Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The British are Coming

Did you hear about the Brits coming to visit Big Guy and Lady M at the Big White?

sam cam arrives

And the Brits always bring the nicest gifts with them. Although for some reason we occasionally  return them.

So yesterday, Lady M entertained Samantha Cameron by dragging her off to a “mini-Olympic” event. I’ve never heard of “mini Olympic events” before so I think it’s just something we ginned-up to impress Sam Cam with Lady M’s ability to get down with the little people. She’s not afraid to make a fool of herself, you know, in order to get those kids’ fat behinds moving.

So I’ve been asking myself ever since yesterday afternoon: how is it that Samantha Cameron can attend a mini-Olympic event and not look silly?

mo thumbs up

And then it hit me: Brits, being a reserved lot, seem to attend these events as observers rather than participants. Those Brits – they can be a bit stuffy that way. Lady M on the other hand is not like that in the least; she’s always game to get down with, well, whatever. Yesterday it was tennis.

running in heels

So while Sam Cam stood graciously on the sidelines, allowing her hostess to direct air traffic,

mo bring it

and show off demonstrate that athletic prowess she’s so famous for…

mo about that form

by gamely smashing tennis balls around in her high heels, Sam stood demurely on the sidelines in her very high heels:

mo heelsJust trying to level the playing field

So I’ve concluded that the Brits really are different from Americans. When they’re guests in your country they behave like guests. Whereas visiting Americans sometimes act like they’re the host; even if they don’t know their way around all that well. And aren’t all that clear on the proper protocol;

obamas420-420x0-420x0No touching the royals – pleeze!

 obama-royal-ceremony-1_20110524160618_320_240And no reading your toast while the British national anthem is playing.

And while I’m on the subject, it’s always best to check the year before your trip so you don’t sign historical documents with the wrong one:

signature …not that 2008 wasn’t a very historical year, it’s just that it was about 3 years prior.

Anyway, for his part Big Guy did what any thoughtful host would do: he took his guest to a NCAA basketball playoff game in Dayton, Ohio. Prime Minister Cameron has never even been to a basketball game before because they don’t play basketball in Britain (too many white guys). So you can imagine how excited he was to jump on a plane right after disembarking from his trans-Atlantic flight and fly off to Ohio.

this way little manThis way, little man, we’re off to a $365,000 basketball game

And again, Big Guy was the perfect host, providing food:

bo cam talkin and eatin

and entertainment:

bo cam2Bread and circuses: are we having fun yet?

Mr. Cameron, for his part, was the perfect guest, following his hosts lead:

        bo cam 4bo cam7

        bo cam hot dogsbo cam5

So I hope the Brits had fun yesterday, because we really showed them the genuine side of the Wons’: Lady M, not afraid to “make a fool out of herself” to get kids mooving:

mo p-sack-race[16] Lady M’s potato sack race with Jimmy Fallon

…and Big Guy’s love of the hoops:

bo stuffs itOr maybe it’s the hotdogs that Lady M lets him eat at hoop games

Tonight: a big dinner for the Brits, although not technically a “state” dinner because that would be reserved for the Queen herself, should she ever deign to visit, butt it will be a really big deal anyway. The chefs were out first thing this morning harvesting greens from Lady M’s organic garden of good and evil in order to serve our now signature weed salad tonight.


I haven’t seen the whole menu yet, but we’ve heard that PM Cameron loves homegrown veggies and meat. So I’m guessing steak, again. One thing I can confirm: there will be no Soylent Pink within 25 miles of the Big White. Ever.

Anyway, I’ve got to run: they need a little help setting up that really big tent out back where we’ll be serving our Lady M’s farm-to-table dinner tonight. This is considered important because the Brits are among our few remaining allies. So I sure hope nobody jeopardizes that relationship by acting stupidly.

churchill bustGeorge W. Bush accepting a bust of Winston Churchill from the British Ambassador. Big Guy sent him home; Winnie, not the Ambassador.