Friday, July 23, 2010

Tiny Bubbles, In The Brine

So, I’ll bet you were as surprised as I was to see Lady M bash a bottle of Dom on the bow of the fully completed U.S. Coast Guard National Security Cutter Stratton. Just yesterday, they laid the keel and the Stratton was only 20% completed. But MO let it be known that she wasn’t going to “any damn boat celebration” if she couldn’t bust a bottle of bubbly. So, our obedient Coast Guard Acquisitions Directorate boat building elves worked all night long and finished it up just in time for our ceremony.

Lady M was gorgeous, as usual. We wore a special outfit we commissioned for the occasion: a sleeveless frock (of course) with a grey “choppy sea” skirt, built-in ruffly elastic belty thing somewhere near our equator and a white top with rolling wave effects in rippling shades of blue, green and grey. It made some of the sailors seasick.

hokey pokey-First lady Michelle Obama is escorted off the ceremonial plank by Northrop Grumman President Mike Petters



Lady M and Northrup Grumman President Mike Peters Doing the Hokey-Pokey Coming Down the Plank

This was not our first boat launching, but it was our best. Big Guy once christened the new yacht of “one of the guys in the neighborhood” named Tony-something-or-other back in Chicago before we Won. It didn’t go so well. Maybe it was because Big Guy was pooped from all the partying in Boyztown, but after 5 or 6 hard swings he just gave up and had someone open the bottle and pour it over the deck. Not Lady M. She took one half hearted swing – just so Big Guy wouldn’t look too bad – and then reared back and bashed the bejesus out of that Dom on swing #2! You can really tell that this wasn’t the first “bow” she’s smashed a  bottle over.

1Lady M Knocks One Out of the Park 

Don’t worry, MO wasn’t hurt or anything. She just felt bad about wasting good bubbly. Butt she did get a case to take back with her on Air Force Won 2.

We couldn’t stay too long because we had to meet Bruno and some bald guys for a tar ball update. And Bruno always serves an elegant buffet. Work, work, work: I sure hope Big Guy plugs the damn hole for good pretty soon so we can all get some rest.

9Bruno Reporting Big Guy’s Tar Ball Count 

MO had to cut her remarks to the bone, but as always they were totally articulate. MO said, "I stand in awe of her life." Of course, she was white, wore funny uniforms and probably didn’t have the benefit of an Ivy League education, so I assume she was just being polite.

5 Lady M and Her New Body Guard, Bruce Willis

I’ve been nervous ever since I said I’d quit if the Stratton didn’t make MO’s butt look small. I’m a girl of my word and I didn’t really know how big this boat was when I said it. So I’m asking for your opinions.




Personally, I think I have a loophole, because we never got to stand stern-to-stern and I didn’t allow any rear view shots.



I think, just to be safe, I’m going to rely on my loophole. Or, maybe I’ll use one of the mulligans Big Guy gave me last summer.

Because I really don’t want to quit, I really like my job. Now that I have my own blog.