Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Obama-rama to launch Mitt-apocalypse

Corvallis, Oregon? Well, Marbella, Spain it’s not, butt it’s the best we could do under the circumstances.

The media seems to be waking from their 3 year slumber a bit, so we have to be a little more discriminating about how we spend our free time and your money. So it looks like we can’t take our customary August pre-vaycay vaycay this year without a lot of jibs flapping. So that’s why we settled for flying Air Force Won Two out to visit big bro, his skinny white wife and their Halfrican-American baby, who reminds Lady M of Big Guy – except for the red hair.


And  you can ignore the rumors about a tiff between Lady M and Big Guy; it’s really nothing more than the usual.


Anyway, with Lady M out of the house Big Guy and his team could finally focus on the important issues: strategies to WTF in 2012.

Big Guy’s team assumes that Mitt’s going to be the “contender” so they’ve drafted a plan for “Mitt-acopolypse” in which we’re going to destroy Romney by claiming he’s “inauthentic,” “unprincipled” and “weird.” Throw in “arrogant” “inexperienced” and  “gay” and we could have a veritable Obama-rama experience! This is going to be fun!

If we have to, we can also drag in that whole business about the secret Mormon underwear and the too-good-to-be-true Mormon hair.


Which  you have to admit is really more presidential than Wasp hair:

donald hair

And the team is also considering using the fact that Mitt’s Dad was once brainwashed when he was running for president. They think this could be useful because they can contend that the apple never falls far from the tree - like-father-like-son and all. Although I’m not sure we want to head down that path.

Let’s review the Père et Fils similarities of Mitt and BO:

First, the similarities between Mitt and George


George: Mexico! (looks like he couldn’t have been President even if he hadn’t been brainwashed!)

Mitt: Michigan


George: Autodidact (self-educated)

Mitt: BA Brigham Young; JD, MBA Harvard, cum laude (and there are records)


George: CEO, American Motors; Governor, MI

Mitt: CEO, Bain Capital; Governor, MA

Political Philosophy:

George: moderate conservative Republican

Mitt: moderate, moderate conservative Republican

Number of wives:

George: 1, (butt entitled to more)

Mitt: ditto

And now, consider the uncanny similarities between Big Guy and his doting father, despite the fact he wasn’t around much. Genetics are awesome!


BHO Sr.: Harvard educated (no records available)

BHO Jr.: Harvard educated (no records available)


BHO Sr.: government functionary (and community organizer)

BHO Jr.: government puppet (and community organizer)

Political Philosophy:

BHO Sr.: Marxist, anti-imperialist

BHO Jr.: Wild-ass Marxist and anti-imperialist


BHO Sr.: Kenya

BHO Jr.: Kenya, by way of Hawaii


BHO Sr.: 2 or more

BHO Jr.: 1(to a member of the opposite sex)

Reggie_Love_1Reggie Love, picking up Big Guy’s laundry

On second thought, maybe we’ll just leave that “like father like son” part out of the mix for now.