Sunday, March 29, 2009

MOTUS: The Bio

If you’re going to be a regular visitor, and you're a taxpayer, I think you have a right to know a few things about me. Here’s my Curriculum Vitae:

I am a fraternal twin (female). My brother (Hub) is the mirror in the Hubble telescope.

We are Cassegrain reflectors of Ritchey-Chretien design, and were conceived in 1979 at the Corning New York factory when 2 conjoined blanks of ultra-low expansion glass were sandwiched around a honeycomb lattice. (I didn’t mean to get into the sex stuff, but a lot of people are curious.) Our polishing was completed in May of 1981. I know that seems a long gestation, but keep in mind that we were specified for reflectivity in the ultraviolet range which means that we had to be polished to an accuracy of 10 nanometers, or about 1/65th the wavelength of red light! So don’t even think about telling me that I don’t see it all.

At the end of 1981 we were given a post-delivery wash in 2400 gallons of hot, deionized water and a 65 nanometer thick reflective coating of aluminum followed by a 25 nanometer protective coating of magnesium fluoride.

As with people, there is a rancorous philosophical dispute as to when a blank piece of glass becomes a mirror: Some say at conception, but others steadfastly maintain that it isn’t until it’s polished. I’ll share my thoughts on that debate at some future date. Like maybe the next time we have a Republican in the White House.

At the conclusion of 1981, Hub shipped off for outer space and I, being a girl, was sent to the Smithsonian’s Fashion Hall to learn a trade. I was there only a short while. When they found out I was Hub’s sister I was reassigned to the White House. As you’ve probably heard, in Washington it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

My first FLOTUS was, of course, Nancy Reagan. Talk about a girl with style! I learned a thing or two from her that they didn’t even know about at the Smithsonian. And in turn, my highly accurate reflections helped her hone her look as well. The only disagreement we had in 8 years was about that astrologer friend of hers. I could spot a phony a mile away. Besides, if all she wanted was a glimpse into the future, I could have provided a crystal clear picture, and Hub could’ve handled that whole time/space issue. Frankly, I don’t think she really wanted to know. Who could blame her?

Those were 8 good years for me. And the country. America was that “shining city on a hill”, and we all dressed like grownups. Elegant grownups. The next 20 years – not so much.

Barbara Bush was a swell lady, but she made the room smell like my grandma’s house. And honestly, she didn’t use me that much. I used the time to practice with my trans, hyper and quantum imaging systems.

When Hillary moved in, she had my legs lengthened so she couldn’t see her cankles. She didn’t use me a lot more than Barbara did, except when she wanted to channel Eleanor Roosevelt. Whooo! I could tell you stories! I used to tell her, “Hill, if you want to channel first ladies, how about Jackie?” She always gave me a hard stare and icily reminded me that Jackie O was not dead yet. She missed the whole point.

Laura was certainly an improvement over the previous 2, but, well, she was a librarian. And W was a cowboy. I think you get the picture. It wasn’t awful, but certainly no Parisian salon. At least Laura had my legs lowered to their original height.

And now – happy days are here again! I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure about this team at first. That whole thing about wanting Lady M’s reflections to look good at all times, even if it meant I had to resort to major league distortion – it made me hazy for a few days. But then one day, I got it! It’s just like all the other hopey-changey stuff. This wouldn’t be fashion treason: it’s just my role in the extended Washington run of the Emperor’s New Clothes. When their gig is up, I can just restore all my old programs. I’m pretty sure about that anyway. And I’ll confess, the positive feedback from the MSM is pretty heady stuff: “Fashion Forward,” “Fashion Icon” ! Wow, even Nancy never got accolades like that.

So good bye Wranglers. Hello Narcisco Rodriguez! Let the refraction begin.

Well, I think that’s enough history. Check out my Blog(link) from time to time and read my reflections. You won’t get them from the MSM, honey.