Sunday, November 13, 2011

Playing Black Jack: Black Hearts Rule and Ace is High

You’ll be relieved to know that the weather has been quite nice here in Honolulu.

Ma'o Organic Farms2

Normally we wouldn’t have picked the hurricane season for Big Guy’s APEC conference, butt due to our new motto (“to root out waste and misspent tax dollars”), we had to come off-season in order to qualify for the reduced rates. Especially since the entire Department of Commerce apparently had to accompany us. Those numbers can add up quickly without a discount.

It’s been a very busy trip so far, with Lady M’s visit to the Mao organic farm. Oh. I guess that’s “MA’O” – which means something in the native Hawaiian language, butt I don’t seem to have a language module for that. Butt I do know it’s a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. So you know it means well.

mao mo and gang signsLady M and her posse at MA’O, flashing their gang signs

“The 24-acre farm raises some three dozen varieties, which it sells to local restaurants and grocery stores. It also employs at-risk area youth who work a three-year internship in exchange for tuition at a local community college.”

Here’s Lady M going all native at the organic farm with the at-risk kids:

mo maoWow! Check out those organic turnips!

Then there was all the sacrificin’ at the official opening dinner. For the occasion Lady M selected a gray and white silk frock with a pink beauty contest sash completing the ensemble: 

mo laureen harperLady M with Canadian FL, Laureen Harper

The look’s not too bad straight on, butt, as usual, angles and rear views are a real strain – and I’m not just talking about on my refractive optic lenses:

limits of lipo moincoming

Greeting our guests with gracious restraints

The strain is especially noticeable under harsh lighting where jutting “cheek bones” cast long shadows.

As you can see, the hostess made quite an impression on some of our more influential guests:

mo butt medvedev 

Butt in Dmitri’s defense, this is what he he saw from his vantage point:

mo med no wonder

A strong woman, considerably larger than him, making threatening gestures in his direction. And you know how chauvinist Russian men are.

Bo and MedvedevStrike up the band: BO and Dmitri want to cut a rug

Getting back to an issue of considerably more weight: I’m afraid we may soon be hit with another conflict of interest scandal right here in the East Wing of the Big White. It’s all based on unproven allegations that Lady M was lobbied by certain candy companies. Remember, at this point it’s just an allegation. Butt the rumor has it that there may or may not be internal emails confirming that Lady M agreed to wear certain clothes promoting certain candy brands in exchange for an unlimited supply of said confections of her choice.

If that turns out to be the case, there will be hell to pay. Those liposuctions are not as easy and “painless” as you may have been led to believe.

Anyway, the scuttlebutt seems to be based on what critics consider damning “evidence” from our trip so far. First, there’s the allegation about the Black Heart promotion:

              jest us kidsblackheart candy

And now there seems to be some evidence of an affiliation with the makers of Black Jacks:

black jack and mo

…and Allsorts.

            blacktaffy_624_generalblack jacks

A potential  future wardrobe color palate from our new “couture” confection closet:

closet choices copy

We really don’t need this scandal. Of course, let me point out again that it’s simply speculation at this time. Butt even so, how is this going to look the next time we start yapping about promoting our “No Child’s Fat Behind” program?

strange lightingThe limits of lipo on bold display

Not good, I tell you, not good. Butt again, I emphasize, these are merely allegations. At this time.


Say, maybe Big Guy can get some endorsements too! What do you think by way of slogans?Black Jack: better than crack!  or Black Jack: Made in America since 2008; well, you can come up with your own. Please submit your favorites. Winning entry gets a free lunch with Big Guy and Joey B. Or in lieu of the lunch, you can get your own bag of Black Hearts and Black Jacks.

Linked By: Blonde on News Busters, Thanks!