MOTUS A.D.: Dr. Carbon: “He’s got a Law Degree, a pen and a phone”

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Dr. Carbon: “He’s got a Law Degree, a pen and a phone”

The world is filled with frauds; for instance, there’s NPR’s “Dr.” Science who, it turns out, is not a doctor and doesn’t know very much about science either:

Ask Dr. Science is a daily broadcast on many public radio stations, using a format that mixes elements of a commercial bumper and a public service announcement. A concerned citizen asks a question, which is answered by an expert, "Dr. Science." Not surprisingly, the questions are never answered correctly, and are often little more than a launching point for a non sequitur monologue from Dr. Science. The show's motto is "He knows more than you do." The sketch always concludes with the disclaimer that he is "not a real doctor," although Dr. Science insists he has "a Master's Degree... in science!" – Wikipedia

And then there is Dr. Nick Riviera, Springfield’s undocumented doctor:

Dr. Nicholas "Nick" Riviera is a recurring fictional character in the American animated sitcom The Simpsons. Dr. Nick is an inept quack physician, and a satire of incompetent medical professionals. Upon entering a scene, Dr. Nick's catchphrase is "Hi, everybody!", with the characters present immediately responding (in chorus) "Hi, Dr. Nick!". – Wikipedia

And then there’s Dr. Carbon, who also is not a doctor or a scientist butt plays one on TV. His character pretends that he can slow the oceans from rising and heal the planet with a single carbon tax.

“Hola! I’m President Obama and I’ve got law degree! And a pen and a phone. And I will use them to command my mighty EPA to make your carbon footprint smaller! You know - to level the playing field: I intend to transform America into another turd world country in just one generation!”

Here’s Dr. Carbon on a field trip, where he discovers that snow melts in summer temperatures and explains to his acolytes why it’s bad for glaciers to retreat:

Residents of the Great Lakes state beg to differ: were it not for retreating glaciers 14,000 years ago, there would be no Great Lakes.

And unless I’m mistaken, 14,000 years ago was a bit before the Industrial Revolution. So whose damn carbon footprint caused that global warming, Hola! Paging Dr.Carbon!