Friday, September 4, 2020

The Benevolent Diktats Of Potentates

Cue the Rocky music!

Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger (1982, Vinyl) | Discogs

Michigan’s Grand High Potentate, Wretched Gretchen, has deemed fit to issue a diktat allowing gyms to reopen after a 6 month hiatus.

I hope it’s not too late.

That’s mighty benevolent diktator of you, Gov.

Of course the openings come with a few mandated restrictions according to Gretchen's benevolent order:

  • Gym-goers will be required to wear a mask at all times [that way you remain aware of the control your overlords have over you – ‘at all times’], including when working out. An exception to that rule is swimming [that’s mighty thoughtful…and pragmatic].
  • Gym owners should do their best to offer outdoor workout opportunities [right, because that’s what people go to gyms for].

Everyone! To the outdoor jungle gym for pullups!

  • Capacity will be limited to 25%. [You’d think that with everyone required to wear masks “at all times” to “stay safe” they could operate at normal capacity, no?]

Because what business can’t survive at 25% capacity?

  • The size of fitness classes must be reduced to enable 6 feet of separation between attendees. [Again, with the masks, are we not safe?]
  • Equipment must be regularly disinfected and hand sanitizer or soap and water must be made available to clients. [That’s always been the case in my gym. Common sense cootie control.]
  • The gym must increase the circulation of outdoor air as much as possible by opening windows and doors or using fans. [A. You’re going to be hearing from the Green Weenies about this! B. Fans!?! Blowing all those cooties around? What are you thinking?! C. Aren’t we already safe when everybody is “required to wear masks at all times?”]
  • Steam rooms, saunas, Jacuzzis and cold-plunge pools will be closed. [OK. Especially the cold-plunge pools.]

Why we need gyms:

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