Thursday, July 22, 2010

Keel Hauled, Stem to Stern

Whew! I got the good news this afternoon: JoeyB is heading to Alabama to manage Big Guy’s oil spill and attend a couple of low yield fund raisers in North Carolina on the way home. That means Lady M kiboshed his plan to go to Mississippi with us tomorrow, for the celebration of the laying of the keel for our new Coast Guard cutter. He loves to go to Navy and Coast Guard events and talk like a pirate. He really gets on my nerves.

CAP'N%20PLUGS%20copy JoeyB posing in his favorite “talk like a pirate” garb. Which, when you think about it, is an appropriate conceit for the O’s Administration

Butt thank goodness that worry is behind us, we have a really big day planned. We’re going to Pascagoula, Mississippi (Lady M’s been practicing saying that without an “h”) and it’s really going to be hot and humid. I’m not sure if we’ll go looking for tar balls while we’re here, butt I think we packed the tar ball splotchy outfits just in case.

Obama                 tar ball top

Strangely, the actual ceremony was on Tuesday, sans MO, when the keel was laid. The keel laying technically marks the official “beginning” of construction even though at that point the ship is more than 20% done. That may seem confusing if you’re not a government bureaucrat or a member of Congress. Think of it this way: it’s like calculating the cost of Obamacare  by using 10 years of increased tax revenues, but only 4 years of paid benefits (plus counting the savings from reduced Medicare payments to doctors twice - even though no Congress in the past 10 years has had the cajones to actually implement this habitual little budget ruse of theirs).

Anyhoo, Lady M got her initials welded onto the keel, even though she wasn’t actually there for the ceremony. I’m sure she’s going to feel honored. According to our Coast Guard Acquisitions Directorate (that’s what we call the people who build our boats) this is the first time a FLOTUS has sponsored a Coast Guard Cutter: another historic first!

And what an appropriate cutter for MO sponsor. It will be our 3rd National Security Cutter and will be named the Stratton in honor of Dorothy C. Stratton (1899-2006), the U.S. Coast Guard’s  first female commissioned officer.

dorothystratton1  Capt. Dorothy Stratton directed the Coast Guard’s Women’s Reserve, or SPARs (?), during World War II. I think someone in the Coast Guard has dyslexia, or something.

072009_stratton_rabago_story Lady M’s Initials Being Welded Onto Stratton’s Keel. The Boat, Not Dorothy

The Stratton is a 418-foot long, 4,700-ton Legend class cutter. Wow! If standing stern-to-stern with that puppy doesn’t make our butt look small, I’m going to quit.

national_security_cutterUSCGC Bertholf – Dotty’s Will Be Just Like It


The Dotty’s a more right-sized yacht for the lifestyle to which we’ve become accustomed. But this was nice too.

Butt, speaking of fat behinds, there is another reason why tomorrow’s trip is of vital national importance: Mississippi officially has the fattest behinds in the nation. They desperately require the benefit of Lady M’s  wisdom and coaching. 


I’ll bet they never even thought to get up off their fat behinds and move.

Oh, and did you hear the other good news? We’re taking another vay-cay! To the Florida Gulf coast – just like we’ve been telling everyone else to do! Gosh, what a coincidence: just last week people were saying we should be vacationing on the Gulf coast instead of some snobby East Coast enclave.

You can tell we’ve been working really, really hard for the transformation of America this year: we’re totally exhausted. That’s why, for the first time in presidential history (historical!) we need to take not one, but two pre-vacation vacations. Just for the record: our real vacation will be at some snobby East Coast  enclave.

transformers2 Transformers 2: Coming 11 – 2 - 10 to a polling place near you