Warning: the following contains adult reflections, adult content and psychological nudity. Viewer discretion is advised.
(with apologies to Michael Savage)
This is your only warning. If you venture on from here, you do so at your own risk.
I really shouldn’t do this sort of thing, it is my job to reflect Lady M in the best possible manner which, as you know, typically requires the use of industrial strength Spanx, duct tape and boob belts. But since one of my faithful MOL’s filed a special request on the Boodles Jeans post, and because we’ve had a spate of down time on our hands since Asheville, I thought I’d play around a bit.
Here is Cinderella’s request:
“MOTUS, How about one of your famous photoshops? This time of MO in the Danica jeans or as we should call them "Caboodle Jeans"(caboose + boodle = Caboodle). Don't forget to include the platform mules. Please, please, please, pretty please.”
Well, the name alone should have sounded the alarm - “caboodle jeans.” How could stuffing that keister into something called “caboodle jeans” be anything butt pure evil for cripes sake? But as they say, “idle circuits are the devil’s workshop” and as I said, there really hasn’t been too much going on around here. But as I told Cinder – warned her really - even my hard drive has it's limitations.
And in case you’re saying to yourself, “Alright already, MOTUS, enough with the disclaimers. You’re starting to sound like a Goldman Sachs prospectus for a new debt instrument,” all I can say is, I tried to warn you. Now: children, out of the room; pets too, just to be safe – well, cats can probably stay - workplace alert and last but not least, break out the eye-bleach.
Oh, we’re definitely not in Kansas any more, Toto
Sorry about the platform mules though, they don’t come any larger than 12 1/2 WWW even in the cyber world. But don’t worry, the boys are still around to carry water.
Lord have mercy on my soul if Lady M ever catches wind of this. I’ve managed to hide that muffin top for months, hoping she’d get back to the organic salad bar. I sure don’t want to get on her list. She brought back cases of goofer dust from Haiti.
Oh, I shouldn’t have done this. I’m going to hell, aren’t I?
Posts
Yes, you are going to hell. However, the rest of us will be there with you.
ReplyDelete(and don't worry, because I'm an engineer, and I'll have those air conditioners up and working in no time)
Yes you are but not before we spend some quality time with my chain saw.
ReplyDeleteMOTUS, think how pleasent hell will be compared to the country after The Magic Negro is done with it.
ReplyDeleteNo need to worry MOTUS, I have been informed that I have, indeed, earned "one cold day in Hell" for assorted kindly deeds and sacrifices over the years. You're welcome to share that day, if it should be necessary.
ReplyDeleteMO has shown us her muffin-top many times in the last few months. She has always adhered to the motto "if it zips, it fits" but for some personal reason has nothing that works for the buttons on the slacks. Just leaving them unbuttoned (as shown in Mexico) doesn't really work as a fashion-forward ploy. Neither does wearing strange-colored shoes.
We can still see the muffin-top.
MOTUS,
ReplyDeleteI need an extra absorbent paper towel to wipe off all the coffee I just spurted on my computer screen.
You may, indeed, go to hell. However, I'm confident we'll all be down there with you.
What an afterlife that would be! Can you say PARTY.
You're the bee's knees MOTUS.
You're killing me! Noone told me Hell would have such good company.
ReplyDeleteThose fit too well. You know MOO (Michelle Obnoxious) would wear them in a size 2 so that camel toe would be front and center.
ReplyDeleteMOTUS, don't worry about Hell.
ReplyDeleteFirst, we are going all together and it's going to be good company.
Second, due to Gwobal Worming Hell is going to cool down to very comfortable Hawaii climate. But before we are going to have Icelandic style firework, lots of fun! All the extra steam going to Heaven together with extra carbon and other pollution. It's going to be very comfortable in Hell, indeed.
I agree with Anonymous. Those fit too well. And where is camel toe?
Janice,
ReplyDeleteIt’s a relief to know I’ll have such good company. I didn’t know you were an engineer! What kind of train do you drive? Not that it matters, I’m just glad to hear it’ll be air-conditioned.
Gerard,
Oh goody, chain saws! There’s an organic cherry tree out back in the garden of good and evil that Big Guy wants chopped down. Don’t worry, I’ll take the wrap for it.
bettyann,
By the time the Magic Negro gets done with his “Alinsky Does America” tour even Wasilla will look pretty good. If you know what I mean “wink, wink.”
srdem,
“One cold day in Hell” cards? Do you get them when you buy Algore’s carbon credits?
Cinder,
The last time I saw “bee’s knees” was when Doprah was here for the Holiday special and both she and Lady M pushed the envelope on “fashionably short” “frocks.” That burned out a whole circuit in my backup drive. But thanks, anyway.
Moright,
And if we want to get together and open a business, financing shouldn’t be a problem as I understand the entire crew from Goldman’s will be there.
Anon,
This is the “relaxed fit” model.
Vereteno,
That’s the best news yet! I loved Big Guy’s alleged birth state! Especially the Mai Tai’s. And who doesn’t love fireworks? You’ve greatly put my mind at ease. I think I’ll cancel my order for carbon credits – unless I can get a good hedge from Goldman.
Ah, MOTUS, as usual you slay me! I took all your suggestions and warnings and chanced a quick peek and thanks to you, I have to say only one contact had to be removed...the right side which sees up close shriveled and looked a little singed...I'm a little bionic too you know.
ReplyDeleteI don't like this down time. Heaven knows (or is it Hell) what she might get into when not flying about, eating, drinking and looking for fat behinds. I'm pretty sure my "it'll be a cold day in hells" outnumber my "burn in hells" so I feel safe so long as it's a short stay. I believe in reincarnation you see and I (not being completely self-realized) fully expect to be sent back for at least one more life and I have been praying, meditating and imploring the Gods not to send me back...if I should be called back to the void in the next few years (not likely)...during Baby Doc and Mama Doc's reign of terror. I think I just may have enough cosmic brownie points to pull that one off. Naturally you know if I should come out having extras you're first in line...though I'm sure if you check in with your local Yogi you'll find you probably have plenty of your own.
Maybe MO could wear the new Caboodle jeans with her multi-colored ribbon mini she wore at, was it Westminster Abbey?, along with multiple layered loud obnoxious colored too tight cardigans all belted together with either (both are my faves - NOT) the ammo belt or the WWE belt. And then maybe she could have organic dead animal bangles going up to her elbows on both arms, and maybe put about 3 huge flower/bug brooches on the top the close the neckline of the cardis. And to finish it off, for a more formal affair, like meeting heads of state or going to funerals/memorials, she could put on her ubiquitous green shoes, and for a more casual time like jetting around on AF1, she could wear her $540 Lanvin sneaks. What do you think? She would be sooooo fashion-forward, that Arianna at Huffpo and all the other fashion editors would just crap their pants. Figuratively, of course.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just scared the cat, laughing at the caboodle jeans. He's not young anymore and doesn't appreciate surprises.
ReplyDeleteDavy Crockett supposedly once said, "As for all of you, you can go to hell and I will go to Texas." Considering how that turned out, hell might be a better choice.
Civil war General Sherman once said if he owned hell and Texas, he'd live in hell and rent out Texas.
Since I'm a native Texan, if I can't go to Texas when I die, I guess hell will be alot of fun. We can all party and laugh at all the Democrats who will - no doubt - have worse seats than we will.
Madame:
ReplyDeleteOh my, I am so sorry. I could try to get Raj a field assignment on the Monterey Peninsula. He’s really good with bionic stuff.
Maybe, I could get Lady M to go and bring me too. She loves those shops in Carmel, although their not as “forward” as she likes.
Someday I may be able to talk about what MO’s doing while in hiding, but you’ll probably figure it out for yourselves when she re-emerges.
Hub knows more about these cosmic things than I do, so I checked with him. He says that from where he sits (like I said before, I think he’s already in the future) you’ll see a change of the CHANGE before transitioning out for your next life. He said it looks like your next one will be a doosey and you won’t need to use your CBPs.
Kathy N.:
OMG I think MO wants to offer you a job as Wardrobe Czar. You are scary in sync with Lady M’s fashion mojo.
Portia:
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought cats could take it. I think the folks in Texas, Arizona, New Mexico and a few in Southern California wish we had Davey Crockett on the border today.
Well, it looks like I don’t need to worry about going to hell since I’ll have so many friends to have fun with there. Plus, Janice is bringing A/C on her train and Gerard is bringing a chain saw: RRRR, RRRR, RRRR
Portia Elizabeth, I lived in TX for a short time and there was a funny about Sam Houston, Texas and Hell. Do you remember it?
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I want to join y'all in Hell, cause all the company will not be as agreeable as we MOL's. I know that some of our elected and some of the terrorists will be the crispies critters there. Gonna take a whole lot of heat to get 'em crispy enough. Maybe I can stay on the train?
Cherie