MOTUS A.D.: A Night Filled With Boobs...Oh, and it’s Waning!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

A Night Filled With Boobs...Oh, and it’s Waning!

Allow me to summarize last night’s festivities: it sucked. Conan sucked, Big Guy sucked, the whole thing was really sucky. Butt then it always is; that’s why everyone plans all those great after-parties.

Thousands of lights lit the way to the Bloomberg-Vanity Fair After-the-Party-Party

Big Guy was funnier than the professional comedian hired to host the affair (as required by a clause in his contract).The room was hot, the food was cold, and everything else was tepid. If you want to hear the lame jokes check out Politco or HuffPo. I’m going to focus on the real purpose of this event: personalities and boobage.

As usual we had in attendance both the old media and the new media,

or, in the case of Arianna, both rolled into one, and I do mean rolled.

old pols and new and -

equally terrifying

old Hollywood – and I do mean OLD,

along with new Hollywood -

Duck Dynasty stars Korie and Willie Robertson

Aside from a few young guys and dolls thrown in to make things smell fresh, it was essentially the same party we’ve had the last 5 years; the same red carpet, the same old Obama groupies (Katy Perry, Kerry Washington, Jon bon Jovi, Claire Danes, Amy Poehler, Sharon Stone), the same old Obama bundlers (Steven Spielberg,Harvey Weinstein, Jeffery Katzenberg, George Lucas, Barbra Streisand), and even the same old jokes.

The only thing missing at this celebrity awards show were actual awards. So I decided to give some of my own.

First, the “Funkiest Hair” award. At any other event this award would have gone, hands-down, to comedian host Conan O'Brian. Butt this year he got serious competition from Lady M, so I’m calling it a tie:

Then there’s the “Implacable Hair” award, which goes to Anna Wintour, simply because hers has been around longer than Calista Gingrich’s Nike swoop:

Then there’s the “Odd Couple” award, another tie, going to the “Reverend” Al Sharpton and Chrissy Matthews, and anti-gun nut Piers Morgan and his “man date,” Machine Gun Preacher star, Gerard Butler.

Honorable mention to Geraldo Rivera and Jon Bon Jovi:

For the “Best Gut Shot” award, another perennial winner, Harvey Weinstein:

Although Chrissy McTingles was a close runner up and will definitely be a future contender:

My last award is for the guest most likely to have a mug shot taken later in the evening. The honor this year goes to George Stephanopoulos’ wife, Alexandra Wentworth. Although they both showed up looking like they were well into their cups -

Alexandra kicked the award out of the park by willingly posing for her pre-mug shot:

Which reminds me, I do have one other prize to award: the Goofiest Face award. Alexandra would have been a runner up if we didn’t have so many professionals to deal with. Again, in any normal arena, this award would have gone to host Conan O’Brian:

Butt this isn’t a normal arena. And these aren’t any normal faces. So again, another tie: to the WONS!

In summary: another successful evening of entertainment for the ruling elite by the court jesters.

Maybe we have blurred the edges a bit too much between the worlds of media, politics and entertainment, turning all of them into “celebrities” to the detriment of all of us living in the real world.

As Dewey from Detroit reminded us in “Celebrity Culture,” Andy Warhol was indeed prescient:

Clearly the man who predicted that “in the future everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes” knew a thing or two about the endurance of celebrity culture.

In 1968 when Andy made his famous prediction, “celebrity” was still a subset, rather than the defining aspect, of pop culture. And although it was considered “low” culture at the time, to designate it as such today would elevate it to an unfounded level. Even in an era where everything from poverty to death has been assigned its own “culture” it still seems oxymoronic to talk about “celebrity culture.”

It’s just that this seems like a very long 15 minutes.