Saturday, April 9, 2011

He Stuck in His Thumb and Pulled Out a Crumb

Big Guy’s feeling so cocky after last night’s victory that he has issued an executive order requiring everyone to henceforth pronounce the Speaker of the House’s name with a long “o” (that’s a little o, however.) Therefore:

Little Jack Boehner sat in the corner
Eating his humble pie,
He put in his thumb and pulled out a crumb
And said "What a good boy am I!"

The great compromise budget for Fiscal 2011 has both the Dems and the R-words alternatively crowing (D’s) (R’s) and carping (D’s) (R’s)about it. Although I would think they’d both be ashamed to talk about their big “accomplishment” since it was due over 6 months ago and therefore is technically an “F.” And to be high-fiving a cut of $39 billion out of $1.5 trillion deficit – which is sort of like removing a toothpick from a giant Sequoia – seems a bit like excessive celebration.



Republicans have achieved one major accomplishment.  Not only did they force the first actual reductions in government spending in ages, but they have changed the political paradigm from whether to cut to how much and where to cut.  That’s a pretty impressive victory for a party that only controls one chamber of Congress.”

If by “major accomplishment” you mean making sure Big Guy gets a boost in his poll numbers, and by “pretty impressive victory” you mean ensuring that this year’s National Cherry Festival isn’t cancelled.

Unfortunately, the big deal came so late that we had to cancel our  shopping trip to Williamsburg. Which is OK I guess, as I don’t think anyone really wanted to go except me anyway. And maybe Granny R, who was looking forward to pointing out to the Wee Wons the places where America’s founding fathers invented slavery and imperialism.

So that leaves an open weekend for Lady M and Big Guy! We know what Big Guy will be doing:

President Barack Obama attempts to block a shot by personal aide Reggie Love, during a basketball game at Fort McNair in Washington, D.C. , May 16, 2010. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, left, watches the play. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.


Butt what do you  suppose Lady M will be up to? Working in the Organic of Garden of Verses? Developing recipes for our upcoming Big White garden/cookbook?

Which reminds me, Lady M, at my suggestion is proceeding with her Supremacy Clause law suit against Robbin Gourley who stole Lady M’s idea for writing a book about the Big White Garden right from under her nose with her stupid book “First Garden.”


And she even included unauthorized likenesses of Lady M in her garden!


peacock blueUnauthorized, and it doesn’t look anything like her

So we’re having Ricky Holder draw up legal briefs outlining the fact that the O’s have federal jurisdiction over just about everything, butt specifically over the Big White Organic Garden of Verses on which Lady M holds the copyright since she invented it herself. Therefore, having established our federal jurisdiction in this matter, we’ll be moving to implement the Supremacy clause, like we did in Arizona, in order to get a restraining order against Ms. Gourley, and confiscation of all royalties.

And while I’m certain that Ricky is a perfectly qualified constitutional law attorney (assuming he hasn’t given up his law license), he’s probably busy with a “bunch of other stuff” now that his Big Apple show trial deal with Court TV fell through.

I think Lady M will need some outside legal experts for her law suit. So I’m referring her to the same legal beagles I’m still trying to line up for my own Supremacy case against Dr. Laura Ingraham (even though neither of them have gotten back to me yet – I know they’re both very busy): Professor William Jacobson, my primary constitutional law expert at Le-gal In-sur-rec-tion, and Megyn Kelly – just because she seems to be willing to  b**ch-slap just about anybody who deserves it. Although I understand Megyn’s on maternity leave again, so we may have to rely exclusively on Professor Jacobson for awhile.

Butt I think we definitely need a female on our team. Tweet me if you know of any good female constitutional law attorneys. Just remember, Dr. Laura Ingraham is probably not an option, since my litigation against her is still pending. I sure hope the statute of limitations doesn’t run out on my claim before I hear back from Professor Jacobson, and Megyn gets back from her second maternity leave.