Tuesday, November 9, 2010

RIGHTNETWORK #2: Obama's Brother from Another Mother


Warning: the picture on the right is a composite of the two on the left. Disturbing, no?

As you know, I wasn’t around when Richard Nixon was in the White House so I’m depending on my American History module to inform this discussion.

As I understand it, President Nixon was said to be a paranoid narcissist who had a drinking problem, suffered mood swings, had difficulty distinguishing between his perceptions and objective reality, despised the increasingly critical press and demonized those who disagreed with him.

He was ultimately brought down not so much by his nuttiness but by a certain person, code-named “Deep Throat” who passed damning insider information on to Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, two shlubs working for the Washington Post and looking to make a mark with their Watergate coverage.

Now, in an odd twist of fate, or historical coincidence, we find ourselves dealing with our own 21st century “Deep Throat,” code-named “Rope-a-Dope” who’s spreading supposed Big White insider information on to some would-be modern day investigative journalist named Ulsterman. He’s already published 7 entries from this supposed “source,” relating tales of presidential meltdowns, malfeasance, depression and withdrawal.

The gist of Rope-a-Dope’s interviews with the U-man seems to be that Big Guy is, well, a paranoid narcissist who has a drinking problem, suffers mood swings, has difficulty distinguishing between his perceptions and objective reality, despises the increasingly critical press and demonizes those who disagree with him. Where have I read that before?


Something else the boys have in common: boxers, not briefs

I can see two possible explanations for the release of these sensational stories ahead of the midterms.

One, Bob Woodward, who was given waaay too much access to the Big White in order to write his latest best seller, Obama’s Wars, has been trying to relive his glory days ever since Bobby Redford played him in All the President’s Men, and finally saw his chance. Since he’s too old for the lead this time around, he decided to play the noble role of DeepThroat instead.

Additionally, I would just add that Woodward is a close personal friend of both Bill and Hill. You do the math.

The only other possible explanation is that this is just part of the vast, racist rightwing conspiracy.

Either way, painting Big Guy as a disturbed Nixonian persona seems a bit of stretch. For one thing, Nixon kept his enemies list close to the vest, whereas BO is proud to review his every time he opens his mouth.

Nor do they agree on the value of a good round of golf. The Nixter said “By the time you get dressed, drive out there, play 18 holes and come home, you've blown seven hours. There are better things you can do with your time.”  The Won, on the other hand, can’t conceive of a better way to blow seven hours.


Although it’s possible that Tricky Dick didn’t like golf because it appears he just wasn’t that good at it.


Will this cost me a Mulligan?

Just in case you haven’t been following Ulsterman’s chronicle of life behind-Oz’s-curtain, it started in early September. Our unidentified Rope-a-Dope started feeding him with – theoretically - insider dope. U-man swallowed the feed and filed Part 1 of the Obama Diaries: The President is Losing It,  which I covered the other day in Where’s the Damn Seal !!?

This was followed shortly by Part 2, The President Needs to Grow Up in which we find out that Rope-a-Dope thinks that Lady M “...might be to the left of Nancy Pelosi.  She really doesn’t care for how things work in the country and she wants to see it all changed.” and that Big Guy “...doesn’t respect any opinion that is different from his own.  He just doesn’t care to know any other side to any given issue.  I really believe it’s a maturity thing.”

This is just silly. How is this mole-worthy? Does anyone NOT know that Lady M is not just left of Fancy Nancy, but about two full continents to the left of even Barbra Streisand and Rachael Madow?

Butt why are we even putting Lady M and the soon to be deposed, Fancy Nancy in the same sentence? Clearly, there’s no comparison.


 Completely Out Gunned!

And Big Guy doesn’t respect opinions different from his own?  I hope U-man isn’t paying for this stuff, because even Barney down in the mail room knows better than to disagree with BO about anything, even the weather. We all know we’re just one slip away from being dumped into the bucket of bitter clingers and cops acting stupidly.  The Big White is World Headquarters for Sycophants ‘R Us.

So, just a heads up, there are at least 5 more installments that I’ll be reporting on over the next  2 weeks.  Don’t believe any of it. I’ve seen this sort of fabrication before. Surely you know by now that everything you hear and most of what you see around here is done with smoke and (modest blush) mirrors? So let’s be careful out there.

Rumor: Big Guy is depressed and withdrawn. Fact: Not true. He’s just busy playing golf, shooting hoops, and enjoying a few smokes and drinks with Reggie while chilling out and watching a few games on ESPN. Smoke? Mirrors? I reflect, you decide.



Do you have any other kind of pie? I don’t really like apple.