Tuesday, October 2, 2012

“Hello, you’ve reached the White House. I’m not home right now. But I’m voting for Obama”

What’s all this about secret meetings in the Big White regarding a resurgence of al Qaeda in Africa?

The White House has held a series of secret meetings in recent months to examine the threat posed by al-Qaeda’s franchise in North Africa and consider for the first time whether to prepare for unilateral strikes, U.S. officials said.

I suppose all the smarty pants out there are going to cite this as proof that Big Guy knew that the attacks on the Egyptian and Libyan embassies were about something other than bad movie reviews.

Well, just hold onto that Obama-phone of yours and wait awhile.


If you think this proves anything, you’re sure not paying attention. We seldom take phone calls even when we’re home. And we never take meetings to discuss icky stuff. That’s right, you can’t pin this one on Big Guy.

I’ve got proof that,even if there were meetings, Big Guy didn’t know anything about the disturbances at our embassies being al Qaeda terrorist activity. It’s already been well established that he’s been too busy governing to make time to attend daily intelligence briefings (and let’s face it: since he knows more than anybody, anyway, he should be giving the briefings, not attending them). Seriously, where do you think the “empty chair” motif came from anyway?

Eastwooding1-232x300Bo, attending his daily intelligence briefing

Oh sure, there’s been some “noise” floating around about Bin Laden being dead and al Qaeda being alive:

I’m told that the talk in the Libyan underground is about a “global intifada,” like what the new al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri has been preaching for the past five years. But ask U.S. officials about that subject, and you get a “no comment.”

Butt as is our fashion, this has been recast in “Minitru” (newspeak for Ministry of Truth) as a “bump in the road”

man caused bump in the roadMan-Caused bump in the road; probably by an IED

In case you’re not familiar with the concept of Minitru here are a few examples that I think will clear up your confusion: in Minitru, reality is recast such that “the economy is turning around,” and “going in the right direction,” the Christmas Bomber was an “isolated terrorist” the Fort Hood Allah Akbar shooter was a case of  “workplace violence,” the Times Square Bomber a “one-off,” and the Muslim Brotherhood is a “moderate, mostly secular” organization.

4 pinocchios(for the record, to all of the above earned 4 Pinocchios)

So, let me see if I’ve got this straight: we’re completely onboard with the Muslim Brotherhood…butt Mormons? Not so much (see our “how could you possibly support a ‘Mormon?’” campaign) OK. I’ve got it.

Meanwhile, back to the economy. I see our plans to get it jump-started by raising the price of of gasoline again is falling into place.

mitt-bo copy

I know Big Guy is an underdog in the upcoming debates because he’s been so busy governing he hasn’t had time to brush up his sparkling debate skills. And just because you’re the smartest guy in the room doesn’t guarantee that the debate moderators are going to toss you all softballs. For that, we’ll have to rely on the creases in Big Guy’s pants.

MediaLovesObamah/t Ramirez

Anyway, even if BO sucks at the debate, he’s still so far out front in the polls – especially in battleground state Ohio – probably because he’s made 13 trips so far this year - that we’re confident of a big win come November.

So keep those cards, letters, emails, checks and robopoll responses rolling in! We love them. Especially the checks and the robopolls. And remember, even if you’re not home, you can still get in on the polling! Just be sure to turn your answering machine on: because apparently an unanswered phone is every bit as good as an empty chair.

empty chair in cairoAn empty chair at Benghazigate


Notice: My legal department requires that I disclose that this is not an actual recording of a robocall poll, butt rather a composite simulation of robocall polls reported in swing states around the country.


Okay then, Mr. At-the-sound-of-the-beep, I’ll put you down as voting for Obama. And while I’ve got you, is your dog home too?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Fausta in Hot Air’s Green Room, and BadBlue, and simpattyco on Pinterest, and Clarice on JustOneMinute, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!