Bubba To BO: “WTF? Did you read your contract?”

As I originally pointed out last summer in “It’s Halftime in America:”

“It’s not so much you didn’t live up to your potential.”

“It’s that you exceeded it.”

Yes, Ed Klein is back, making more trouble. The paperback version of his book, dismissively titled “The Amateur” - which was derived from an obviously made-up, derisive, quote contained therein:

“Obama doesn't know how to be president. He doesn't know how the world works. He's incompetent. He's...he's...Barack Obama's an amateur.” - Bill Clinton

The paperback version is updated to detail the deal cut between Big Guy and Bubba to keep the reins of power in the grasp of this most unholy alliance for years to come.

Here’s how the deal between the Devil and Beelzebub was supposed to work: Bubba would pump up BO’s limp campaign with his professional lying Mojo. In return, BO would throw his support enthusiastically behind his soon-to-be ex-Secretary.

Bubba delivered his part, in spades (can I say that?):

Only to find out that Big Guy planned to renege (can I say that?) on his end of the deal.

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, doll-face.”

Wow! Big Guy really is an Amateur if he thought he could get away with that! Discussions were held behind the scenes to clarify the terms of the contract, and shortly thereafter BO was back lovin’ on Hillary:

BO, layin’ some lovin’ on Hills on 60 Minutes

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for “Amateur: the Musical.”

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

The White House’s Genetically Modified Organism?

Oh dear! Another scandal! And this time it involves Lady M. And possibly her hunky Executive Director, Sam Kass.

It seems that there is an unconfirmed story floating around that Lady M’s heralded “bread wheat” crop is in fact - gird yourself, this one’s a shocker…engineered wheat food product!!!!

Could this possibly be true!? And if so, who’s responsible?

OMG! Are those GMO seeds!??

I don’t know, butt allow me to provide a little information on deep background, after which I’d be happy to take a few questions. 

First of all, GMO (genetically modified organisms) wheat seeds, hereafter referred to as GM wheat, is not even supposed to exist! Apparently it has been engineered, experimentally, by Monsanto (Evil Big Food company) – butt it’s not legally allowed to exist because…it hasn’t been approved by the Food and Drug Administration yet – and as we all know, if the Federal Government hasn’t approved it, it does not exist.

The phantom GM wheat crop in Oregon 

So, how did this phantom wheat seed end up growing in that Oregon farmer’s field, let alone Lady M’s Organic Garden of Good and Evil (OGOGE)? We suspect sabotage.

Since we may, or may not, have some of this bad seed growing in the OGOGE it’s important to note that at this point we are deeply conflicted (as Monsanto was a big campaign contributor) about the use of GM wheat seed; and remain deeply shocked and appropriately concerned by the discovery that the wheat crop planted here could possibly contain evil seeds.

Now remember, this investigation is still ongoing, so I can’t tell you just yet who the fall guy will be.

All I can tell you is that Lady M knew nothing about it. Now let’s move on to my press briefing. And remember, this is all totally off the record.

MOTUS Press Briefing

James S. Brady Press Briefing Room

MOTUS: Hello, everyone. Welcome to the White House. Thanks for being here. Before I take your questions I just wanted to just say a couple of things. As you may have heard, Lady M will be hosting her annual Kid’s State Dinner next month for the 56 winners of last week’s Healthy Lunchtime Challenge contest. It will be very exciting. And will contain no GM food products. Now I'll go to your questions. Julie.

Q: We understand that there may be GM wheat planted in Lady M’s organic garden of good and evil. Is that true?

MOTUS: There appears to be the possibility that GM wheat may have been found in the garden. Butt at this point, we are awaiting confirmation from the FDA that the wheat is actually GM.

Q: When did the Big White discover that GM wheat was planted in the garden?

MOTUS: I appreciate the question. We learned about this at the same time you did, from the Fox News report this morning. Butt let me caution, at this point we do not know with certainty whether the wheat is GM. Nor do we know whether it was planted intentionally, or is simply the result of a few over zealous  “volunteers” who inadvertently transported the seeds into the garden via the bird, raccoon or other wild animal droppings which are a substantial part of the garden’s organic fertilizers.

Q: Legal experts say that it would be illegal for the First Lady to plant GM wheat in her internationally acclaimed organic garden of good and evil on two counts:

1. a garden can not be classified as “organic” if it contains GM plantings, and
2. GM wheat has not been approved by the FDA.

MOTUS: Let me just say that the law is irrelevant here. Next question.

Q: Who actually planted the GM wheat?

MOTUS: Look, I appreciate that question, butt I think I’ve already addressed your concern. As I said we do not yet know exactly who planted the GM wheat, whether in fact it even is GM wheat, and, as you know, the Department of the Interior has overall responsibility for plantings on federal land and they are currently conducting a thorough investigation. Our information to date indicates that if in fact it is GM, it was planted by a couple of bad apples acting on their own. 

And if it turns out to be GM wheat, we fully intend to take all steps necessary to address the situation.

Q: If I may follow-up, did anyone in the Big White authorize the planting of the GM wheat, and what was Chef Kass’ involvement?

MOTUS: Thank you for that question. As I said, Interior is conducting an investigation, and I would suggest directing that question to them. The Department of Interior is a completely non-political, independent agency of the federal government. No one in the Big White has or would interfere with any decision made by Interior.

The Head of Big Guy’s Department of Interior is a Real Jewel

Q: And Chef Kass?

MOTUS: Well, I said no one in the Big White, and I have no information to suggest that Chef Kass had any involvement with the wheat planting. Chuck.

Q: Has Lady M or anyone else in the Big White, used any of the harvest of GM wheat in bakery items, like bread or cupcakes?

MOTUS: I appreciate the question. You may remember that as part of Lady M’s important No Child’s Fat Behind initiative, the Big White kitchen is gluten free and no longer bakes bread or cupcakes. The booklets that are being distributed to you now, describe the principle elements of a healthy, gluten free , wheat free diet. Take a few minutes to look them over and I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.

Q: How much of the garden’s acreage was planted in GM wheat?

MOTUS: You know, we could go down the plant list. … We could even say what about the president’s birth certificate? Was that planted here too? Butt would that be a legitimate question?”

 

Q: Are you saying that Big Guy is a transplant? Or that he’s genetically engineered in some way?

MOTUS: I'm not even sure what your question is. I get the sort of basic motivation behind it. I think we just disagree on our basic view of the meaning of the term “planted.” And “modified.”

END
2:12 P.M. EDT

 

The only confirmed Genetically Modified Organism planted around here.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and iOwnTheWorld’s Cardigan, and John Bellamy, Robert Watkins, Betty Jean Walters on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

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Nixon-Obama: Twin Sons of Different Mothers???

It’s not as if I didn’t warn you about Big Guy’s similarities to Dick Nixon a long time ago (Obama’s Brother From Another Mother).

It’s just that, suddenly, everybody seems to have spontaneously discovered that Tricky Dick has been reincarnated as Cocky Baracky. Despite coming from different political parties (and mothers), BO is a Xerox copy of Dick - only in negative.

Viewing them in negative removes race from the picture - leaving just the malevolence

Butt let’s run through a few of the specifics involving their duplicative selves, shall we?

• Milhous opened the door to Communist China, a sworn enemy of the U.S., resulting in an influx of new immigrants:

• Barry opened the door to Fundamental Islam, our sworn enemy, resulting in another influx of new immigrants:

 

• Dickie gave us the EPA, Barry showed us how to use the EPA to smite your enemies

and reward your friends.

• While running for a second term, someone, with or without Dick’s knowledge or permission, had “plumbers” break into DNC headquartes at the Watergate and collect “opposition research.” Also, the plumbing team broke into the office of Daniel Ellsberg’s psychiatrist to get dirt to use to discredit the leaker of the Pentagon papers. Oh, and he also had the IRS audit some of the people on his enemies list.

 

• Barry, on the other hand definitely didn’t know about his good friend and Attorney General’s DOJ department spying on the journalists who were just going about their job of reporting on what government leakers (previously known as a “whistleblowers”) disclosed. In fact, Ricky may or may not even have known about it himself. Nobody around here keeps anybody in the loop. It’s policy. Ipso fatso, Big Guy clearly couldn’t have known about the low level agents at the IRS who took it upon themselves to squelch the money raising ability of conservative groups before the 2012 election by holding up their 501(c)4 applications. Heck, even their immediate bosses didn’t know about that!

 

• Tricky Dickie’s secretary accidentally erased some of the White House tape recordings which may or may not have incriminated the President in the Watergate cover-up.

• Barry’s Secretary fell and got a bump on her head, and as a result couldn’t remember anything before the election, and very little afterwards.

The secretary’s oath: stand by your man, no matter what.

Wait a minute…that’s not right.Is it?

Oh, and that reminds me: Barry also has that little Benghazi bump in the road thing going on; about leaving our embassy unprotected. Unfortunately it resulted in the deaths of Ambassador Stevens and 3 of his attachés. And then there was the cover-up – which they always say is worse than the scandal, butt in this instance that can hardly be said to be the case. Even the Nixter never did anything close to this egregious: he killed a few reputations, butt there were never any bodies.  Big Guy really is unprecedented. Historical.

Anyway, I’m just saying Barry and Dickie do seem to share a lot of qualities, over and above them both being left-handed (natch), bad golfers (just not enough time to practice) with a proclivity for asserting Executive Privilege.

“I’m never playing this stupid course again. I’ll take a Mulligan.”

In fact, you might say that if Richard Milhous Nixon had a son, he would have looked just like Barack Hussein Obama:

Or at least acted just like him.

“Don’t worry son, they won’t have you to kick around much longer.”

Oh, and I nearly forgot: both Dick and BO had/have wives who totally rocked the golden girl look:

   

There are also unsubstantiated rumors about them both drinking a bit too much as well (the FLOTUS’ that is). Butt who can blame them?

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Obama: Putting the sophist back in sophistry

“'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe” – Lewis Carroll, Jaberwocky

Caution! You are entering a Spin-Zone.

How fast do you suppose this sucker can go?

Beleaguered Attorney General Ricky Holder’s meeting with journOlists to explain how he plans to honor freedom of the press and government transparency the next time he violates the First Amendment was not well attended. Unfortunately, the meeting on transparency was off-the-record so many of the usual mouthpieces had previous engagements.

Not a problem, as most of the “Obama-water-carrying glitterati” had been called in earlier this month for “consultation” on issues related to our persistent Scandalanche® which has negatively been effecting Big Guy’s ability to impose his will implement his “common sense solutions” to America’s nagging problems.

Butt allow me to turn this conversation over to somebody more capable of explaining the situation: Victor Davis Hansen. He’s not confused by Big Guy’s Wonderland of Jabberwocky; he just calls it rhetoric, and treats it accordingly:

After all, we have never had a president who descended the steps of Air Force One with such catlike agility, hands almost as paws lightly bouncing in synchronization with each elfish footstep.

 

“I taught Obama to Prance!” [Gerard studied Prancercizing yesterday, and again today]

(And now you know the real inspiration for Psy’s Gangnan Style)

Never has a commander in chief so casually, so confidently approached the podium as if he were popping open his own laptop, his jaw almost in Mussolini style thrust out, with eyes fixed three feet above the heads of the audience — all with just the right mixture of self-assurance and canned humility.

In fact, he outdoes Benito

Never has a president so mastered the teleprompter — no easy task in itself — with just the right pauses, followed with a timely ratcheting up of passion, punctuated with a half-smile, a grimace, a laugh.

Hey you!

Never has a president mastered both the art of empty bluster and the art of bowing.

 

Never has a president so mastered the patois and cadences of an intended audience: with corporate CEOs, he sounds like a(n) Ivy League Citibank exec;

 

“Get Bernanke on the phone!” 

with foreign-policy types, he can out-authenticate the multicultural experts with accentuation like “the Taleeeban” and “Pakeeestan.”

 

Among African-Americans, he drops his g’s, affects the slight drawl of the South, inserts an old-time Southern colloquialism, and follows the mannerisms of a Rev. Wright thundering at Trinity Church.

 

Bearing witness on the campaign trail

Among Latinos, the “r” is rolled, and accent marks fall in the proper places, better than any third-generation Latino evening-television newsreader.

 

Obama for el Presidente! Hecho in America!

In short, Obama is the most impressive sophist of his age.

What else could you expect from a community organizer demoted to president?

“If only Barack Obama had something to say…”

I am your Tabula Rasa: I can read anything TOTUS scrolls.

As they say, you really must read the whole thing: Our ‘Make No Mistake About It’/'Let Me Be Perfectly Clear’ President.

A freeze frame captures the precise moment TOTUS realizes that everything he’s scrolling is pure sophistry. And not even good sophistry at that.

REMEMBER: “THERE IS NO POTUS WITHOUT TOTUS!”

Linked By: American Digest, and Bookworm Room, and Andrea Shea-King, Laurie Guthrie, Kevin Kramer, Mark Paquette on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

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No, Not Here - Over There: Lady M’s Got Veggies! Shiny!

Transparency: redacted

My Administration is committed to creating an unprecedented level of openness in Government. We will work together to ensure the public trust and establish a system of transparency, public participation, and collaboration. Openness will strengthen our democracy and promote efficiency and effectiveness in Government. – WhiteHouse.gov

What’s going on with the most transparent Administration ever in the history of the world?

While at the FEC Lois Lerner practiced extortion? The DOJ is spying on journalists doing their job? The IRS is harassing conservative Republicans? Homeland Security is “monitoring” peaceful Tea Party protests?

It almost sounds like your government is trying to intimidate you into not doing things they don’t want you to do,

and make you do things they do want you to.

The long gun of the law: the only gun allowed

I don’t know about your olfactory gland, butt mine is picking up the wiff of…dare I say it?…tyranny.

It smells like the full force of the Federal Government bringing it’s heavy steel-toed boot to the throat of the little people. What! Wait a minute! Isn’t that the purview of…the jack-booted right wing?

Hey you! “The Rest of the American People”  Wake up!!! Smell the coffee. Or something.

Yikes! We’ve got a new federal police force? At Homeland Security? Is that in the Constitution? Well at least now we know what they’re doing with all those bullets they’ve sucked off the market and out of your cold, dead hands.

Butt none of that is really “news”. Let’s turn our attention now to where your government wants it to be: on Lady M’s amazing charms and her magical organic Garden of Good and Evil.

That’s right boys and girls! It’s already time for our first official “summer” garden harvest! [Note: in Washington D.C. “summer” – like everything else - arrives when we say so, or when it’s convenient for our agenda.] So - bring on the little children and the smelly fruits of our labor:

  I don’t want to smell your stinky fennel; you smell it.

Eeuuu! Smells like mendacity to me.

Meanwhile, Lady M took her considerable charms to Boston yesterday to raise $600,000 at a fundraiser for Rep. Ed Markey - who never met a tax increase he didn’t like. For $37,600 a pop, supporters got a gourmet lunch and the opportunity to hear words of wisdom from both Senate candidate Markey:

“The first lady is a symbol of our future,” Markey told reporters outside the fundraiser at the Taj Boston. “She inspires millions of Americans, millions of people around the world, on a daily basis.”

And Lady M herself:

Inside the hotel, Obama told the crowd, “if you want to have my husband’s back, you need to support” Markey, according to a tweet from Carl Nilsson, Markey’s field director.

As always, fans like Andrea McLeod, a retired business consultant, eagerly stood in line for hours for the opportunity to shell out her money to see Lady M: 

“Anybody who grows vegetables in the White House garden has my vote,” she said.

Thanks Andrea, butt Lady M isn’t running for anything just yet. Although if that’s how you feel, I can introduce you to a few of your candidates for the U.S. Senate: Carlos, Diego and Manuel.

     

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Cole Gaskins, Mireille Buser, Rock Searle, Steven P. Duhon, on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

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