MOTUS A.D.: The Briefcase Returns to End Our Malaise: Boom-Chuck-A-Luck-A

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Briefcase Returns to End Our Malaise: Boom-Chuck-A-Luck-A

Big Guy went to Sunnylands, the former Annenberg estate at Rancho Mirage, last week to command the oceans to recede faster in order to end California’s drought caused by global warming. He also called for more federal dollars for a "climate resilience fund" to pay for “research, preparation and infrastructure to deal with extreme weather and new conditions associated with shifts in the weather” (also known as “seasons”).

“Yeah, I need about a billion dollars for snowplows in California.Know anybody who can do that?”

It’s all part of his "Climate Action Plan" that Big Guy unveiled last summer, and if Congress won’t act on it to end California’s drought, he might have to take action on his own and impose a country-wide water ban.

Although I don’t think Lady M is going to like that very much:

From our “Keep Carrying that Water- the Elephants need it” campaign

Anyway, Big Guy says that global warming has caused California’s reservoirs to dry up and only the government can save them. Others contend that, well, that’s not true:

Actually, the problem for Central Valley farmers is that their water got taken from them by a federal judge, who put a baitfish ahead of human beings. Central Valley’s water-management system was designed to deal with droughts that last as long as five years, but the reservoirs that held its lifeblood got emptied into the ocean to rescue the Delta smelt. It began five years ago, and as Investors Business Daily reports, the locals remember it better than Obama does (read the whole thing).

Butt frankly, don’t take any of this global warming/drought stuff too seriously; it was just an excuse – as was the meeting with King Abdullah, to come out west to play golf with some of the boy friends from back in the day. And what a swell place to hook up! Sunnylands, now more or less appropriated by Barry as Camp David West for diplomatic meetings - and golf, of course.

Last June’s meeting here with Chinese President Xi Jingping worked out so well we decided to do it again. The two presidents met, discussed some important high level diplomatic stuff and then we hustled Xi out of here to make room for the 3 buddies from Hawaii ( Mike Ramos, Bobby Titcomb and Greg Orme) and a weekend of golf. Same deal this time: met with King Abdullah II, discussed some important stuff, and then got him the hell out there to make room for the buddies big golf weekend. It’s seriously nice work if you can get it.

Sunnylands golf course, Rancho Mirage

I just hope Big Guy isn’t getting too used to all of these casual tie-free meetings however. First, we saw the Casual Won with the uptight O’Reilly in the superbowl interview, and now tieless with King Abdullah:

Because I’ve been reading in the Wall Street Journal that casual may be over. Men are moving back to more formal dress: something to do with a reactionary backlash that happens whenever you have an extended economic downturn. Apparently people are beginning to think of 5+ years of economic malaise as “extended.”

Anyway, not only are 3 piece suits said to be making a comeback, butt guess what else? Briefcases! Now that’s a welcome trend. “Messenger” bags and gym bags just don’t seem to telegraph an “I’m serious about this job” vibe, which is important if you’re carrying the nuclear football, if you know what I’m saying:

BRIEFCASES ARE SERIOUS. Always have been. It's hard to imagine the daily nuclear launch codes, which traditionally have accompanied the POTUS in a briefcase, being shoved into a messenger bag.

The idea of Don Draper carrying a gym bag into Sterling Cooper & Partners is downright incongruous.

The Don Draper Barbie collection, complete with fedora and briefcase

People who know about these things weighed in with some very strident opinions:

"Should a man wearing a suit carry a proper, equivalently formal, ergo, style-appropriate, briefcase?" said Alan Flusser, a custom tailor and author of "Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion." "If he's interested in projecting an in-command, finished look, I would opt for 'yes.' "

Others, like Cliff Moskowitz, owner of a a private-equity firm (aka “vulture capitalist”) in New York, put it more directly:

“If a guy has a gym bag, I assume he's going to the gym.”

So much for that assumption...

“If he has a backpack, I assume he doesn't care.”

Bingo!

Okay, point taken, Cliff.

Butt what are we to conclude if a man has…his own bag man?

Or he’s toting takeout?

Or has a spouse in a potato bag…no wait, that’s a different post.

Or what if, say, a man really doesn’t need a bag at all? What if all he really needs is a phone? And a pen?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s time to rewind? Just in time? Maybe we need to find an old soul who can carry both a brief case and gym bag – at the same time?

And not make it appear as though it’s a burden?

A man who will use his pen only to sign laws duly passed by Congress (which he’s read), not to write his own.

I’ve no idea where we can find a man like that around here, butt if you spot one, let me know. Because briefcases are definitely back in style. And Lord knows, we could use a little style around here.