MOTUS A.D.: Keep Carrying that Water: the Elephants need it.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Keep Carrying that Water: the Elephants need it.

Memories of a world filled with freaks and clowns, with wonder and pain and anger and passion; a world with its own narrow, irrational rules, its own way of life, and its own way of death. (snip) …everyone in this third-rate circus was lucky to have any job at all. - synopsis, Water for Elephants.

Lady M has turned her attention to another aspect of our life that needs governmental attention: water consumption. Accordingly, she launched a nationwide campaign yesterday in Watertown, WI.

(Lady M) through her "Let's Move!" initiative, and the Partnership for a Healthier America are bringing together a coalition from industry, entertainment, media and government to get behind the campaign.

The tagline of the campaign is deceptively simple — Drink Up.

“I said, ‘drink up’”

A release from Michelle Obama's office said that according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "More than 40% of Americans drink less than half of the recommended amount of water daily, and approximately one-fourth of children don't drink any water on any given day."

Some adults don’t drink any water either.

Sam Kass, the executive director of Let's Move!, said: "Our core messages are that drinking more water is the fastest and easiest choice that we can make every day. ...Water is the original energy drink. This is a really exciting, fun and very positive campaign that is really going to inspire people to drink more water."

Whatever

For example, did you know that playing sports outside in high temperatures without drinking adequate water can lead to dehydration? (signs: dry mouth, general disorientation)

Wow! Look at MO’s form! She should throw out the first ball for Big Guy.

In fact, even non-contact, indoors sports like the Halo Toss requires proper hydration:

Lest you become delusional

Lack of water effects everything; your judgment, for example:

That’s funny, these gym clothes fit me perfectly this morning!

And bad judgment could lead you to chose all the wrong Forme Jacket Cuffins* for your activities:

four-way stretch Luon® fabric wicks sweat away from post-practice skin
fold over the cozy cuffins (cuff mittens - they're the best of both worlds) when your fingers get chilly
dropped hem gives you more coverage in the rear
secure zipper pockets for your phone, keys and cash
thumbholes help your sleeves stay in place
soft zipper garage helps keep your chin from getting chafed

Let’s just stipulate that four-way stretch anything on Lady M is a bad idea. Oh sure, it sounds like a good idea, what with those thumbholes to keep your sleeves in place. Butt unless there are big toe holes to hold your pants in place, I’m just telling you, they’re not a good idea for MO’s athletic build - if you catch my drift. Because if your clothes fit incorrectly (probably due to all that extra water weight) you will be uncomfortable, as will everyone around you.

Shaq: some people make you smaller

There is an odd coalition of supporters for MO’s latest initiative; the Partnership for a Healthier America is a nonpartisan, nonprofit group with backing from the beverage industry, media, government and entertainers like Eva Longoria.

Eva: and some people make your larger – it’s the rabbit hole effect.

Butt file this under you can’t make everybody happy:

Environmental advocates say they're disappointed the campaign ignores concerns about plastic bottles ending up in waterways and reductions in federal funding for public water systems.

We applaud the first lady's initiative to encourage people to choose water over sugary beverages, but we do have concerns that this partnership is working in conjunction with the bottled water industry and wish that instead she were encouraging people to choose the much more affordable, more regulated option of tap water," said Emily Wurth, water program director for Food and Water Watch.

And, as always, there are critics who complain about all of Lady M’s good works, and cynics who question everything anybody does to save the world:

Nestle said the message that Americans don't drink enough water is questionable.

"I'm not aware of any nutrition science that backs that up ... there's so much water in food and in what people are eating that unless you're an elite athlete, at very high altitude or old where your thirst mechanism doesn't work very well, it's just simply a non-issue in my view," Nestle said.

It’s almost as if they think Lady M is just pimping these programs to promote an agenda, or something.

The latest campaign is backed by the American Beverage Association, which represents the makers of soft drinks, sports drinks, energy drinks and juices as well as bottled water, and the International Bottled Water Association.

Nestle said it actually helps the major soft drink companies, which have seen a decrease in soda sales and are investing heavily in promoting bottled water brands and other drinks, she said.

"This is a partnership with soda companies to promote their bottled waters," Nestle said.

I mean it’s not as if these companies are big campaign donors or anything, right? What? They are? Well, never mind.

In other news, this just in: Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been charged in France with proxénétisme aggravé or, as they say in Detroit, “aggravated pimping.” I’m not sure what that is, butt I’ll bet most of the people in our administration could be charged with it too.

Anyway, in parting, just remember Lady M’s wise words with respect to staying hydrated:

"Water is so basic, and because it is so plentiful, sometimes we just forget about it… Mrs. Obama said. "The truth is, water just gets drowned out."

We’re drowning here, people!