Yikes! It’s only day 3 of our 2 1/2 week schlep for the vote and already TOTUS-TOO and I have Lady M’s stump speech memorized. And not to be critical, but, well, it’s not exactly a barn burner.
"I haven't really campaigned since 2008, and that's because I focus on my role as mother," [and fashion icon] "My hope for their future is really at the center of everything I do, which is I why I wanted to be here for [fill in the blank with the appropriate candidate’s name]. We all want to leave something better behind for our children. [like socialism?] That's why we're here. That is really what the American Dream is all about. [paying the bill for our new socialism?]
"The truth is for too many families in this country, it feels like that dream is slipping away," [uh huh]. "That is why my husband ran for president in the first place. [to ensure that the dream slips away? That can’t be good, can it?] Keeping that dream alive for all Americans [which dream are we talking about again? Socialism?] is what drives him, what keeps him up at night. [Trust me, nothing but Speedballs and Dexies keep Big Guy up at night.]
I think you get the gist: ‘I’m a Mom and I’m here because you little gnats are threatening to stay home, or worse, vote against Big Guy’s team and ruin everything. Ungrateful bastards! You should be thanking us for what we’ve done for you.’
But Lady M, of course, is much smoother than that: the little people don’t even realize that she’s castigating their fat behinds. She’s a Harvard trained lawyer after all, and she knows how to smile and say one thing while meaning its polar opposite. It’s a core competency you get, guaranteed, for the tuition at all the Ivies. It’s proved to be worth the price of admission alone for a lot of politicians – and will continue to be, as long as the Tea Party’s stupid “say what you mean” shtick doesn’t catch on.
If it does, MO might not be proud of her country again. Although Norah doesn’t seem to remember when she wasn’t the first time:
And speaking of Harvard trained lawyers, here’s a relief: no charges will be filed against Lady M for electioneering in Chicago – which, as I understand it, is defined as lobbying at the polling place without a valid license. Since we all know that MO doesn’t have a license anymore, I guess they determined that she wasn’t actually lobbying,
Vote for our guy, get a hug from your FLOTUS!
Anyway, according to Jim Allen at the Chicago Board of Elections:
“Electioneering is only punishable if someone is approaching voters, warned to move out of the election zone, and then persists.”
And then, only if you are not Black, Hispanic or dressed as a para-military thug.
Ruled to be non-threatening, on account of they were just exercising their right to wear Halloween costumes to a polling place.
So with just more than 2 weeks left to save our bacon, Lady M is cranked to single-handedly deliver America from the threat of the Tea Party. And what else would you expect from the most powerful woman in the world?
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