Monday, May 2, 2011

The Evil One has been Smote by the Hand of God. Support Provided by the Navy Seals. And the Won.


Let me say that there is no one on the planet today happier to hear of UBL’s death by a US firing squad than me. If the Navy Seals’ raid on the compound of America’s sworn enemy doesn’t make you proud, you don’t deserve to be here, in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

To further address our successful operation: Big Guy took it on himself to direct CIA director Leon Panetta to make the capture of Osama Bin Laden job number one. Because until then, it hadn’t occurred to them.

Then yesterday Big Guy “directed” our forces to carry out the mission.

Which leads me to today’s news quiz:

Q. How many “I’s” can you inject into an announcement of Osama Bin Laden’s death at the hands of US Special Forces?

A. One’s too many. Butt for the record, Big Guy used it 10 times, an even dozen if you count the possessive pronoun “my.” UPDATE: make that an even baker’s dozen, per Rushbo

Butt in his defense, until he got here to serve as the Leader of the Free World, he had no experience in this area. Leading, that is. Not even so much as a boy scout troop. In the world of community organizing, you learned to take credit for everything, even things you had nothing to do with if it served your purpose. Ditto in politics. So how was he supposed to know that leaders never take credit, they give it?

To be fair, he did also give credit where credit was due, to our special forces who actually conducted the stealth attack with brave hearts and precision maneuvers. Butt only after ensuring that you all understood, that he Won, and he was in charge. Which is important, because Big Guy’s running for president again in 2012, in case you hadn’t heard.

I can tell you that originally the plan was to drop 2 bombs on the compound, but that would have caused a good deal of collateral damage (kind of like that 9/11 thing did), so Big Guy nixed that plan. Instead, our brave guys hatched this incredibly daring and difficult operation. Big Guy authorized it, and the Seals executed it flawlessly. Ergo, Big Guy gets the credit.

I wonder if he would have been as quick to take the blame had this raid gone bad?

I leave that for you to answer. I’m just the mirror. Thank God we’ll never know the answer.

A heartfelt thank you to our CIA spooks, our brave military serving around the globe, and a special thanks to our Navy Seals. Job well done.

Oh, and a special thank you to President George W. Bush, because I guess Big Guy forgot to mention that. You were right, sir: 

“We will not tire. We will not falter. And we will not fail.”

God Bless America.

article-1249885-083AA909000005DC-56_470x423Burial at sea was too decent for UBL