Is it a wee bit early to be thinking about the 2016 Prezzy Election? Yeah, it probably is. Butt I’m a tired of not-de-funding Obamacare and roasting Weiners, so, I’m going to jump right in with my first, official 2016 Presidential poll: “Which Democratic Girl Will Be Nominated?” and why?
Why only Democrats? Because they’ve got their plan nailed down and every one of their ducks in a row. It’s easy when you’ve had the same, basic plan of HOPE & CHANGE since 1913.
Why "only girls? Because the Democratic the master plan calls for making history again by electing the first girl President. Big Guy proved that the best way to mobilize the LIVs (Low Information Voters) is to make the choice “Historic”: “Elect America’s the first black President, or you’re a racist.”
The strategery is clearly sound because Big Guy “WON!,” ipso fatso, future nominees will have the best shot at “Occupying” the Big White if they are also the “historic” choice. And the Dems are loaded with tantalizing, historic choices: girls, latinos, indians (woo woo, not Eastern), eskimos, muslims, illegal aliens, sexters and LGBTQs. Geez, that’s 5, historic election wins based on sexual preference alone!
Sorry; Only One “Historic First” Category Per Person.
Assuming the R-words will keep cheesing off conservatives and libertarians by acting like Democrats, that pretty much makes the White House “Blue” for at least the next 22 elections.
It’s no surprise that the Democratic party bench (the party of Sandra Fluke rhymes with duck) is deep in X chromosomes, and our leadoff batter is Hillary. Big Guy’s old secretary is, not just the presumptive nominee, butt a confirmed “Rock Star” (h/t: John McCain). After all, she’s earned the title by standing by her men (Big Dawg & Big Guy), she’s the former smartest woman to ever live (title now held by Lady M) and her odds of “WINNING!” just got a big boost when NBC endorsed her with a new 4-part miniseries starring Diane Lane as her Hillness.
Butt with all that going for her, she’s far from a shoe in. She discovered that in 2008. Fancy Nancy Pelosi has already made history as the
Congressman to have more cosmetic surgeries than than Kim Kardashian first, historic girl Speaker of the House. Further down the bench, and I’m in trouble for not making her first, is Lady M, her own bad self. No need to dwell on her vast her qualifications: World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ (h/t: Cripes Suzette).
Rounding out my poll are Democratic superwomen Janet “Bruno” Napolitano, Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren, and my surprise pick, Chelsea Clinton.
I know I’ve left out many contenders: Sgt, Wasserman-Schultz, future Secretary of Homeland Security and Mars Pathfinder expert, Sheila Jackson Lee and fashion icon contender, Rosa Delauro, to name just a few. They may pop up in future polls because they are NOT going away.
Remember, the question is “Which girl do you think will win?” NOT “Which girl would you vote for” (‘cause I would move to Venezuela before I’d vote for any of them...uh...except for Lady M!) and as always, Chicago Rules are in effect. Vote early, vote often. Polls will remain open until I get back from the beach. HOPE I don’t get sun burned.
Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network