Sunday, August 23, 2020

Farmers’ Market: Worse Than Hitler! Edition

I chuckled at Mellow Lemoncello’s (aka Betty Ann) comment about her trip to the farmers’ market yesterday:

“I just walked around at the farmer’s market, everyone’s face plastered by masks, without one on my self. I took pictures and talked to everyone. Only one lady said, Are you protesting the masks? I said yes ma’am. Later as I left, I saw her pulling hers off.”

And I nodded in agreement at Lisa D’s reply:

“…Are they in happy compliance, like our daughter, or trying to avoid the Karens and judgemental looks? We are forced to wear them in every freakin place here except outside. With the heat my breathing in a mask is almost impossible. So today I'm giving son a few bucks to shop for me. I hate to see him with that dumb mask. Can't believe how compliant Americans have become. I literally tell the TV or radio to fek off every time I hear one of their stupid 1984 inspired messages.”

By Executive Order of Her Royal Highness Wretched Gretchen masks are mandated in Michigan for the foreseeable future wherever people are “allowed” to congregate. Naturally this includes outdoor farmers’ markets. It so happened that we too went to a local market yesterday to pick up some fresh whitefish and smoked Great Lakes salmon for a good old fashioned Mid-west fish boil. Raj’s sister hauls fish pulled from the waters around the Straits of Mackinac on Friday downstate to sell in the markets around the Detroit area on Saturday. So needless to say it is fresh, delicious, and worth the trip across town to pick it up.

Or at least it used to be. Now that people have been conditioned to automatically don masks that is no longer sufficient to virtue signal how much your local officials care about your safety. So now the good people running the Saturday market have the larger vendors barricading their produce from the riff raff (us) displayed on their tables behind orange plastic construction/snow fencing.

Yes, this

I wish I was kidding but I am not. It is there to prevent you from touching anything. So now the process of buying tomatoes consists of queuing up safely (behind your face mask) to wait your turn to point at the size, color, variety you wish to exchange for cash – which is, surprisingly, still accepted and returned to customers as (contaminated) change.

But that’s not the worst of it. The local Nazi squad has also implemented a one way only traffic flow through the market – also to “keep you safe.”

Because I guess microscopic COVID viruses only move in one direction at a time.

Oh, and they have installed a Nazi stormtrooper at the “EXIT ONLY - NO ENTRY” point on the south end. She was equipped with a counter, although it was unclear whether she was counting people coming or going. Unfortunately for her we happened to park right by her “NO ENTRY” point and the fish stand is just on the other side of this (former) entry point. So we blithely ignored her plaintiff cries of “Sir! Ma’am! You can’t go in this way!”  Yet we did, and proceeded to pick up our fish, chat with Raj’s sister, point to the tomatoes and corn I bought from the vendor next door and slipped away, illegally, via the rear of the fish monger’s booth.

Had I read the new market rules/protocols before going -

Talk about a knack for sucking the joy out of life

I very likely wouldn’t have gone at all. Yes, yes, I know: we’re in the middle of a pandemic. But what about that great liberal mantra - “my body, my choice!” – or does that not apply…this time?

Wouldn’t it be great if they finally get it?

Meanwhile I will stick to our much smaller, saner little town farmers’ market on Thursdays. Life’s too short to deal with Nazis every stinkin’ day.