Saturday, July 10, 2010

When Snarks Attack: 8

Now that the mercury has dropped enough for my CPU overheat protection circuits to cycle off, I’ve been able to put my super-secret nominating committee back to work screening the nominees for June’s coveted Golden FLOTUS Award. I know it may seem a little untimely, but you must remember there was a holiday weekend in there. Plus I’m used to operating on government time where “tomorrow” means before the next election (as long as public opinion polls are still supportive), “next week”  means “in your dreams” and “by the end of the quarter” requires an algorithm to calculate the odds of it ever occurring. So I’m just pleased to be presenting the June finalists prior to the autumnal equinox.

And June was a humungous month for snarking. It also marked the historic transformation of my blog’s commenting format to the new 21st century Echo system, which has ushered snarking to heights unknown. The old comment system sucked, but what could you expect – we  inherited it from the Bush administration. And now that I’ve upgraded and generated many additional comments, I feel as though I’ve created at least one new job for someone to assist me in reviewing the entries for the monthly snark contest. I believe that should qualify me to receive stimulus funds  to pay for the assistant for at least 3 years. But I haven’t heard back yet from the Office of Management and Budget about my request. They told me maybe “next week,” so I’m hopeful.

So left with just the resources of my existing super-secret nominating committee, it has taken a long time to narrow the extraordinary entries this month to the final list of our traditional baker’s dozen. And so, without further adieu, here in alphabetical order are your June 2010 “When Snarks Attack: 8” nominees for the coveted Golden FLOTUS:

When Snarks Attack-8 Nominees

June, 2010

(comments may be edited by moi)

Anonymouse: "Size: It Matters"

“Shrinking is right ... Should just about fit through that drain he is circling.”

arabella trefoil: "What a Difference a Year Makes"

“... Maybe he's a manorexic… “

bettyann: "Harry’s Desert Daycare Camp"

“... Lovely snakeskin flat idea on the "shoe-about" in the steeping desert. Never have snakes experienced their own in such ... shall say, an ACTUALIZED manner??”

DeniseVB: "Return of the Boob. Belt.

“Ya'll leave Barrack alone! You know he doesn't have time for the troops after a strenuous 4 hour golf game to relax. Why he's back in the Gulf states today trying to talk the oil back in the hole.”

FLDemFem: "Swan Lake Song"

“... The pic should be captioned, "Surrender, or we send her to give all your women makeovers!!"”

Jules: "We’re Number Two! And Fighting to Hold On"

“In lingering a little longer in front of a mirror, this guy would likely give Carla a run for her money:”

Lynn: "The Morton Salt Presidency: When He Reigns, We’re ..."

“FFA strikes again!! ... Is it any wonder the jihadis want us all in burqas?”

Madame Defarge: ""Mamas, Please Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboy...

“Yep, as the saying goes: "All hat and no cattle."”

MichelleIndependent: "Sacrificing For the Fans"

“... Is Spandex our national fabric now?”

MJ: "Prince Hamlet in the Oval"

"The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,
That ever I was born to set it right!"
- William Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1.5

Translation: WTF! This isn't what I signed up for!”

nellyq: "The Silver Streak: Unsafe at Any Speed-O"

“The Second Coming of Nefertiti's magic boobs were something, weren't they? A cups one day, DDs yesterday night. I guess that goes with the magic hair.”

PortiaElizabeth: "“Best In Show” At G-20, Eh?"

“It appears the judges were  from the Hound group.”

Suzette: "The Silver Streak: Unsafe at Any Speed-O"

“Love how her silvery body makeup matches the tone of her, uh ... dress I guess it is. I saw that once on a tunnel bunny standing outside the Holland Tunnel - no lie.”

Congratulations to this month’s nominees and to all the small people who helped them. Polls will remain open until 11:59 PM, Monday, July 12 or until Big Guy plugs the damn hole. As always, Chicago rules are in effect. Vote early and vote often, for yourself, your favorite snark, or, like Toes does, against the guy you hate.

May the best snark win, or at least come close to the Won who plays Chicago rules the best.