Al and Tipper that it was “based” on).

Anyway, the final script had Big Guy dumpster diving, driving a rusted out old car and wearing shoes that didn’t fit. And his typical white grandmother, the smartest person in the room - I guess it runs in the family - being passed over for promotions at the Big Bank in favor of white guys who were stupider even though they were better educated.

And that’s where Big Government comes in. Government is the only way to get people like BO a pair of shoes big enough to fit, and get grandma that promotion she so richly deserved and  get Michelle’s family something better than a walk up flat in South Chicago. Only Government can pass legislation requiring it, funding it and taxing the rich in order to pay for it. In fact, I think that’s a pretty good summary of the Democratic Platform.

And in case there’s anyone out there who still doesn’t believe that government is the most important aspect of your life, I suggest you go back and listen to Mayor Julian Castro’s speech. He’s one of the two political Castro twins from Texas (brother Joaquin is running for Congress on his good looks and poor upbringing too).

castro brothers julian and joaquin2The Castro boys: don’t be fooled by the red and blue ties, they’re both Dems

They were raised (more or less fatherless since mom never married and dad left them) in San Antonio by Mom and Grandma (who apparently never married either; not that there’s anything wrong with that). Their story: they never would have had food to eat, shoes to wear, or been able to go to great schools like Stanford and Harvard to earn their law degrees if it weren’t for Big Government. Heartwarming, really. And vaguely familiar. Oh – and did I mention that Mom is a community organizer? And a founding member of La Raza? Just thought you’d like to know.

Butt back to Lady M’s outstanding speech where, like all good wives, she humanized her husband and explained that he really doesn’t have an enemies list, he loves everybody:

“I love that for Barack, there is no such thing as "us" and "them" — he doesn't care whether you're a Democrat, a Republican, or none of the above. He knows that we all love our country. And he's always ready to listen to good ideas.”

bo-finger As Lady M said: the Presidency does “reveal who you are.”

So let me just summarize the rest of Lady M’s speech which if you want you can read here,  or, if your trying to lose your appetite, watch here. Lady M “deeply loves” Boo-rock (and vice versa), the American people are very lucky to have him as their Messiah in this godless world, yada yada yada.

In short, Lady M’s speech was really something! And it should have been; she’s been working on it for 3 1/2 years; all those fundraisers finally paid off.

mo prays2mo profile

Oh, and her frock was lovely too:

mo's frock dnc

I think it was a Speedo by Tracy Reese.

And it didn’t always move as gracefully as Lady M herself:

mo's grace“Static cling alert in Aisle 1”

After watching this performance I’m not sure if I’m better off now than I was 4 years ago, butt I can tell you this: Lady M is definitely better off now than she was 4 years ago.


mo pink rearmo going

At least our shoes match something now.

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