Monday, November 14, 2011

Get off your lazy butt: our economic battery needs a jumpstart.

Big Guy has been a bit of a scold lately. You could almost say he’s been a bit dismissive, even derisive of America.

First he said we had gotten a little “soft” -

"I mean, there are a lot of things we can do," Obama said. "The way I think about it is, you know, this is a great, great country that had gotten a little soft and, you know, we didn't have that same competitive edge that we needed over the last couple of decades. We need to get back on track."

bo-obamaAlpha-dog Bo takes beta BO for a walk

umbrella boDon’t get wet sugar! It melts you know.

Then he said that we’ve “lost our imagination and lost our ambition” (!?)

"We have lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge,"

Obama's planetAre you kidding? GE and Big Guy practically invented imagination! Remember “millions of jobs created or saved”  “Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!?” – all invented here.

And now he said we’re lazy too! 

“We’ve been a little bit lazy over the last couple of decades.

                   amd_obama-golfbo b-ball

           obama Feb. 1, 2009
“During a Super Bowl watching party in the White House theatre, the President and First Lady join their guests in watching one of the TV commercials in 3D.”
(Official White House photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.

We’ve kind of taken for granted — ‘Well, people would want to come here’ and we aren’t out there hungry, selling America and trying to attract new businesses into America."






The first “Selling” America tour

Boy, I think Big Guy might want to pull back on that one a little, because he seems to be getting a lot of push back. In fact, there’s been a huge wave of innertubz feedback saying, more or less: “What do you mean we, Kemosabe?”


Wow! That brings back memories of those thrilling days of yesteryear, doesn’t it? Back when “First Nation” peoples were still called “Indians,” good guys wore white hats and bad guys always lost. And none of it carried any racial overtones or implications.

Now we have a black President, so the racial thing is cool, but apparently now we’re soft, lazy and lacking imagination. How did that happen?

You can exclude Lady M from all of those allegations however, as she demonstrated in Hawaii last weekend. Here she has imaginatively draped a Hawaiian table cloth into a lovely new frock for more photo ops in Big Guy’s alleged birth state.

And talk about someone who’s not lazy: Lady M. She’s been workin’ it since we got here. Take yesterday for example:

mo bless usBlessing the spouses meal

spouses lunchEating the Spouses meal

Entertaining the spouses with personal stories about herself:

“And our family has the privilege of coming here -- the burden of coming back here every year. (Laughter.) And that's really one of the reasons I married Barack. (Laughter.) When I realized that this is where we'd be spending the holidays, I said, "Yes -- I love you!" (Laughter.) So Barack and I, we have a tradition: Over the last 20, maybe -- more than 20 years, because we started coming back even before we were engaged; every year we come here for two weeks and spend time getting to know this wonderful island and spending time with our families.” (snip) And ever since I first met Barack, he’s always talked about how growing up here, in this place, has shaped his character and his perspective -- and it's true. He is a very calm, focused individual,

bo calm focusedCalm, focused…butt not lazy!

Butt back to Lady M’s hard workin’ and sacrificin’ for the American people chores:

hawaii mPosing in our special Hawaiian-themed table cloth dress

Kim Yoon-Ok so ko moPlacing herself in imminent danger by posing with tiny Koreans and giant sharks

mo aussie partnerLetting some Aussie dude nibble on her ear.

So enough talk about Americans being fat, lazy and unimaginative.  I’m surprised at Big Guy. Not only is he sartorially quite imaginative,

bofauntleroycopy_thumb[1]MA30341424-0011Imagine a dandier outfit than this: I can’t

…butt he also, almost single handedly, invented the very innovative Chevy Volt that not only runs on lithium ion batteries, butt apparently has powers of spontaneous combustion as well. Sure, there are still a few bugs to work out, butt heck, we’ll just throw another gazillion dollars at it and that should make it work. Just like solar.

And don’t worry if you already bought one of these innovative Government-mandated GM cars for $50k, (less your tax payer contribution of $7800) the government spokesmouth says they are perfectly safe: "The Volt is safe; it does not pose a risk beyond a normal vehicles," GM spokesman Greg Martin said.

And you can take that to the bank. Assuming the highly motivated OWIES who have a lot of innovative ideas for the country will let you through to make your deposit.


Hey! I’ve got an innovative idea! Why don’t we give the banks to the government, and then maybe they will spontaneously combust too. Oh, wait…we already did that, didn’t we?

Meanwhile, I see Big Guy has designated himself as “America’s first Pacific President.” And soon he’ll be off to visit the rest of his kingdom on this year’s “Blame America First” tour, which is sure to draw investment to our shores like flies to…uh, well, you know. And don’t worry, our Pacific President will be back in time to celebrate our traditional American Fall holiday commemorating how the white man oppressed the First Nations Peoples.

Regarding Lady M’s travel plans: up in the air. She’s still negotiating the terms of our accommodations and shopping budget. Some A-hole on Big Guy’s re-election campaign got the bright idea that we should cut back on our travel expenses as part of our new Executive Order “to root out waste and misspent tax dollars.”  We’ll be replacing that trouble maker with someone who’s more of a “Team Obama” player very soon.