Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Shutdown Day 15: In This Great Land of Nuts and Barrys

Squirrels are known for two survival skills: hoarding, and stealing other squirrels’ stashes.

Screenshot Studio capture #1404h/t BFH on iOTH, who suggests we could substitute “ObamaVoters” for “squirrels”

Both skills were on display in Louisiana last Saturday night when an EBT system “glitch” temporarily eliminated card limits. Thanks to the fact that the card holders all have Obamaphones, they advised all their social network friends with EBT cards of this manna from heaven. Soon all the squirrels hustled down to their local Walmart where they were seen hoarding everything from, well, soup to nuts:

walmart3It was like Christmas…only free!

walmartShoppers abandoned carts at Walmart when EBT glitch was fixed.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to advance the premise that we don’t really have a squirrel problem around here; we have a problem of surplus nuts and Barrys:

Screenshot Studio capture #1405

Although, arguably, it’s growing harder by the day to distinguish between the nuts, the Barrys, and the trained squirrels.

harry's trained dogsTrained squirrels, waiting patiently for their treat instead of going hunting

They’re still waiting patiently for their Obamacare too. Well, ok - less and less patiently as the days go by (15 so far, butt who’s counting, other than that one Fox reporter? Oops! My bad, it’s a CNN reporter.)

And now we find out that the Obamacare system “glitches” might have been an inside job!?!

HHS didn’t want users to see Obamacare’s true costs”

“Political objectives trumped operational objectives”

“White House knowingly chose to court disaster”

Just rumors, I’m sure, planted by the Tea Party Anarchists.

Don’t worry, none of this has stopped Big Guy from staying focused like a laser beam on his nemeses: the arsonists, terrorists, extortionists, and wife beaters who are holding our government hostage. 

george mason wife beater“Ok, who else wore theirs today?”

Following the model created at the Alinsky School for Community Organizers, Big Guy turned the tables on his political foes and sworn enemies and again accused them of extortion and manufacturing a crisis (and wife beating). Not only is this a brilliant stealth tactic, butt it apparently never loses it’s efficacy against the current batch of trained squirrels on the Hill.

whitehouse squirrel“Taken by surprise again, the squirrel readily gives up his nuts.”

So now there are officially 3 things you can rely on in life: death, taxes, and the GOP caving.

As I understand it, these are the only terms that “No Stinky People in the Rotunda” Reid is willing to accept:

1) A delay of the $65 “Reinsurance Program Fee” per “bellybutton.” 

That doesn’t sound like a spending cut, so I’ll put that in Stinky Harry’s column.

2) A temporary increase in the nation's debt ceiling until February.

While past performance is no guarantee of future results, I’ll wager that this is simply a delay on the way to a permanent increase, so I’ll put that one in Stinky Harry’s column too.

3) Establishment of a Senate-House budget committee to craft a replacement for the automatic spending cuts known as sequestration, which would have to report its work product to Congress by Dec. 13.

Ooooooo! That sounds like a homework assignment! with a deadline! Based on the success of the Super Committee of 2011 that was tasked with a similar objective ahead of the dreaded, deadly, doomsday Sequester, I’ll call that one a draw (see “past performance” disclaimer, above). 

4) Verification of income in order to receive a subsidy.

I can’t really put that in anyone’s column, as it’s already the law.

5) And…oh. No, wait; I guess that’s about it.

I would like to advise you all to go gather as many nuts as you can find. What you do with them after that is entirely up to you.


AjuCskoCMAAsQqXThat’s all for now folks!

Linked By: Abby L Call, Mireille Buser, Candace Crider, Annie Brown on facebook, and @2oldCrabs on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network