Sunday, July 11, 2010

Lean, Green, Mean and Moldy

Lady M has been busy getting in shape for her BP empathy Gulf tour tomorrow. Her detox program always leaves her a little cranky to begin with, but when she discovered she couldn’t fit into her favorite spandex containment suit, that was the last straw. Up till then, she didn’t really believe me that even Spanx has its limitations. So now we’ve hired a new motivation coach and started hitting the gym in earnest. Just between you and me, it’s a lot more pleasant around here when she’s hitting the gin instead of the gym, but we do have to keep our fashion-icon body in shape. Nobody ever promised that transforming America was going to be easy.

fat spandexLady M’s new motivation coach, former trapeze artist Carmen Wallenda, demonstrates 3 universal principals of fitness: 1) it’s never too late to get started, 2) spandex is not for everyone and 3) one size does not fit all. (photo via

While Lady M was working out, emitting tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere in an attempt to reduce her footprint, Big Guy was busy hyping two of his own lost causes: the summer of recovery and Harry Reid’s re-election.

First up on the economic recovery front: an electric truck plant in MO (no relation). Have you noticed how all the factories that Big Guy visits lately are Algore-friendly? Biofuels, windmill turbines, solar panels or batteries? I guess most of the non-green factories are closed for the summer. But I wonder if BO’s seen Spain’s report card on converting their country to a green economy? It contains more F’s than a Rahmbo staff meeting. No kidding, even the Greeks feel superior to Spain, and Greek wine isn’t even drinkable.

But thanks to really generous subsidies and grants from Big Guy’s private trillion dollar stimulus stash, the Smith Electric Vehicle company has put 50 people to work cranking out green delivery vans that only cost 2-3 times more than their conventional counterparts. I think their cost/benefit model factors in the value of feeling virtuous and therefore superior. Which you must admit, is priceless.

electric trucksWow! That’s a lot of extension cords!

And you may not think 50 jobs is a very impressive return on a $32 million Department of Energy grant, but look at it this way: it’s way better than zero! Besides, the extension cord factory employs over 3000.

The 50 employees at SEV’s were thrilled that Big Guy praised them for “building the economy of America’s future.” But – taking another look at Spain’s report card of straight F’s - I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Fortunately BO got out of there before any awkward questions could be asked. He landed next in NV, where just about everything is awkward these days. Big Guy owes Harry Reid a lot, so he had to go. But honestly, if these lapdog union loyalists can’t carry the day for poor old Harry, but makes anyone think Big Guy can?

harry's trained dogs

Unfortunately for the little weenie, Even Big Guy can’t seem to take his race seriously:




Although he did manage to raise $800k for the little man at a fund raiser on Thursday while doing what he likes best: trash talking the opposition, telling everyone we’re on the right track and appealing for a larger stash of public dollars for even more clean/green energy initiatives ala Spain.

There’s no doubt Big Guy earned his halo this week.

mysterious halo