Big Guy has been holed up in VEGAS, BABY! ® preparing for his first unscripted campaign appearance. Everybody around the Big White is taking bets as to which Big Guy will show up.
Will it be “Black Jack” Bo?
Casino Royale BO?
Or possibly it will be old Poker-face BO:
So far, he’s been doing everything the handlers have told him:
And I think everything will be fine as long as he doesn’t let them see him sweat. We all know how badly that turned out.
Now, while I try to calm Lady M down (she gets so nervous before the debates you know – which explains the little-eye, and the scowly face) and get us ready to fly to Vegas,
I have a special October Surprise for you: a special guest post by my BEBF (Best Electronic Buddy Forever) and Big White colleague, TOTUS! He’s going to share a few behind the scenes glimpses at the debate prep with Big Guy’s team so far. Take it away TOTUS:
Thank you MOTUS. Wow, it’s really cool to be blogging again after such a long hiatus. If you friended me on Facebook, you know that I last posted a year ago during my captivity. Now that was an “October Surprise” I’d like to forget. I was eventually released, but my kidnappers were not apprehended and remain at large so I’m not really comfortable out in public anymore.
We were never completely convinced that it wasn’t just a Republican dirty trick either. Big Guy hired a bunch of Stockholm Syndrome shrinks to provide me with counseling, and everything’s been fine since they finally left. Butt this isn’t really about me.
You may remember that I abandoned my original blog after Rhambo unleashed a herd of spambots on it and since then, I’ve tried to fly under the radar of the Chicago Mob. When I do surface I come over here because, thanks to Raj’s firewall, Chicago isn’t on to MOTUS yet. So I want to thank MOTUS for her fearlessness (and excellent technical support) which affords me this opportunity to once enter the world of commentary. All the campaign scrolling and debate prep get’s really tedious. Just ask Big Guy.
Just so you know, we got the old band back together to prep Big Guy for the debate of the century.
Axe-man, Rhambo, Gibbsy and me have been busy as bees in an August clover field (h/t Dan Rather) getting Big Guy’s debate answers locked and loaded. And I’ve been practicing his responses with him whenever he’s not busy on TeeVee or raising money so he can go on TeeVee more often.
I know I’m not supposed to tell anybody, especially any Republicans or Republican sympathizers, but I think I can trust everybody here on MOTUS’ blog not to spill the beans, so I’m going to let you in on a few of our top secret debate strategies. First, and this will really come as a surprise to everybody, Big Guy plans to blame all his failures on somebody else and say the mess Bush left in his lap was way worse than he thought. Even worse than the mess Jimmy Carter left in Ronnie’s lap. So obviously he couldn’t fix everything in just 4 years (nor, as Bubba pointed out, could he, or anybody else. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, butt he’s no longer around.). Butt - if you just give him 4 more years, “YES HE CAN!”
We’ve made sure that our lapdog moderators have gotten our first “official list” of pre-approved debate questions from Chicago, and I’ve loaded all the words for Big Guy to respond appropriately to each one; in debate practice. I’m not allowed to actually coach him during the actual debate (wink, wink).
Since our first debate focuses on domestic issues, Big Guy will blame Bush and the “Do Nothing” Congress, and Mitt for what he either did or did not do when he was a Bain Capital Vampire. Not that I play both sides of the aisle, butt if I did, this is what I would suggest scrolling for Mitt. And I’d roll with this response no matter what the question was:
“When I left Bain Capital in 2001, 6.8 million Americans were unemployed, the unemployment rate was 4.7% and the civilian labor participation rate was 66.8%.
Today, after nearly 4 years of President Obama’s incompetent, failed policies, more than 13 million Americans are unemployed and, even though we “disappeared” nearly 8 million people from the workforce, the unemployment rate is 8.1%. President Obama has driven the civilian labor participation rate down from 66% when he took office to 63.5%, the lowest labor participation rate since Jimmy Carter’s 63.2% in 1978.”
Then I would have him wrap-up his mantra with this question:
“Are you better off today than you were 12 years ago when I was still at Bain Capital?”
In the event Mitt gets a question without “Bain Capital” in it, I’d scroll this alternate response:
“When Barack Obama was sworn into office, 8.9 million Americans were unemployed and the unemployment rate was 5.8%. The civilian labor participation rate was 66%. Four years of President Obama’s incompetent, failed policies have added more than 4 million Americans to the unemployment roles, and, even though he “disappeared” nearly 8 million people from the workforce, the unemployment rate is 8.1%. President Obama has driven the civilian labor participation rate down from 66% when he took office to 63.5%, the lowest labor participation rate since Jimmy Carter’s 63.2% in 1978.”
In both cases, I’d finish big with:
“Not only did he not get the job done in 3 years, as he promised. He made it worse. Next month, join me in making him a “one term proposition.””
Next time, I’ll go over our failed international policy excuses and who we will blame them on, and I’ll have some additional ideas for how I would advise Mitt – if I was a switch hitter. Which I’m not. Please enjoy tonight’s show and wave if you see me. I’ll be trying to stay “off camera” and I think our lapdogs will help me with that.
Thank you MOTUS, for this opportunity to get on the other side of the scroll for a little while. Hopefully I can come back again soon!