Let’s Move. And Shake that Booty

I’ll be honest, we’ve been feeling a little down in the dumps lately. Our radical former and current terrorist friends are dissing us and firing shots across Big Guy’s bow. The Donald is digging into Big Guy’s invisible past like a mole, and I even heard a rumor that he’s lining  Bill Ayers up for next season’s Apprentice.

Butt it’s not all gloom and doom around here. Big Guy, looking for a budget ass to kick, landed foursquare on Boehner’s butt. And since the whole kerfuffle ran into the midnight hour, it also served to get the First Fam out of going to Williamsburg, which means we’ll get to go someplace more fun for our April vacay.

And it gave Big Guy the opportunity to take his victory lap for the cameras at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday.

Are you thinking “Rocky” too?

And over at Ms.NBC, we’ve finally found a new lover to take Olby’s place. Someone who will never question Big Guy’s decisions, dithering or his well considered KMAs. Someone who may even give Chrissy a run for number one suck-up: yes I’m talking about Lawrence “Liar, Liar, Lying Liar” O’Donnell. Yeah, I know Larry’s been on our lap all along, butt now he’s pulling out all the stops to own the #1 slot. Here he is in a paid political announcement, crying over the R-words attempt to defund and derail the Planned Parenthood abortion train. If we can train him to weep on cue, boy, I think that’s even better than tingles up your pants.

Butt by far the biggest news of the week: Beyonce has announced she’s joining Lady M’s  Lets Move Campaign!

Unfortunately for Beyonce, I wasn’t there for the shoot to keep the static from lighting up her wighat. StaticGuard is your friend, girl. How many times do I have to tell these women?

OK, maybe not the whole problem, butt StaticGuard would help

Beyonce’s wighat static mimicking her boa feathered sleeves

I think it’s really nice of Beyonce to want to help with our historic No Childs’ Fat Behind initiative. She’s even reworking the lyrics and dance routines for a re-shooting of her video “Get Me Bodied.”  I was glad to hear that she’s reworking the lyrics, because while I don’t really understand what they mean, I’m pretty sure they aren’t kid friendly, whether they have fat behinds or not.

"Get Me Bodied"
[Verse 1:]
Mission one
I'ma put this on
When he see me in the dress I'ma get me some (hey)
Mission two
Gotta make that call
Tell him get the bottles poppin' when they play my song (hey)
Mission three
Got my three best friends
Like we do it all the time we gonna do it again (hey)
Mission four
Got the vintage Rolls
Drop a couple hundreds tell him leave it at the door
[Pre-Chorus:]
I ain't worried doing me tonight
A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
While you all standin' on the wall
I'm the one tonight
Getting bodied, getting bodied, getting bodied, getting bodied
Want my body
Won't you get me bodied
You want my body
Won't you get me bodied (hey)

I looked up “Bodied” in the Urban Dictionary and found these two likely definitions:

#1:  when one is at the state of mind where the actions and emotions are all over the place with no thought process, thus on the road to having a wonderful night. Usually involving alcohol or drugs

#2: To have one's body against yours intimately while dancing to an urban hiphop beat eg. Beyonce's Get Me Bodied

I report, you decide:

 

I really HOPE Beyonce isn’t planning to work Lady M into any of the dance routines though, we don’t need anymore seismic booty shaking around here do we? Haven’t those poor Japanese people suffered enough?