Sunday, October 17, 2010

Where’s the Damn Seal!?

Sheeze! Last week Mark Halperin at Time magazine told everyone that Big Guy and his posse are in way over their heads. Then Big Guy, on some kind of suicide mission, pretty much goes on the record with the New York Times to prove Halperin’s  charge is  accurate.

howard deanBig Guy, channeling Howard Dean. Or maybe Howard Beal. 

In his magazine interview  published today, he asserts that – as God is his witness - he had no idea that there was no such thing as a shovel ready project. Which might not be such a big deal if he hadn’t gone on the record dozens of times saying that the Stimulus Gargantulous was going to immediately turn the economy around by being spent on – that’s right – shovel ready projects. And never mind that everybody who had ever done anything in the real world (that pretty much rules out all the legislators who voted for it) told him that just wasn’t possible. I’m not 100% sure why, but I think some of it has to do with the gazillion federal regulations in place that require years of lead time before any shovel is allowed on the worksite.

Good grief! With this kind of self-emollition, it’s no wonder we’ve got Big White moles divulging internal concerns  (note: I categorically deny that Little Mo has had anything to do with these increasingly virulent leaks) like this one:

From The White House Insider part 1: The President is Losing It

“I mean, we were all led to believe that this guy was some kind of intellectual giant, right?  Ivy League and all that.  Well, that is not what I saw.  Barack Obama doesn’t have a whole lot of intellectual curiosity.  When he is off script, he is what I call a real “slow talker”.  Lots of ummms, and lots of time in between answers where you can almost see the little wheel in his head turning very slowly.” 

And while it pains me to tell you this, that’s just a small excerpt from part 1 of a (so far) 7 part series which I’ll probably be forced to link to, one at a time, with appropriate editorial comments. as required, in order to set the record straight.

Although I can divulge that things have gotten a bit tense around here. Lady M is quickly catching up with Hil’s record of flinging heavy objects around the family quarters. And the salty language: oy veh! It sounds like Fleet Week around here most of the time anymore.

So I guess it’s understandable that Big Guy is getting a bit flustered over symbolic malfunctions, like the falling Presidential Seal. Ever since the embarrassing seal crashing to the floor from the podium at Fortune’s Most Powerful Woman ceremony:


now you see it  now you don't

losing itNow you see it, now you don’t…

Big Guy hasn’t trusted anyone outside of the Big White (where we’re now required to use crazy glue) to hang his seal. So whenever we have to venture away from home, we are going naked rather than risk another case of seal sabotage, just a little nub sticking out where the seal is supposed to be affixed to the podium:

bowie state u maryland

Bowie State, Maryland: sans seal

moving america forward philadelphia


Moving America Forward, Philadelphia, no seal here:







delaware Campaigning for Chris Coons, Delaware. No seal.




noseal deval patrick boston 1016


Boston, Deval Patrick rally: no seal here either.




Apparently Big Guy got a little cranky with staff after the “Most Powerful Woman in the World adoration ceremony for Lady M.

blue shoesThe world’s most powerful, and fashionable, woman – evah!!!

Bad enough that Fortune was reminding everyone of MO’s powers while Big Guy’s poll numbers keep sinking, but the dissing caused by the crashing seal really snapped a nerve.

Mind you, I’m not saying he’s gotten paranoid about the symbol of his presidency; just that he’s a bit gun-shy and, like I said, he doesn’t quite trust the roadies intentions anymore. So he’s opted to skip the symbol altogether.

I thought we had successfully talked him down from the ledge, and then this campaign poster shows up, and now he’s ranting all over again about how this staff is trying to make him look bad and do him in.


USA/ For the record, “Rich Whitey” doesn’t stand a chance, but with Big Guy and JoeyB’s help, we think the little gnome is a lock against the Witch of Delaware.

I’ve honestly no idea who pulled this poster together. It was probably just one of our naive young staffers who’s unaware of the sensitivities of older generations of Afro-Americans.

On the other hand, as Nixon always used to say, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you.”

Order your bumper stickers today: November 2 is right around the corner.

bumper stickers-i like coons-3 copy