MOTUS A.D.: Shutdown Day 10: A Cinderella Story Emerges

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Shutdown Day 10: A Cinderella Story Emerges

It looks like I survived the clash of the titans round on iOTW last night, thanks to my posse of MOLs, MODs, MYLs, MYDs, and FOMs!!! And while I’m deeply honored, I’m more than a little surprised as well. I mean, did you SEE the competitors? Ann Barnhart – she’s brilliant and she burns Korans in her spare time; Atlas Shrugs’ Pam Geller – she’s a one woman tour de force seeking to wake America up to the dangers of creeping Sharia, publishing stories that nobody in the MSM finds newsworthy; American Thinker home of our own Clarice – enough said – who doesn’t love it? And the incomparable Mark Steyn!!! The only fill-in host better than the host himself? Just being named on the same page with these bloggers gives me the vapors.

And while BFH’s multiple large bold type explanations were quite clear:

The instructions were *explicit (*jimbo edit, ty) and were in giant bold type and the voting section had an additional message to be careful when voting- the person you thumbed up meant that that person was the one you wanted to see eliminated from the Final Four.

…still. Don’t get me wrong; I’m honored to have advanced to the finals, and ready to do battle. Butt I was thinking, what if this is a mistake? What if despite all the warning signs,

people still thought they were voting for their favorite by giving it a thumbs up? Normally that lack of reading comprehension skill would be, well, incomprehensible. Butt then, I saw this article about Americans being dumber than even the average dumb globalist.

Could that be it? Have Americans turned into a big herd of Dumbos? So to speak.

This new possibility could reopen many an old can of worms. For example, maybe Algore really did win the presidential election back in 2000! Perhaps people in Florida really were so confused by the voting instructions (written by Democrats, butt that’s irrelevant) that when they pulled the George W. Bush lever or punched the little black box next to his name they really thought they were casting a vote for Algore. I mean, come on, those low hanging chads didn’t just appear on their own.

At a minimum, this newly discovered Adult-onset idiocy explains some of the emerging mysteries of the 21st century. For example, I finally understand why so many people believe Algore’s myth of global warming: it was a door prize! They felt so bad about him having the election stolen from him that they decided to make him a multi-millionaire in the mythical carbon credits industry.

Selling his worthless TV station to Middle Eastern propagandists was just a bonus.

That’s one more thumb’s up vote for Al!

And it sure goes a long way in explaining how Big Guy WON two rounds of votes. LoFoVo’s are not known for their reading comprehension skills or - for that matter - reading at all.

Heading to the voting booth after the Obama rally

Let’s look a little closer at what the article says about American adults being dumber than the average global bear these days:

It’s long been known that America’s school kids haven’t measured well compared with international peers. Now, there’s a new twist: Adults don’t either.

In math, reading and problem-solving using technology – all skills considered critical for global competitiveness and economic strength – American adults scored below the international average on a global test, according to results released Tuesday.

Americans scored toward the bottom in the category of problem solving in a technology rich environment. The top five scores in the areas were from Japan, Finland, Australia, Sweden and Norway, while the US score was on par with England, Estonia, Ireland and Poland. In nearly all countries, at least 10 percent of adults lacked the most basic of computer skills such as using a mouse.

-Japanese and Dutch adults who were ages 25 to 34 and only completed high school easily outperformed Italian or Spanish university graduates of the same age.

-In England, Germany, Italy, Poland, and the United States, social background has a big impact on literacy skills, meaning the children of parents with low levels of education have lower reading skills.

America’s school kids have historically scored low on international assessment tests compared to other countries, which is often blamed on the diversity of the population and the high number of immigrants. Also, achievement tests have long shown that a large chunk of the US student population lacks basic reading and math skills – most pronounced among low-income and minority students.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the number of “immigrants” that come here thinking they really don’t need to learn how to speak English? Can I ask that? Is it racist?

Anyway, here’s the good news:

-The average scores in literacy range from 250 in Italy to 296 in Japan. The US average score was 270. (500 was the highest score in all three areas.) Average scores in 12 countries were higher than the average US score.

-The average scores in math range from 246 in Spain to 288 in Japan. The US average score was 253, below 18 other countries.

-The average scores on problem solving in technology-rich environments ranged from 275 in Poland to 294 in Japan. The US average score was 277, below 14 other countries

Hey! That’s not so bad; we’re better than Italy in literacy, better than Spain in math, and better than Poland in problem solving; of course Poland’s still trying to figure out how many people it takes to screw in a light bulb. You knew that was coming, right?

We’ve got it figured out; now if the supervisor would just get here, we’re all set.

So, Yay! We’re number 13, 19 and 15! Woo-hoo! Take that, China!

To quote that great American philosopher, Homer Simpson:

"Did we lose a war? That's not America. That's not even Mexico." - Homer Simpson, Trash of the Titans

The good news is that my posse tops them all in reading and comprehension skills! Consequently, I WON!!! Well, at least I didn’t get voted off the island.

I think Menderman gave the perfect analysis of BFH’s tricky methodology in the “Contest Comment section”:

After noodling on that for a while, I concluded that this is the way we should conduct our national elections. Think about it: the High Information Voters will comprehend the instructions and vote for their choice correctly, whether their choice is right or ~~not~~ left.

The ~~morons~~ Low Information Voters will stumble into the booth, click on the Democrat and we will WIN!!!

Brilliant!!!

Anyway, this one in is the history books, and while I’m sad to see Ann Barnhart depart, I’m still in the mix!!!

Thank you sooooooo much for being High Information Voters and keeping me on the island!!!

This Cinderella moves on to the Final Four!!!