NOTE: This is the fourth in a series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews I’ve been able to arrange with “Deep Quote,” aka, “Molsterman,” (aka “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community). This week we find him operating under cover at the Department of State.
MOTUS: Molsterman, what are you doing over at State?
DQ: My experience at Justice with the “guns gone missing” probe for Univision made me a natural for digging into this Libyan mess.
MOTUS: What does the “guns gone missing” theory of Fast and Furious have to do with Benghazi?
DQ: Your kidding, right? Missing weapons have become a central theme in the Amateur’s administration; give them to bad guys, let them do their dirty deeds then blame it on the bitter clingers.
MOTUS: Right. I get the Fast and Furious modus operandi, butt what do bitter clingers have to do with our dead Ambassador and the Navy Seals?
DQ: Sheeze, MOTUS! Can’t you connect the dots yet? It’s the same game, only with higher stakes. Only this time the “bitter clingers” were going to be painted as the supporters of the evil dictators. We gave all sorts of heavy armaments to the Libyan rebels to overthrow Gadhafi so Big Guy would be hailed as a hero for ridding the world of evil dictators, all while leading from behind and not putting any boots on the ground.
Only one problem. It didn’t work out so well. Not only did those “rebels” start using our shoulder mounted rocket launchers for unapproved terrorist attacks,
but the leaders replacing the evil dictators are less, uh, “moderate” than Big Guy had hoped they would appear to be. In reality both the Egyptian and Libyan regimes are a lot more “al Qaeda” than Magna Carta. And they can’t even control their own terrorists.
MOTUS: Butt I thought the Muslim Brotherhood was “moderate?” I’m sure I remember our Director of National Intelligence telling us that.
DQ: Yeah, Director Clapper’s been Big Guy’s hang dog before. He was sent out last year to try to float “the Muslim Brotherhood is a ‘moderate, mostly secular’ league of gentlemen” hot air balloon. Needless to say, that dog don’t fly, if you’ll pardon my mixed metaphor.
Anyway, everything I found out over at State is so painfully obvious that even the normally comatose lapdogs have figured it out by now.
MOTUS: Oh! That sounds dangerous!
DQ: Nah! First of all everything was neat and tidy which was disorienting considering where I’ve been lately. I’d completely forgotten what it was like to be around adults. But once I got my bearings, I did pick up some interesting intel about the debate preparations.
MOTUS: Oh! Tell, tell!
DQ: Well, have you heard the rumor floating about how Romney intends to handle Big Guy’s lying during the debate, by touching his left index finger to his nose?
MOTUS: No! He wouldn’t dare!
DQ: Well, I can’t say for certain. They’re still debating whether to go that route, or use one of Big Guy’s own favorite finger techniques to throw him off:
Still another camp favors having Romney tug on his left ear every time Big Guy racks up another whopper. This one’s gaining traction with the team because they all know how sensitive the Won is about his big ears.
They figure any of these techniques will irritate him, but the ear thing: that will really get under his skin. Just ask MoDo.
I’ve also discovered that they figure they won’t have to actually have Romney do anything in the actual debate. If they just keep floating these rumors out there they figure they’ll knock him off his game.
That’s what happens when you’re dealing with someone known to have thin skin. And to lie a lot.
MOTUS: Anything else we should know from Romney Debate Central, Molsterman?
DQ: Well, the team was considering having Mitt use the language of Big Guy’s own supporters and give him up-twinkles for telling the truth and down-twinkles for lying. But I think they discarded that idea, since it really makes everybody look ridiculous.
On the other hand, it does allow you to convey your sentiments about your opponent’s position in a most succinct way.
And I told you before, don’t call me “Molsterman” again.
For previous reports from the Mole see:
Molsterman #1 “Win Won Four the Gaffer”
Molsterman #2 “Checkmate”
Molsterman#3 “Hints and Allegations”
(NOTE: My legal pack advises me that I should note that the above is not an actual interview butt rather a composite of various figments of my imagination: much like Big Guy’s “Julia” his two autobiographies and all accounts so far of both Fast and Furious and Benghazigate.)
(as always, h/t and apologies to the Ulsterman Report)