Day 80 of the Deepwater Horizon gusher. No celebration, but thanks to the fact that we haven’t rested since the very day it began, we’ve got a plan now:
First lady Michelle Obama is planning to visit the Gulf of Mexico for the first time in the coming weeks to observe the oil spill recovery effort, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said Wednesday.
Vice President Joe Biden is also planning to visit the region.
If that doesn’t plug the damn hole, nothing will.
The Deepwater Horizon MOJO team to the rescue
Where ever she goes Lady M manages to find just the right words to make people feel better. Like yesterday at Treasury, she had these words of comfort for the widow of Vernon Hunter:
And I want to join the Secretary in recognizing Valerie [Hunter, whose husband, Vernon, was killed in an attack on an IRS office earlier this year]. It is an honor to have you here. As the Secretary said, you've put in your share of years at the IRS in Austin, Texas, and working in the same building where her husband was killed. We are so incredibly sorry for your loss, but you should know that we are praying with you. And it is just wonderful to see such a strong support system here for you. So we are grateful that you're here. And I was honored to be able to take a picture with you and show it to -- if you can believe, she's got six kids, seven grandkids. She doesn't look like she would have all that. But thank you so much for being here today.
Decked out in full field gear
I know you’re going to have a hard time believing this, but Lady M never even has to prepare or practice her remarks before she goes to visit the agencies! I’d say she’s a natural because she makes it look so effortless, but I think it’s really due to all those years of education at Princeton and Harvard. As well as the community organizing she did while on the campaign trail for Big Guy.
Here’s our basic speech format. I think it will work pretty well for the oil leak area too:
- Photo ops. Greetings all around. Miss America smile and wave.
- Special recognition of anyone really old who’s been working a really long time.(try to sound amazed and awed)
- Special recognition of anyone who’s recently experienced a work related tragedy.(try to look and sound empathetic)
- Recognition of how important everyone’s job is.(try to sound sincere)
- Thank-yous for doing the job you’re being paid to do.(try not to yawn)
- Wrap it, more Photo ops, hugs, hugs, hugs. Exit.
- Lunch. (closed press)-
There she is, Ms. America
“Thank you, thank you. I’ve got to get out of this military Spanx now, and move on to lunch. ‘buh-bye!”
The only part that might not work on the Gulf in July is the military spandex. Expect more maternity wear.
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She must be wearing the husband beater shirt inside out to cover the saying on the front. Dignity is what counts here.
ReplyDeleteShe's oiled up and ready to go to the gulf. Would someone explain to me the reason for the always oily legs? I don't ever notice the condition on anyone else.
ReplyDeleteThe dress looks like an Easter outfit for a little girl. Try to imagine the likes of Jackie Kennedy wearing anything like that.
ReplyDelete<span>Special Consultants:
ReplyDeleteLegs: Jiffy Lube
Eyebrows: Sharpie
Style: Bozo the Clown
Sweaters: Children's Dept. of Sears
Poise: Larry the Lumberjack
</span>
<span>Maybe she is emulating male body builders who oil up before competition.</span>
ReplyDeleteI find it ridiculous that Michelle Obama told that poor lady that "we are praying with you."
ReplyDeleteHogwash.
Stand-up Chuck--our daughter teaches and has an African American for her aide. She heard her saying that they oil their skin to keep it from looking "ashy, whatever that means. Miss Americs Muchelle needs to learn to put her legs together--that is not lady-like!!! Cannot wait to see her on the Gulf. She will definitely sweat, not glisten likes us GRITS!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is nothing more than "thank you" in advance for your vote in November.
ReplyDeleteIn March 2009, the average earnings for full-time Federal employees were $74,403.
I would like to take this opportunity on behalf of all government employees to thank the American taxpayer.
I think the skirt is the companion to an earlier ensemble that had a boxy jacket. It was a sight.
ReplyDeleteMotus, you neglected one additional component of the speech format: comment on the looks of the attendees. Who does that? Shill is forever commenting on how other people look, as though she is either/both:
ReplyDeletea) surprised that peasants can look presentable; b) incapable of summoning any deeper observations or feeling. -Likely both. Ho hum.
Has there ever been a President's wife as trite and shallow as this FFA? Talk about backing the public unions and their greed......
ReplyDeleteWhat is that gang sign she's always waving?
ReplyDeletePffft. The only prayer Michelle cares about is grace said before a meal. And she cares only that the prayer be short.
ReplyDelete"Good drink, good meat, good God let's eat."
Or a toast like:
"Over the teeth and over the gums, look out stomach here it comes."
MO's speech (especially the part where she addressed the poor woman who had lost her husband) was so rambling and haphazard. She should (like her husband) use TOTUS and use it religiously. Also why is it always about her (for instance, when she talks about the picture she took with that lady). I didn't see a video of the speech, but even from the transcript I could sense all the empathy of a FL for this bereaved woman (not!) If the purpose of all her showings or outings (or whatever you would call all her appearances) is to enhance her public profile as 'World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom' (H/T Cripes Suzette) she is succeeding. But if it is to show is she is standing up for the small people and shares their pain, not so much!
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI worked with a lot of AA women and they were
ReplyDeletecontinually putting lotion on their skin, but NONE
of them ever came to work looking like Greasy MOO.
She's a frigging moron, for crying out loud. She only got her expensive education at elite univerisities because she is black. She never fit in, not because of the evil white racists, but because she is dumb as a box of rocks and she couldn't keep up with the academic work. She is bitter about it.
ReplyDeleteUnderneath all the hoochie mama clothes and make up and the acting like Queen Nefertiti she is an angry, insecure child.
A lot of her speechifying is the type of thing you hear at black churchs' ladies events.
"I see so many lovely ladies here. Looks like somebody's been spendin time at the hat shop. Me and my husband are praying for you. Thank you to Sister Cherie and Sister Tiffany for the lovely table decorations. There will be a love offering after the luncheon. So ladies, give it up for my husband and his mission! And now we'll hear the children's choir "Buds of Promise" singing a special song for y'all"
I've heard this speech numerous times in my neighborhood churches.
<span>The First Phony's wighat and false eyelashes are more genuine than her.
ReplyDeleteMichelle Obnoxious has never truly been First Lady because she doesn't act like a lady.
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<p><span>In the second picture of MO striding across the stage with her matchy-matchy purple heels and her lacquered legs, she seems to be trying hard to emulate a lady of the evening. </span>
ReplyDelete</p><p><span>BTW, isn’t there a way she could moisturize her legs without oiling them so excessively?<span> </span>How could she think that is attractive?<span> </span>And now they send this little ray of sunshine to the gulf.<span> </span>That’s all they need, another greasy, oily mess! </span></p>
That speechifying of yours gave me such a chuckle. You are too much. LOL :-D
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely on a roll today. ;)
ReplyDeleteHer MOJO is a NO GO.
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard her say "me and Barack" like she did so many times during the campaign to put her exalted self on the same level with the common folks. I guess she's saving that for 2012 or maybe I just hit the mute button when she begins to speak.
ReplyDeleteIf we were to view the transcripts of most MO's speeches by themselves there would nothing in them to indicate that the speaker is a graduate (let alone Ivy league Princeton or Harvard Law School) The same is true of her casual conversation (her shrill "Come on in" or her mispronouncing 'destroyed' like it had 'sh' instead of s' in it) Affirmative Action at work, I suppose. And don't even get me started on the fake AA accent (or "the negro dialect" as Reid would put it) that both of them put on in certain venues.
ReplyDeleteIt is possible that they are targeting the Lowest Common Denominator. Remember when BO finally gave his Gulf spill speech from the Oval? Some speech analysts said the speech was at 10th grade level. So lofty it would go over the heads of most Americans and that it should have been dumbed down to the 7th grade level, so most people would get BO's profundity!
Arabella, you took the words right out of my mouth! LOL!
ReplyDeleteSince most of my shoes are the lace-up-low-heel-so-I-don't-fall-down, are ladies of fashion actually wearing lavender shoes? It looks to me like shoes First Granny might have worn back in the 70's. Just asking.
ReplyDeletePosted at Lucianne.com:
ReplyDeleteMichelle Obama To Star In Another BP Oil Spill Photo Op
http://www.bayoubuzz.com/buzz/latest-buzz/19234-michelle-obama-bp-oil-spill
I read that the media has been blocked from getting anywhere near the spill (no photographs, no coverage: nothing to see/report here folks, move along). I'm surprised there is no outrage from the MSM on this trampling of the first amendment. But it seems for many of those folks the spill is so yesterday, and they have moved on (for those in the gulf, of course, it is a neverending nightmare) I guess they would lift the embargo just for MO's trip, so people can see the angel of mercy visiting our beleaguered shores, our very own Ms. Nightingale, in action.
ReplyDeleteMission accomplished! MO looks quite oily, bulky, and competitively masculine . . . all in a feminine cross-dressing dainty way, of course.
ReplyDeleteI like to amuse mysef by running her remarks through an online tool that estimates number of years of education that a person needs to be able to understand them. This block of text clocks in at about 6.7.
ReplyDeletePrinceton and Harvard owe SOMEONE a refund.
The parallels between this pair and Louis and Marie Antoinette are stacking up like cordwood. The inordinate preoccupation with image, grandeur, elaborate entertainment, expensive food, frivolous fashion, extravagant spending when citizens are having trouble putting food on their tables - this cumulative reckessness and negligence is sending them headlong toward a collision with reality.
ReplyDeleteWhat is Biden looking at?
ReplyDeleteOh, now I see it. There is a corsage made of black and silver Christmas Tree balls and some kind of ruched up satin ribbon affixed to Michelle's shoulder.
I would give anything to hear Michael Kors and Nina Garcia comment on this accessory.
Tim Gunn would have been more than "concerned" by this dress. He would have been "seriously troubled." Further, he would have told the designer "Just remember you'll have to justify that .... trimming to Nina."
If people really knew how bad the spill is, how bad the economy is, how bad the wars are going they wouldn't spend money.
ReplyDeleteThe advertisers on TV don't want a bunch of depressed people watching the tube. Depressed people don't spend money.
It's in the interest of the media NOT to report how bad the spill is. Who do you think pays the happy talking faces and the staff that supports the happy news shows?
But Michelle will go down to look at the spill and boost morale so high that people will become happy spenders again, even if they don't have money.
See?
At least we can be assured he is NOT looking at her beauteous form!
ReplyDelete<p><span><span>Odd couple Sir Gaffesalot and Lady Hatesalot to the rescue?<span> </span>How lovely! Let’s hope they are not planning on going at the same time.<span> </span>It might provide some of comic relief, but the people of the Gulf are probably not ready for a lot of laughs just yet. <span> </span><span> Oh well, what else can we expect from this tone-deaf, clueless WH?</span></span></span></p>
ReplyDeleteHere's another toast for the FFA:
ReplyDelete"Once on the lips, forever on the hips!"
Nah, he ain't lookin at her bosooms. He's starting to worry that he's getting the DT's.
ReplyDeleteBiden's thought bubble: "Is that a spider I see on Michelle's shoulder? Dammit, I thought I had a few minibottles in my pocket this morning. Where are they? The spiders - those are the worst. Crawling out of the walls ... Oh, wait a minute. It's not a hallucination. It's some kind of corsage. But I'll grag a couple of quick snorts just in case."
So Madam Moocow is going to the Gulf. What exactly will she do there, look for black fishermen's children to hug ? Yeah, that'll work..
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI've been lurking your site for several weeks. I have to tell you that I think this is one of the funniest sites on the web. Thanks for the many teary eyed laughs!
Cheers
Hi all - my first post. I love reading all the comments.
ReplyDeleteI only have one thing to say: I hate hate hate the pinky affectation. It's gross and totally trailer park.
Yes. Oiling skin is done to avoid the appearance of ashy skin. That is to say, the skin tone looks uneven and dull. Dry skin flaking off may be the cause. It's a normal process and not noticeable on lighter skinned folk.
ReplyDeleteSome mothers oil their childrens' scalps as well to avoid the ashy skin tone.
She's trying to dress like a Stepford Wife (the remake version). She does not have the figure to carry off these looks and she's too old. Maybe one of the reasons Social Climber in Chief got fired was because her bad fashion advice was rubbing off on Michelle. The Social Climbing, Gaffe Prone, Glue-Gun wielding Desiree liked clothing like this:
ReplyDeleteI soooo enjoy reading MO's speeches! They remind me of why it's good to donate to the Special Olympics. Her command of the English language is just amazing, and I mean that in the sense of wonder that someone can claim to've actually received an education. Any education.
ReplyDeleteAnd aren't we all thankful that Joey B. will be heading down to the Gulf? Judging by his hair, Joe knows alot about plugs.
As to Moo's trip to the Gulf...Who is paying for this ? Will they import folks from Chicago for starry eyed photo ops,{can't imagine the locals being up for a love fest} ?
ReplyDeleteBut the Really Big Question..What shoes will she wear ? The Lanvin sneakers are soooo last year, maybe the 700 buck sandals...I mean, oily sand be damned, this is about the Folks..sacrifices must be made. How many maids will she take ?
Forget the wighat, it's way too hot, therefore official hair slicker, back person must be in attendance at all times. Will she eat seafood ?
What reporters will go with her ? I mean in the strictest sense, Oprah is about as much a reporter as the late, lamented Anne Landers..
Could she please just stay home and send the money instead?
That last picture. Was there a casting call for human tampons?
ReplyDeleteI used to think that she was jealous of me and was trying to imitate my reflective powers, but now I know she just wants to shine.
ReplyDeleteJackie O wouldn’t even eat at the table it used to cover.
ReplyDeleteGood spotting Moright. It is part of a set. It originally had matching napkins and a tea cozy. We’ve had it coated with polyester to prevent staining and give it MO’s signature shine.
Larry the Lumberjack is offended.
ReplyDeleteYou've broken bread with Lady M, haven't you?
ReplyDeleteCrips. West coast, Yo!
ReplyDeleteMO can summon very deep feelings and emotions. But it’s always around food.
ReplyDeleteWould you like to volunteer to be an uncompensated speech writer for Lady M? You’d get to work with TOTUS sometimes.
ReplyDeleteShe needed Big Guy back then to get on the stage. Not so much anymore.
ReplyDeleteWe’ve been working really, really hard to get this oil spill story off the front page. The supportive media has been wavering a little lately, so we’re probably going to have to reassign some of the choice briefing room seats to get them back in line.
ReplyDeleteDon’t get me wrong, Big Guy won’t rest until he plugs the damn hole, he just doesn’t want a lot of people running around talking about it.
Oh Cripes, that is a miraculous find! I’m going to download that to my hard drive right now.
ReplyDeleteIf you think Lady M is going to let the small people eat cake, you don’t know Lady M.
ReplyDeleteYou are all putting waaaaaay more thoughts in JoeyB’s head than you should.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn’t really have full thoughts, more like Vice-thoughts.
I thought I detected someone “lurking” about. Welcome to my world.
ReplyDeleteWelcome MaryJane. I know what you mean about the raised pinky, but at least it’s better than Big Guys favorite raised digit.
ReplyDeleteDesi would still be here if she understood who the real star on this Team is. That and keep her jibs from flapping.
ReplyDeleteYes, and we all know that Big Guy is a fan of the Special Olympics.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/v/2HOBTUCv4o0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="170" height="140
"Plugs" LOL
If she sends money, and I think she will, it will be yours.
ReplyDeleteBoy, that's good news. Because the way MO inhales food, it never touches her lips.
ReplyDeleteDesi was just posing for her new line of dolls:
ReplyDelete